Re: a step back to move forward

[Guest guest]

Hi a,

First of all, welcome!!

I've just started reading Breaking Free from Emotional Eating, by Geneen Roth.

It's only the second book of hers that I've read (WFG was my first), but I'm

finding that she really speaks to me. I read something last night that really

struck me and it ties a bit into what you've said. Here's the quote:

" Two weeks of chocolate chip cookies did not make up for all the times I had

said " No thank you, I don't want one " when I wanted one more than anything else

I could think of. A triple scoop of rocky road ice cream every day for a month

could not compensate for the years of passing by ice cream parlors and wishing I

could be a normal person who walked up to the counter and asked for a cone

without feeling the wrath of God would descend upon me. I could eat from

morning till night for the next six months or six years and I would have still

dieted and binged for seventenn years of my life.

" There isn't enough food in the world to heal the isolation of those years.

There isn't enough food to fill the space created by the deprivation and the

ensuing feelings of craziness.

" We can't go back. We can't eat for all the times we didn't eat. We *can* use

the pain as an indicator of what doesn't work. We don't have to deprive

ourselves any longer. Beginning today.

I can relate to your story. I, too, grew up poor. Thankfully, we had enough to

eat, but I always felt like I wanted stuff my parents couldn't afford. And

after I was on my own, there were a lot of years of ramen noodles and mac n

cheese. I remember that when I was in grad school, if I had a windfall and was

*really* splurging, I might spend all of $30 on groceries! LOL

These days, I'm generally fairly frugal, but now that I can afford to, one of

the few things I splurge on is stuff in gourmet markets. And I don't think twice

about going out for a fancy dinner or even just eating takeout whenever I don't

want to cook (which is often). After all those years of longing for stuff I

wanted but couldn't afford, now I pretty much buy whatever looks good to me when

it comes to food. I think that's a cousin to eating because you didn't have

enough. It's not the primary reason I eat (I got plenty of issues! LOL), but I

definitely see the connection.

But this quote from the book really spoke to me. Because even though she's

speaking only about dieting, I know that when I do that I'm making up for the

stuff I wanted but couldn't have as a child and also for what I could have but

wouldn't allow myself to have when I was dieting as an adult. But I think

that's a good message. That we can't make up for the deprivation of the past.

We can only go forward and treat ourselves with kindness now.

Just thought I'd share that. Looking forward to getting to know you, better.

Josie

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > I had a really 'bad' afternoon yesterday. It started at noon, I ate my

> normal lunch & then was watching tv while my grandson was napping & I

> just started to MINDLESSLY eat taco chips & chocolate. I couldn't stop.

> It was like some 'monster' had control of me. It lasted 3 hours & then

> it miraculously stopped. When I looked back to try to figure out what

> was going on for me. I realized that Monday from 12:30 - 4 my mom used

> to come over & visit me. She passed suddenly this May & obviously, I'm

> still really missing her. lots of times I don't know what day it is &

> then I feel the emptiness in my body & it is one of the 3 days that she

> used to be here.

> >

> > Once, I had figured out why I had reached so unconsciously for the

> food I realized that NO amount of food will ever fill that space so I

> hope that next time I will remember THAT instead of reaching mindlessly

> to fill up what cannot be filled up with food. I need to FEEL the pain

> of losing my mom right at that time & know that NOTHING else will

> satisfy the emptiness that I feel.

> >

> > The journey to IE IS long & winding path with many twists & turns BUT

> somehow, my emotions seem to provide some sort of map for getting to

> where I am going. I need to listen to them more closely because they are

> telling me where I need to turn.

> >

> > mj

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hello MJWas it a 'bad' afternoon or a healing one? I love what you said " The journey to IE IS long & winding path with many twists & turns"Happy wishesPam