Re: URGENT KO USER MAGNET ADVICE NEEDED

[Guest guest]

You have a couple of options, I think, depending on whether you want to maintain

her friendship at all, or if you want to just cut way back.

If you don't want contact with her at all, just block her number(s) so she can't

leave phone messages, emails or texts anymore. Unless she is truly not very

bright, she'll get the message that her contact attempts are unwelcome when her

messages are never returned.

If you don't want to cut her off entirely, don't worry about actually reading or

listening to every one of her messages; you can delete them unread or only read,

say, the most recent one.

You can choose to only return her contact attempts once a week, or once every

few days (or whatever) at your discretion. Since you are fairly certain that

she is only calling in order to ask you for a favor, for your time or your free

services, be prepared ahead of time to say " no " , ( " I'm so sorry, but we're just

so busy now its amazing, but here's the number of a service in the area that

does that. " -OR- " I'm so happy you like my services; how much were you thinking

of spending on this project? This is what I charge for xyz. " ) And if she or her

husband ask to borrow some item of yours again, its " I'm so sorry but we're

going to be needing that for a while. "

If your free services and favors and possessions are no longer available to her,

I'm pretty sure that the urgency and frequency of her calls will taper off

pretty soon.

Even if she's not calling to ask for more free services or a favor or to borrow

something and you just want to ratchet down the frequency and intensity of the

relationship, that's OK too. Its fine if you just want to see her once a month

or twice a year or whatever.

Its OK to ignore contact attempts, just because someone wants to talk with you

doesn't mean you are obligated to respond.

If she says something about " I've been trying to call you for days! " You just

say, " I'm sorry, I've been just so busy you wouldn't believe it. "

If you consistently stop responding quickly, if you are no longer available to

provide free time, free services or free items for her use, and your only

explanation is just that your life is very full and your time is already filled,

she'll get the picture.

-Annie

>

> My husband and I became friends with another couple based on common life

circumstances and for many months seemed to enjoy their company.

> It turned into " Can you do this, that and the other thing for us? " (for their

business endeavors no less) and " Can we borrow this or that? "

>

> We finally saw that we were being used and have backed way off.

>

> Well the other Mrs is not letting go. She's called my cell and home phone,

left VMs, sent texts and emails almost every day, sometimes 3 time in one day,

for the past week. I sent her a text to say I am currently very busy and will

call when I have the opportunity. She backed off for 2 days and now she's back

at it.

>

> What do I say to make this stop? Please help!

>

> K

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much!

K

> >

> > My husband and I became friends with another couple based on common life

circumstances and for many months seemed to enjoy their company.

> > It turned into " Can you do this, that and the other thing for us? " (for

their business endeavors no less) and " Can we borrow this or that? "

> >

> > We finally saw that we were being used and have backed way off.

> >

> > Well the other Mrs is not letting go. She's called my cell and home phone,

left VMs, sent texts and emails almost every day, sometimes 3 time in one day,

for the past week. I sent her a text to say I am currently very busy and will

call when I have the opportunity. She backed off for 2 days and now she's back

at it.

> >

> > What do I say to make this stop? Please help!

> >

> > K

> >

>

[Guest guest]

A while ago I was going be sent to work in South America, and as I play sport I

got in contact with a sporting club in the city I would be staying in while I

was there. I ended up being good friends (via email) with the guy that ran the

sports club, we were friends on facebook, would skype occasionally and used to

talk about sport a lot.

Over a month or so it morphed into him telling me that I was the only thing

keeping him from being depressed, I would have to give him advice on women (who

avoided him like the plague apparently, I began to wonder why...), university

exams, he began to pester me constantly - and I wasnt even in the same country!!

When I found out that I was going to a different south american country instead,

I began cutting down the contact. Soon he sent emails accusing me of being a

" bad friend " and abandoning him, that he thought I would be his girlfriend when

I got to his country, etc etc, all very overdramatic. It got to the point where

I told him this was inappropriate, unwarranted and that I would not be

contacting him again.

Isnt it funny how I can attract the crazies FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD!!

>

> My husband and I became friends with another couple based on common life

circumstances and for many months seemed to enjoy their company.

> It turned into " Can you do this, that and the other thing for us? " (for their

business endeavors no less) and " Can we borrow this or that? "

>

> We finally saw that we were being used and have backed way off.

>

> Well the other Mrs is not letting go. She's called my cell and home phone,

left VMs, sent texts and emails almost every day, sometimes 3 time in one day,

for the past week. I sent her a text to say I am currently very busy and will

call when I have the opportunity. She backed off for 2 days and now she's back

at it.

>

> What do I say to make this stop? Please help!

>

> K

>

[Guest guest]

You have found a BP! Think about it guys, this person is a nada.

I would go NC. We all agree we would go NC with our nadas in an

instant, if they were NOT our mothers. For a stranger?

Gone.

I d try the subtle approach.

Stop calling me bitch! If you contact me again I ll file a protective

order against you.

You have taken advantage of my good nature for the last time. I m not

your K mart. Get the F..k out of my life.

Or you could try something more direct.

LOL.

Doug

[Guest guest]

Doug,

Now that you mention it, some of her manipulative behaviors have reminded me of

exactly how my nada behaves. Things like calling to ask " What are you doing

tomorrow? " instead of asking if I'd be willing to do this or that. I've learned

a long time ago to avoid answering that question w/o knowing why they want to

know.

I sent her an email tonight.

SUBJECT: Calls, Messages, Emails, Texts....

MESSAGE:

" Judy, Judy, Judy, (not her real name)

I told you last week that I'm very busy and will call you when I'm free. I'm

deeply focused on projects and am just not able to meet your 'needs' at this

time. It doesn't mean there's a problem, it means I'm incredibly busy and my

availability has changed. I'm heading out of town in the morning and still have

things to get ready. Try to lighten up. "

If this doesn't help, I guess I'll try your more forward approach.

Thanx,

K

>

> You have found a BP! Think about it guys, this person is a nada.

>

> I would go NC. We all agree we would go NC with our nadas in an

> instant, if they were NOT our mothers. For a stranger?

>

> Gone.

>

> I d try the subtle approach.

>

> Stop calling me bitch! If you contact me again I ll file a protective

> order against you.

>

> You have taken advantage of my good nature for the last time. I m not

> your K mart. Get the F..k out of my life.

>

> Or you could try something more direct.

>

> LOL.

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I can relate. Last week when I was pulling away, I got a text message

saying she felt like a " Step-Friend " .

STEP-FRIEND????? Oh come on now!!!

I believe like Doug said, I've attracted yet another BP Black-Hole-of Need Drama

Queen.

Perhaps we KOs need to form our own country and put up a great big wall around

it.....or better yet, an alligator filled moat! Snap!!

K

> >

> > My husband and I became friends with another couple based on common life

circumstances and for many months seemed to enjoy their company.

> > It turned into " Can you do this, that and the other thing for us? " (for

their business endeavors no less) and " Can we borrow this or that? "

> >

> > We finally saw that we were being used and have backed way off.

> >

> > Well the other Mrs is not letting go. She's called my cell and home phone,

left VMs, sent texts and emails almost every day, sometimes 3 time in one day,

for the past week. I sent her a text to say I am currently very busy and will

call when I have the opportunity. She backed off for 2 days and now she's back

at it.

> >

> > What do I say to make this stop? Please help!

> >

> > K

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Replied to this once but it never showed up so forgive me for repeating myself.

This lady who's been calling me repeatedly told me last week, as I was

withdrawing from the relationship, that she felt like a Step-Friend and told me

how much she missed me. Clingy drama queen. Yuck.

K

> >

> > My husband and I became friends with another couple based on common life

circumstances and for many months seemed to enjoy their company.

> > It turned into " Can you do this, that and the other thing for us? " (for

their business endeavors no less) and " Can we borrow this or that? "

> >

> > We finally saw that we were being used and have backed way off.

> >

> > Well the other Mrs is not letting go. She's called my cell and home phone,

left VMs, sent texts and emails almost every day, sometimes 3 time in one day,

for the past week. I sent her a text to say I am currently very busy and will

call when I have the opportunity. She backed off for 2 days and now she's back

at it.

> >

> > What do I say to make this stop? Please help!

> >

> > K

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Isnt it funny how I can attract the crazies FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD!!

>

Impressive! I've attracted random crazy people who will cross a six lane busy

road on foot just to come harass me in a coffee shop. Also I've had a crazy

person drawn across an park who had to cross a running stream getting wet just

to bother me. Apparently we have some sort of catnip for crazy people.

[Guest guest]

Indeed!! We must emit some kind of pheremones that attract them, either that of

Ive got " please piss me off " written on my forhead...

> >

>

> > Isnt it funny how I can attract the crazies FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE

WORLD!!

> >

>

> Impressive! I've attracted random crazy people who will cross a six lane busy

road on foot just to come harass me in a coffee shop. Also I've had a crazy

person drawn across an park who had to cross a running stream getting wet just

to bother me. Apparently we have some sort of catnip for crazy people.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I like this fantasy, complete with bottle-eating alligators! There needs to be

a name for this new country; perhaps " BPDFreedonia " (based on an old Marx

Brother's film: " Duck Soup " ) and the motto could be: " Licentia Ex Egretudo "

( " Freedom From Craziness " )

-Annie

> >

> > Yes, I can relate. Last week when I was pulling away, I got a text message

saying she felt like a " Step-Friend " .

> >

> > STEP-FRIEND????? Oh come on now!!!

> >

> > I believe like Doug said, I've attracted yet another BP Black-Hole-of Need

Drama Queen.

> >

> > Perhaps we KOs need to form our own country and put up a great big wall

around it.....or better yet, an alligator filled moat! Snap!!

> >

> >

> > K

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm with Doug. Be rude. Run. Kicking and screaming if you have to.

Trust me. She's use to being treated that way.

>

> You have found a BP! Think about it guys, this person is a nada.

>

> I would go NC. We all agree we would go NC with our nadas in an

> instant, if they were NOT our mothers. For a stranger?

>

> Gone.

>

> I d try the subtle approach.

>

> Stop calling me bitch! If you contact me again I ll file a protective

> order against you.

>

> You have taken advantage of my good nature for the last time. I m not

> your K mart. Get the F..k out of my life.

>

> Or you could try something more direct.

>

> LOL.

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

Catnip for crazy people.....that says it all!!! Thank you for making me feel

not so alone!

K

> >

>

> > Isnt it funny how I can attract the crazies FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE

WORLD!!

> >

>

> Impressive! I've attracted random crazy people who will cross a six lane busy

road on foot just to come harass me in a coffee shop. Also I've had a crazy

person drawn across an park who had to cross a running stream getting wet just

to bother me. Apparently we have some sort of catnip for crazy people.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Piss Me Off on the forehead and Kick Me across the back!

I'm beginning to think that any time I feel comfortable with a new person, its a

sure sign, a huge red one, that they are not good for me. I need to start doing

the opposite of whatever I've ever done, then maybe I'll get better results.

K

> > >

> >

> > > Isnt it funny how I can attract the crazies FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE

WORLD!!

> > >

> >

> > Impressive! I've attracted random crazy people who will cross a six lane

busy road on foot just to come harass me in a coffee shop. Also I've had a

crazy person drawn across an park who had to cross a running stream getting wet

just to bother me. Apparently we have some sort of catnip for crazy people.

> >

> >

> >

>