Re: Re: a step back to move forward

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your openness a. I lost my mom this June & my oldest daughter 7 years ago so perhaps we can work through this Grief together. I've found in my culture that most avoid it. JodySent from my iPhone

Hi Everyone,

This is my 1st post/introduction. But some of you might know me from the WFG yahoo support group I am active in as well. I am supposed to introduce myself as per the group leader's request. And MJ your post I could really relate to right away. Since being on this IE journey feelings surfaced of delayed grief from my mother's passing 4 yrs ago. And many pounds later, I am figuring out that I am eating and stuffing my feelings down. It has been such a struggle to discover those feelings and ALLOW my painful childhood feelings to surface as well. I was sexually abused by my father as a child, and grew up poor with very little food in the house. The food bank was an event I so looked forward to. And although I can afford to eat anything I want now as an adult, I am figuring out I eat in excess to make up for a childhood of deprovation. ONLY AFTER NOT DIETING ANYMORE, WAS THAT REVLATION ABLE TO SURFACE.

I am grateful to this IE journey, however this is far harder than the sexual abuse recovery for me (hard to believe right). I feel as though currently where I am at right now, I have taken 3 steps back to my 1 step forward.

I look forward to reading and sharing with you all on this difficult journey.

a

>> Hi,> > I had a really 'bad' afternoon yesterday. It started at noon, I ate my normal lunch & then was watching tv while my grandson was napping & I just started to MINDLESSLY eat taco chips & chocolate. I couldn't stop. It was like some 'monster' had control of me. It lasted 3 hours & then it miraculously stopped. When I looked back to try to figure out what was going on for me. I realized that Monday from 12:30 - 4 my mom used to come over & visit me. She passed suddenly this May & obviously, I'm still really missing her. lots of times I don't know what day it is & then I feel the emptiness in my body & it is one of the 3 days that she used to be here.> > Once, I had figured out why I had reached so unconsciously for the food I realized that NO amount of food will ever fill that space so I hope that next time I will remember THAT instead of reaching mindlessly to fill up what cannot be filled up with food. I need to FEEL the pain of losing my mom right at that time & know that NOTHING else will satisfy the emptiness that I feel.> > The journey to IE IS long & winding path with many twists & turns BUT somehow, my emotions seem to provide some sort of map for getting to where I am going. I need to listen to them more closely because they are telling me where I need to turn. > > mj>

[Guest guest]

Hi, a,

So glad you joined us. Yes, this can be very painful at times, because feeling the feelings is not easy. But neither was feeling miserable all the time because of overeating and gaining a ton of weight, and trying every diet in the universe and feeling like a failure every day of my adult life. I have to keep reminding myself that nothing is as hard as that was, constant low-level misery that sometimes overwhelmed me and made me feel like I'd rather be dead. At least now I feel joy sometimes, real joy, and I don't hate myself all the time.

Looking forward to getting to know you better. I didn't know there was a WFG support group, too.

Laurie

Re: a step back to move forward

Hi Everyone,

This is my 1st post/introduction. But some of you might know me from the WFG yahoo support group I am active in as well. I am supposed to introduce myself as per the group leader's request. And MJ your post I could really relate to right away. Since being on this IE journey feelings surfaced of delayed grief from my mother's passing 4 yrs ago. And many pounds later, I am figuring out that I am eating and stuffing my feelings down. It has been such a struggle to discover those feelings and ALLOW my painful childhood feelings to surface as well. I was sexually abused by my father as a child, and grew up poor with very little food in the house. The food bank was an event I so looked forward to. And although I can afford to eat anything I want now as an adult, I am figuring out I eat in excess to make up for a childhood of deprovation. ONLY AFT ER NOT DIETING ANYMORE, WAS THAT REVLATION ABLE TO SURFACE.

I am grateful to this IE journey, however this is far harder than the sexual abuse recovery for me (hard to believe right). I feel as though currently where I am at right now, I have taken 3 steps back to my 1 step forward.

I look forward to reading and sharing with you all on this difficult journey.

a

>

> Hi,

>

> I had a really 'bad' afternoon yesterday. It started at noon, I ate my normal lunch & then was watching tv while my grandson was napping & I just started to MINDLESSLY eat taco chips & chocolate. I couldn't stop. It was like some 'monster' had control of me. It lasted 3 hours & then it miraculously stopped. When I looked back to try to figure out what was going on for me. I realized that Monday from 12:30 - 4 my mom used to come over & visit me. She passed suddenly this May & obviously, I'm still really missing her. lots of times I don't know what day it is & then I feel the emptiness in my body & it is one of the 3 days that she used to be here.

>

> Once, I had figured out why I had reached so unconsciously for the food I realized that NO amount of food will ever fill that space so I hope that next ti me I will remember THAT instead of reaching mindlessly to fill up what cannot be filled up with food. I need to FEEL the pain of losing my mom right at that time & know that NOTHING else will satisfy the emptiness that I feel.

>

> The journey to IE IS long & winding path with many twists & turns BUT somehow, my emotions seem to provide some sort of map for getting to where I am going. I need to listen to them more closely because they are telling me where I need to turn.

>

> mj

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Josie,

That quote really hit home with me as well. I haven't read the book, but now I plan on it! My mother deprived me of food, as she had and still has an eating disorder. So, for me, the quote said it all. I can never stuff enough food in my mouth for all the deprevation of my youth and teen years. Just last night I made a cake and alot of the frosting ended up in my mouth! After several months of doing great with IE I seem to be having some trouble these past few weeks. I want to eat sweets, but if I do I feel horrible guilt. Maybe it is because I can't get out to exercise since it's getting cold. I do love my walks/runs. All to say, having some trouble right now, but the quote really helped.

Subject: Re: a step back to move forwardTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, November 9, 2010, 9:38 PM

Hi a,First of all, welcome!!I've just started reading Breaking Free from Emotional Eating, by Geneen Roth. It's only the second book of hers that I've read (WFG was my first), but I'm finding that she really speaks to me. I read something last night that really struck me and it ties a bit into what you've said. Here's the quote:"Two weeks of chocolate chip cookies did not make up for all the times I had said "No thank you, I don't want one" when I wanted one more than anything else I could think of. A triple scoop of rocky road ice cream every day for a month could not compensate for the years of passing by ice cream parlors and wishing I could be a normal person who walked up to the counter and asked for a cone without feeling the wrath of God would descend upon me. I could eat from morning till night for the next six months or six years and I would have still dieted and binged for seventenn years of my

life."There isn't enough food in the world to heal the isolation of those years. There isn't enough food to fill the space created by the deprivation and the ensuing feelings of craziness."We can't go back. We can't eat for all the times we didn't eat. We *can* use the pain as an indicator of what doesn't work. We don't have to deprive ourselves any longer. Beginning today. I can relate to your story. I, too, grew up poor. Thankfully, we had enough to eat, but I always felt like I wanted stuff my parents couldn't afford. And after I was on my own, there were a lot of years of ramen noodles and mac n cheese. I remember that when I was in grad school, if I had a windfall and was *really* splurging, I might spend all of $30 on groceries! LOLThese days, I'm generally fairly frugal, but now that I can afford to, one of the few things I splurge on is stuff in gourmet markets. And I don't think twice about going out for a fancy

dinner or even just eating takeout whenever I don't want to cook (which is often). After all those years of longing for stuff I wanted but couldn't afford, now I pretty much buy whatever looks good to me when it comes to food. I think that's a cousin to eating because you didn't have enough. It's not the primary reason I eat (I got plenty of issues! LOL), but I definitely see the connection. But this quote from the book really spoke to me. Because even though she's speaking only about dieting, I know that when I do that I'm making up for the stuff I wanted but couldn't have as a child and also for what I could have but wouldn't allow myself to have when I was dieting as an adult. But I think that's a good message. That we can't make up for the deprivation of the past. We can only go forward and treat ourselves with kindness now. Just thought I'd share that. Looking forward to getting to know you, better.Josie > >> > Hi,> >> > I had a really 'bad' afternoon yesterday. It started at noon, I ate my> normal lunch & then was watching tv while my grandson was napping & I> just started to MINDLESSLY eat taco chips & chocolate. I couldn't stop.> It was like some 'monster' had control of me. It lasted 3 hours & then> it miraculously stopped. When I looked back to try to figure out what> was going on for me. I realized that Monday from 12:30 - 4 my mom used> to come over & visit me. She passed suddenly this May & obviously, I'm> still really missing her. lots of times I don't know what day it is & > then I feel the emptiness in my body & it is one of the 3 days that she> used to be

here.> >> > Once, I had figured out why I had reached so unconsciously for the> food I realized that NO amount of food will ever fill that space so I> hope that next time I will remember THAT instead of reaching mindlessly> to fill up what cannot be filled up with food. I need to FEEL the pain> of losing my mom right at that time & know that NOTHING else will> satisfy the emptiness that I feel.> >> > The journey to IE IS long & winding path with many twists & turns BUT> somehow, my emotions seem to provide some sort of map for getting to> where I am going. I need to listen to them more closely because they are> telling me where I need to turn.> >> > mj> >>