Upcoming Wedding with BPD Nada Problems

October 26, 2010

Hi Everyone!

I am an adult child of a BPD mother (undiagnosed) and am a new member here, so

hi!

My mother is an undiagnosed BP who, 2 years ago, had a major episode that ended

in suicidal threats. After I called the police as a direct reaction to her

threats, I was kicked out of her house and have lived with family/on my own ever

since. While eventually the " Major Meltdown of 2008 " did end, it was never

officially resolved, as my mother has since believed that no one in our family

actually loves each other and that we have no compassion. I discovered BPD

around that time and felt peace for the first time that this is an actual

disorder and not just a figment of my imagination.

At this point, we are on the edge of another major episode. Currently, there are

a quite a few stressors that could/will turn into catalysts, such as: my

upcoming wedding that she can not help pay for (guilt toward herself and

resentment to my new, " perfect " family that I am marrying into), my father's

complete abandonment of her financially (they've been separated for nine

years!), her need to get a job, like, yesterday so she doesn't lose everything,

and her continued unfounded hatred toward my grandmother (textbook, much??)

She is looking for a reason to not have any responsibility and to run away or

have someone else do it for her. She's attempting to create situations in which

we will react and show her we love her and will take care of everything for her.

Right now, she is convinced she is going to move to Boise, Idaho with

little-to-know money, tons of debt and then just, as she says, " start over. "

When I didn't play into this new plan and beg her to stay, and instead told her

I will visit often, she then came back with, " well, then I'm sorry I can't come

to your wedding because I can't be around your grandmother "

Ugugghghg. Okay, really the problem I'm facing is: How do I handle this

situation without 1)playing into her hurtful words and falling down the rabbit

hole again, or 2)ignoring her hurtful words while trying not being an

incompassionate daughter during the most meaningful days of my life?? I realize

I'm new here, but any help is much appreciated!!

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