Guest guest Posted October 11, 2010 Report Share Posted October 11, 2010 Was forced to go see nada today to exchange a stove I ordered for her. I thought I could just have it delivered and avoid seeing her, but she of course hated it, so it ended up being easier to just take her to Lowe's and have her pick out her own. For once, we were using her money instead of mine or my brother's, so I figured it was only fair she choose her own stove, even though it pissed me off that she just *had* to find fault with the one I picked out. The visit went well. There were no bizaare stories or inappropriate flirting with the waiter at lunch and she didn't even cause too much trouble for the people at Lowe's. She did have to mention my weight before I left, though, because a visit just isn't a visit without discussing my weight. It almost creeps me out more when the visits are uneventful. It makes me wonder if I'm too angry, too hard on her, or if I'm the one who's nuts. I mean, not really---because I've learned that the nuttiness always rears it's ugly head, but still ... it makes me feel sorry for her and think that I should do more to help. At least for a second or two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2010 Report Share Posted October 11, 2010 That's EXACTLY what I went through with my nada for decades. She can be nice sometimes; she can turn down the volume and frequency of her negativity to low if she wants to, or even turn it off sometimes and she's fairly pleasant to be with then. Like you, I then begin to question myself; am I too sensitive? Am I just mean and hateful for not wanting to be around nada? But then I remind myself that the nice periods are just temporary. Always. When I visit my mother, I am anxious, nervous and tense because I know that at some point or other, sooner or later, she will attack me emotionally. It might be like a small flick of the finger on my nose, or it might be a solid punch to my gut, but she will deliberately try to hurt me, eventually. She wants a reaction. It usually happens after I begin to relax a bit, let down my guard a bit. It really does feel like I'm the mouse and she's the cat; she wants to get some " play " out of me. So, that is very stressful, being on guard against attack all the time I'm with a person. I got tired of it. It makes me sad to take it in, that she really does want to hurt me, and she waits for a good time to do it. I don't have the stamina or the interest or the physical resources to be around her anymore, I can't take it anymore. -Annie > > Was forced to go see nada today to exchange a stove I ordered for her. I thought I could just have it delivered and avoid seeing her, but she of course hated it, so it ended up being easier to just take her to Lowe's and have her pick out her own. For once, we were using her money instead of mine or my brother's, so I figured it was only fair she choose her own stove, even though it pissed me off that she just *had* to find fault with the one I picked out. > > The visit went well. There were no bizaare stories or inappropriate flirting with the waiter at lunch and she didn't even cause too much trouble for the people at Lowe's. She did have to mention my weight before I left, though, because a visit just isn't a visit without discussing my weight. > > It almost creeps me out more when the visits are uneventful. It makes me wonder if I'm too angry, too hard on her, or if I'm the one who's nuts. I mean, not really---because I've learned that the nuttiness always rears it's ugly head, but still ... it makes me feel sorry for her and think that I should do more to help. At least for a second or two. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2010 Report Share Posted October 11, 2010 Keep in mind you were also in public - she isn't at her ugly best in public, the funnest time to attack is when no one can see it but you. On Mon, Oct 11, 2010 at 3:02 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > That's EXACTLY what I went through with my nada for decades. She can be > nice sometimes; she can turn down the volume and frequency of her negativity > to low if she wants to, or even turn it off sometimes and she's fairly > pleasant to be with then. Like you, I then begin to question myself; am I > too sensitive? Am I just mean and hateful for not wanting to be around nada? > But then I remind myself that the nice periods are just temporary. Always. > > When I visit my mother, I am anxious, nervous and tense because I know that > at some point or other, sooner or later, she will attack me emotionally. It > might be like a small flick of the finger on my nose, or it might be a solid > punch to my gut, but she will deliberately try to hurt me, eventually. She > wants a reaction. It usually happens after I begin to relax a bit, let down > my guard a bit. It really does feel like I'm the mouse and she's the cat; > she wants to get some " play " out of me. > > So, that is very stressful, being on guard against attack all the time I'm > with a person. I got tired of it. It makes me sad to take it in, that she > really does want to hurt me, and she waits for a good time to do it. I don't > have the stamina or the interest or the physical resources to be around her > anymore, I can't take it anymore. > > -Annie > > > > > > > Was forced to go see nada today to exchange a stove I ordered for her. I > thought I could just have it delivered and avoid seeing her, but she of > course hated it, so it ended up being easier to just take her to Lowe's and > have her pick out her own. For once, we were using her money instead of mine > or my brother's, so I figured it was only fair she choose her own stove, > even though it pissed me off that she just *had* to find fault with the one > I picked out. > > > > The visit went well. There were no bizaare stories or inappropriate > flirting with the waiter at lunch and she didn't even cause too much trouble > for the people at Lowe's. She did have to mention my weight before I left, > though, because a visit just isn't a visit without discussing my weight. > > > > It almost creeps me out more when the visits are uneventful. It makes me > wonder if I'm too angry, too hard on her, or if I'm the one who's nuts. I > mean, not really---because I've learned that the nuttiness always rears it's > ugly head, but still ... it makes me feel sorry for her and think that I > should do more to help. At least for a second or two. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2010 Report Share Posted October 11, 2010 Damn, Annie. The emotional attacks you describe make me think you're talking about my mother. I call them " emotional ambushes " because I never know when or where they're going to come or how severe they're going to be. She finally went waaaaaaay too far with me twice. The first time I decided that I definitely didn't love her anymore. The second time I decided that I could give myself permission to not feel guilty if I didn't care to help her out. I too, am nervous for visits. It's absolutely exhausting, and I've decided that I'm getting too old for that bullsh*t. > > > > Was forced to go see nada today to exchange a stove I ordered for her. I thought I could just have it delivered and avoid seeing her, but she of course hated it, so it ended up being easier to just take her to Lowe's and have her pick out her own. For once, we were using her money instead of mine or my brother's, so I figured it was only fair she choose her own stove, even though it pissed me off that she just *had* to find fault with the one I picked out. > > > > The visit went well. There were no bizaare stories or inappropriate flirting with the waiter at lunch and she didn't even cause too much trouble for the people at Lowe's. She did have to mention my weight before I left, though, because a visit just isn't a visit without discussing my weight. > > > > It almost creeps me out more when the visits are uneventful. It makes me wonder if I'm too angry, too hard on her, or if I'm the one who's nuts. I mean, not really---because I've learned that the nuttiness always rears it's ugly head, but still ... it makes me feel sorry for her and think that I should do more to help. At least for a second or two. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2010 Report Share Posted October 11, 2010 That's a good term, " emotional ambush " . Definitely can relate to that. Like you, I think it winds up boiling down to the issue of " love " . It really hurts to wrap my mind around that concept, but it truly seems to me after all these decades that my mother does not love me. I can't even decide if she ever did. My earliest memories are not about feeling safe or relaxed or happy around her. You simply do not treat a person you love the way I was treated as a child, and even though the physical abuse stopped, the emotional abuse continued, well, even up to the present. I'm not sure what it is she feels for me; maybe its just ownership, or enmeshment, or sheer familiarity, or domination... who knows? But it just doesn't feel like love, to me. -Annie > > > > > > Was forced to go see nada today to exchange a stove I ordered for her. I thought I could just have it delivered and avoid seeing her, but she of course hated it, so it ended up being easier to just take her to Lowe's and have her pick out her own. For once, we were using her money instead of mine or my brother's, so I figured it was only fair she choose her own stove, even though it pissed me off that she just *had* to find fault with the one I picked out. > > > > > > The visit went well. There were no bizaare stories or inappropriate flirting with the waiter at lunch and she didn't even cause too much trouble for the people at Lowe's. She did have to mention my weight before I left, though, because a visit just isn't a visit without discussing my weight. > > > > > > It almost creeps me out more when the visits are uneventful. It makes me wonder if I'm too angry, too hard on her, or if I'm the one who's nuts. I mean, not really---because I've learned that the nuttiness always rears it's ugly head, but still ... it makes me feel sorry for her and think that I should do more to help. At least for a second or two. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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