Re: Re: I hate my birthday

[Guest guest]

So odd this thread is here today. I told my therapist I had never had a birthday

party as a child and today, she had a birthday party for me. My birthday isnt

even until December. It was so nice that I started crying. She brought me a gift

(a book) and had donuts with sprinkles and a birthday hat. It was sweet.

Re: I hate my birthday

I do, too. I really do.

My therapist asked me why I felt so strongly about it and I really couldn't

answer her.

When my father was alive, he and my mother would get me a cake and make me blow

out the candles. I did it just to amuse them but it was just not worth it to me.

Now when I think of it, I feel very sad. I look at my own kids, esp my older

daughter, and feel how she is pulling away from me and realize I'm already doing

things she thinks are dumb and not worth it.

It's sad. I'm sad.

>

> I could care less about getting older, really. I always have some schmaltzy

" this age is better " saying in my mind anyway ( " for a woman, the ages between 30

and 55 are her best, because she's like a fine wine, with all of her beauty and

all of her wisdom " ).

>

> It's the interruption my parents are compelled to force on me, to give me

" birthday wishes. "

>

> Yesterday my mom (waif) called to wish me happy birthday, then she literally

whined (WHINED!!) at me that she never gets to talk to her grandkids. I handed

the phone to the kids with two fingers.

>

> Then my dad (dishrag enabler) and stepmom (witch/queen) called, and hubby made

me answer the phone. He knows, but he also knows (and he's right) that we have

more to deal with if I don't just suck it up and answer the phone.

>

> Anyway, stepmom brashly hurried past the birthday wishes part to tell me what

she got for me (a face cream so I won't look old, seriously! what a compliment

HA HA) and then to tell me how to parent my kids " You should let them watch

sports because they'll be aware of the great achievements people make " as though

there's some injunction against them watching sports. They have no interest in

it and I don't force them! Sheesh. Didn't bother disagreeing with her. Acted

like I'd consider it but I won't.

>

> It did serve to illustrate why I'm not in touch with them for the majority of

the rest of the year. But I wish I could legally change my birthday and not tell

anyone.

>

> On the plus side, everyone I know (except for my parents) left me birthday

wishes on Facebook. That was the best birthday gift ever!

>

> Still, I hate birthdays.

> Tina

>

[Guest guest]

katie, that is one of the sweetest things i've ever heard...you can sometimes

get what you need from other people...it doesn't have to come from your parents.

amy

Re: I hate my birthday

I do, too. I really do.

My therapist asked me why I felt so strongly about it and I really couldn't

answer her.

When my father was alive, he and my mother would get me a cake and make me blow

out the candles. I did it just to amuse them but it was just not worth it to me.

Now when I think of it, I feel very sad. I look at my own kids, esp my older

daughter, and feel how she is pulling away from me and realize I'm already doing

things she thinks are dumb and not worth it.

It's sad. I'm sad.

>

> I could care less about getting older, really. I always have some schmaltzy

" this age is better " saying in my mind anyway ( " for a woman, the ages between 30

and 55 are her best, because she's like a fine wine, with all of her beauty and

all of her wisdom " ).

>

> It's the interruption my parents are compelled to force on me, to give me

" birthday wishes. "

>

> Yesterday my mom (waif) called to wish me happy birthday, then she literally

whined (WHINED!!) at me that she never gets to talk to her grandkids. I handed

the phone to the kids with two fingers.

>

> Then my dad (dishrag enabler) and stepmom (witch/queen) called, and hubby made

me answer the phone. He knows, but he also knows (and he's right) that we have

more to deal with if I don't just suck it up and answer the phone.

>

> Anyway, stepmom brashly hurried past the birthday wishes part to tell me what

she got for me (a face cream so I won't look old, seriously! what a compliment

HA HA) and then to tell me how to parent my kids " You should let them watch

sports because they'll be aware of the great achievements people make " as though

there's some injunction against them watching sports. They have no interest in

it and I don't force them! Sheesh. Didn't bother disagreeing with her. Acted

like I'd consider it but I won't.

>

> It did serve to illustrate why I'm not in touch with them for the majority of

the rest of the year. But I wish I could legally change my birthday and not tell

anyone.

>

> On the plus side, everyone I know (except for my parents) left me birthday

wishes on Facebook. That was the best birthday gift ever!

>

> Still, I hate birthdays.

> Tina

>

[Guest guest]

,

That's really wonderful. I think I had one birthday party as a

child. It wasn't very successful. Part of my problem is that my

birthday is a holiday and most adults go out that night. My

parents were no exception. (I don't think my father particularly

wanted to go out to parties, but he did it to make my nada

happy.) It was hard to feel like it was my special day when

everyone else was running around doing other things. The fact

that I often got combination birthday and Christmas gifts didn't

help the situation any either.

At 04:45 PM 10/26/2010 Hummingbird1298@... wrote:

>So odd this thread is here today. I told my therapist I had

>never had a birthday party as a child and today, she had a

>birthday party for me. My birthday isnt even until December. It

>was so nice that I started crying. She brought me a gift (a

>book) and had donuts with sprinkles and a birthday hat. It was

>sweet.

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My birthday's coming up too. Christmas and my birthday have always been the

most painful days of the year. I've given it a lot of thought. These are two

days where I was supposed to feel loved by my parents so these were two days

where I couldn't just tune out the fact that I was unloved and unsafe. For

many years I had a vision of a birthday that would be the best, like

something a celebrity would get. Hundreds of people saying happy birthday. I

don't know where I got that idea from but it seemed like something short of

that would always be a disappointment. It must be a flea because that image

is so fake and unreal. Like my mind used it to torture me. Maybe when we

don't get the minimum as kids, we/I became ultra needy of validation to

compensate for what I never got. Expecting a whole lot less has been

helpful. It is strange that I, who got so little emotionally would turn it

around and expect so much. Why would my mind do this? I notice that with the

kids of PD parents, some of us have such a sense of entitlement and need for

massive amounts of validation. I understand the need but I don't understand

the expectation.

I worked for a lady for had a PD parent. She had no self esteem and she

seemed to want to create drama with her demands. She wanted me to keep

changing the date of her daughters wedding along with her. She wanted me to

keep every Friday open while she cancelled every session. Then when she

moved the event across the country, after a year, she wanted her FULL

deposit back. She threatened to sue and accused me of victimizing her. The

lady had no self esteem yet I was supposed to do EVERYTHING for her without

any disatisfaction or complaint. I have seen this many times with the

children of crazy parents, like it's my job to give everything the parent

didn't.

>

>

> Happy Birthday Tina! I hope your day was exactly what you wanted it to be.

>

> It's birthday time for me too. I totally get how you simply want it to pass

> without nada/drfada not using it to meet their needs. Nada emailed me some

> sappy crap about being so excited in anticipation of my birth in 19__ -

> blah, blah, blah. My fada wrote in the card they sent exactly what nada told

> him to write - inviting me to their new home that I haven't been to for a

> birthday dinner (yes I want to drive almost 3 hours for dinner so I can meet

> their need of being trapped in their home!) I try not to let it bother me

> but where in any of that is even one thought about what I might actually

> want?

>

> Yeah, I'm not bitter.

>

> There is just always this hollow feeling to whatever they do. Like it is

> another thing to check off their list and be done with.

>

> Anyway, I am sorry you are having a hard time getting excited about your

> birthday. I hope you can find some ways to celebrate your day and I hope

> your day was great!

>

> patinage

>

> P.S. What would your ideal birthday in childhood have looked like? What

> would your ideal birthday look like now?

>

>

>