Re: Wondering if I'm disconnected from my emotions

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean about eating when you get home. For me, I think it is a

habit and a bit of a stimulus-response thing. For many years, I used to come

home at meal time and was actually hungry. I work from home now so sometimes

when I come home it is after we have gone out for supper and my first thought is

- what is there to eat, even when I'm nowhere near hungry. And not in a bad

emotional state either.

- Christy

>

> The therapist that lead my IE workshop gave me one of those food logs where

you log what you eat and what you're feeling at the time, and I notice that 95%

of the time, I can't identify any particular emotion when I'm eating. I tend to

just write something like neutral or fine. I don't feel particularly happy or

sad or angry or anything. I just " am " and that seems fairly normal to me.

>

> But I'm thinking about this this morning because last night I definitely ate

more than I would have liked when I came home from work and I was wondering why

at the time but couldn't tie it to anything in particular. I've noticed that I

do almost always tend to want to eat something right away when I get home from

work. Sometimes it is because I'm actually hungry and am trying to tide myself

over until dinner (though I do keep asking myself what the harm would be to just

be hungry for another 30 minutes until dinner is ready). But more often than

not, I'm not particularly hungry, and I've assumed that it's probably some sort

of winding down ritual. I noticed that at this time I tend to want something

crunchy like chips or cracker or nuts and I'm thinking there's probably some

significance to that.

>

> But the other reason I'm thinking about this is that I realized that this week

I've been somewhat frustrated at work. I have a job that's stressful anyway but

I also have a boss that's an insane perfectionist and basically can almost never

be pleased. Even though she's fairly polite about it, she has a way of making

all of us that report to her feel totally incompetent (I guess there's some

small comfort in the fact that I'm at least not alone in this). Being a

perfectinist myself, it's really really hard for me to feel like I don't know

how to do my job. So I know I was beating myself up last night about a project

I was working on that didn't go well and it often feels like nothing goes well

even though I always get good performance reviews. So it's like this weird

conflict in my head that I can't reconcile what the paper record says with how I

feel like I'm actually doing.

>

> In any event, it made me wonder if the eating last night was tied to that,

even though, by the time I got home, I felt like I'd sort of pushed it out of my

mind and wasn't frustrated on the surface. I'm wondering if I was more

frustrated than I could connect with and that was what fueled the eating, or if

it was just the winding down thing after a very long day. Or maybe even a

little of both.

>

> I guess I'm struggling with why it seems like I can't usually identify any

particular emotions and whether that's normal and if it's because I'm not tuned

into them when I should be (like they have to reach some sort of boiling point

before I acknowledge them) or if I'm just overthinking things.

>

> Okay, that felt kind of rambling and maybe didn't make much sense. But it's

out there. If anyone was able to figure out what I was saying and has any

input, it'd be appreciated. >)

>

> Thanks,

> Josie

>

[Guest guest]

I thought I was the only one that did that! As soon as I empty my bag I carry to work, I am looking for anything to eat, usually carbs.

Rhonda

From: Christy

Sent: Thursday, August 26, 2010 4:10 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Wondering if I'm disconnected from my emotions

I know what you mean about eating when you get home. For me, I think it is a habit and a bit of a stimulus-response thing. For many years, I used to come home at meal time and was actually hungry. I work from home now so sometimes when I come home it is after we have gone out for supper and my first thought is - what is there to eat, even when I'm nowhere near hungry. And not in a bad emotional state either. - Christy>> The therapist that lead my IE workshop gave me one of those food logs where you log what you eat and what you're feeling at the time, and I notice that 95% of the time, I can't identify any particular emotion when I'm eating. I tend to just write something like neutral or fine. I don't feel particularly happy or sad or angry or anything. I just "am" and that seems fairly normal to me.> > But I'm thinking about this this morning because last night I definitely ate more than I would have liked when I came home from work and I was wondering why at the time but couldn't tie it to anything in particular. I've noticed that I do almost always tend to want to eat something right away when I get home from work. Sometimes it is because I'm actually hungry and am trying to tide myself over until dinner (though I do keep asking myself what the harm would be to just be hungry for another 30 minutes until dinner is ready). But more often than not, I'm not particularly hungry, and I've assumed that it's probably some sort of winding down ritual. I noticed that at this time I tend to want something crunchy like chips or cracker or nuts and I'm thinking there's probably some significance to that.> > But the other reason I'm thinking about this is that I realized that this week I've been somewhat frustrated at work. I have a job that's stressful anyway but I also have a boss that's an insane perfectionist and basically can almost never be pleased. Even though she's fairly polite about it, she has a way of making all of us that report to her feel totally incompetent (I guess there's some small comfort in the fact that I'm at least not alone in this). Being a perfectinist myself, it's really really hard for me to feel like I don't know how to do my job. So I know I was beating myself up last night about a project I was working on that didn't go well and it often feels like nothing goes well even though I always get good performance reviews. So it's like this weird conflict in my head that I can't reconcile what the paper record says with how I feel like I'm actually doing. > > In any event, it made me wonder if the eating last night was tied to that, even though, by the time I got home, I felt like I'd sort of pushed it out of my mind and wasn't frustrated on the surface. I'm wondering if I was more frustrated than I could connect with and that was what fueled the eating, or if it was just the winding down thing after a very long day. Or maybe even a little of both.> > I guess I'm struggling with why it seems like I can't usually identify any particular emotions and whether that's normal and if it's because I'm not tuned into them when I should be (like they have to reach some sort of boiling point before I acknowledge them) or if I'm just overthinking things.> > Okay, that felt kind of rambling and maybe didn't make much sense. But it's out there. If anyone was able to figure out what I was saying and has any input, it'd be appreciated. >)> > Thanks,> Josie>

[Guest guest]

I tend to want to eat when I get home after work, too. For me, I am fairly certain it is a decompression ritual. I have a boss who's difficult for me to tolerate (almost said "swallow"--telling, that!), and I'm constantly talking myself into NOT quitting the job, so there you have it.

One thing to consider is whether or not we all can find another way to (a) handle the stress and ( handle the problems on the job. Eating food is not solving anything!

Josie, your wanting something crunchy is interesting: I've read somewhere that the desire for crunchy food is usually interpreted as surpressed anger. Does this fit for you? I know that all the snack foods I have at work are crunchy. I've tried taking fruit or even a sandwich, but I'll pass up those and any baked goods people bring for something I can crunch down on. And yup, things on this job do make me angry!

Sometimes if I know I'm going to have a hard time not hitting the food when I get home, I'll push dinner up a bit, even if I'm not quite hungry, and even sometimes bring cooked food home so that it's ready the minute I get home. Not the best solution, but at least a partial solution.

Laurie

Re: Wondering if I'm disconnected from my emotions

I know what you mean about eating when you get home. For me, I think it is a habit and a bit of a stimulus-response thing. For many years, I used to come home at meal time and was actually hungry. I work from home now so sometimes when I come home it is after we have gone out for supper and my first thought is - what is there to eat, even when I'm nowhere near hungry. And not in a bad emotional state either.

- Christy

>

> The therapist that lead my IE workshop gave me one of those food logs where you log what you eat and what you're feeling at the time, and I notice that 95% of the time, I can't identify any particular emotion when I'm eating. I tend to just write something like neutral or fine. I don't feel particularly happy or sad or angry or anything. I just "am" and that seems fairly normal to me.

>

> But I'm thinking about this this morning because last night I definitely ate more than I would have liked when I came home from work and I was wondering why at the time but couldn't tie it to anything in particular. I've noticed that I do almost always tend to want to eat something right away when I get home from work. Sometimes it is because I'm actually hungry and am trying to tide myself over until dinner (though I do keep asking myself what the harm would be to just be hungry for another 30 minutes until dinner is ready). But more often than not, I'm not particularly hungry, and I've assumed that it's probably some sort of winding down ritual. I noticed that at this time I tend to want something crunchy like chips or cracker or nuts and I'm thinking there's probably some significance to that.

>

> But the other reason I'm thinking about this is that I realized that this week I've been somewhat frustrated at work. I have a job that's stressful anyway but I also have a boss that's an insane perfectionist and basically can almost never be pleased. Even though she's fairly polite about it, she has a way of making all of us that report to her feel totally incompetent (I guess there's some small comfort in the fact that I'm at least not alone in this). Being a perfectinist myself, it's really really hard for me to feel like I don't know how to do my job. So I know I was beating myself up last night about a project I was working on that didn't go well and it often feels like nothing goes well even though I always get good performance reviews. So it's like this weird conflict in my head that I can't reconcile what the paper record says with how I feel like I'm actually doing.

>

> In any event, it made me wonder if the eating last night was tied to that, even though, by the time I got home, I felt like I'd sort of pushed it out of my mind and wasn't frustrated on the surface. I'm wondering if I was more frustrated than I could connect with and that was what fueled the eating, or if it was just the winding down thing after a very long day. Or maybe even a little of both.

>

> I guess I'm struggling with why it seems like I can't usually identify any particular emotions and whether that's normal and if it's because I'm not tuned into them when I should be (like they have to reach some sort of boiling point before I acknowledge them) or if I'm just overthinking things.

>

> Okay, that felt kind of rambling and maybe didn't make much sense. But it's out there. If anyone was able to figure out what I was saying and has any input, it'd be appreciated. >)

>

> Thanks,

> Josie

>

[Guest guest]

I forgot to add one thing in reply to you, Josie: I suspect that the "good little soldier" routine may have something to do with my (and your?) not being in touch with emotions. I know that I tend to think I can "buck up and deal with it," and what that really comes down to--for me at least--is just suppressing my emotional reaction to everything that's unpleasant. I pride myself on being strong and capable, so even acknowledging (let alone crumbling under) emotional strain has just not been an option for me.

Living that way is sucky, and it contributes to me using food to compensate myself for being the good little soldier and marching forth even when I just want to sit down and cry. I'm trying hard to loosen my grip on my emotions, but I've had them in such tight grip for so long, I expect this might be a long process.

Laurie

Wondering if I'm disconnected from my emotions

The therapist that lead my IE workshop gave me one of those food logs where you log what you eat and what you're feeling at the time, and I notice that 95% of the time, I can't identify any particular emotion when I'm eating. I tend to just write something like neutral or fine. I don't feel particularly happy or sad or angry or anything. I just "am" and that seems fairly normal to me.

But I'm thinking about this this morning because last night I definitely ate more than I would have liked when I came home from work and I was wondering why at the time but couldn't tie it to anything in particular. I've noticed that I do almost always tend to want to eat something right away when I get home from work. Sometimes it is because I'm actually hungry and am trying to tide myself over until dinner (though I do keep asking myself what the harm would be to just be hungry for another 30 minutes until dinner is ready). But more often than not, I'm not particularly hungry, and I've assumed that it's probably some sort of winding down ritual. I noticed that at this time I tend to want something crunchy like chips or cracker or nuts and I'm thinking there's probably some significance to that.

But the other reason I'm thinking about this is that I realized that this week I've been somewhat frustrated at work. I have a job that's stressful anyway but I also have a boss that's an insane perfectionist and basically can almost never be pleased. Even though she's fairly polite about it, she has a way of making all of us that report to her feel totally incompetent (I guess there's some small comfort in the fact that I'm at least not alone in this). Being a perfectinist myself, it's really really hard for me to feel like I don't know how to do my job. So I know I was beating myself up last night about a project I was working on that didn't go well and it often feels like nothing goes well even though I always get good performance reviews. So it's like this weird conflict in my head that I can't reconcile what the paper record says with how I feel like I'm actually doing.

In any event, it made me wonder if the eating last night was tied to that, even though, by the time I got home, I felt like I'd sort of pushed it out of my mind and wasn't frustrated on the surface. I'm wondering if I was more frustrated than I could connect with and that was what fueled the eating, or if it was just the winding down thing after a very long day. Or maybe even a little of both.

I guess I'm struggling with why it seems like I can't usually identify any particular emotions and whether that's normal and if it's because I'm not tuned into them when I should be (like they have to reach some sort of boiling point before I acknowledge them) or if I'm just overthinking things.

Okay, that felt kind of rambling and maybe didn't make much sense. But it's out there. If anyone was able to figure out what I was saying and has any input, it'd be appreciated. >)

Thanks,

Josie

[Guest guest]

Interesting.

I don't think I'm angry, but I know I'm often very frustrated. As I said, my

boss is a crazy perfectionist and I just feel like no matter how hard I work and

how hard I try, I can't ever seem to please her. The thing of it, too, is that

she's insanely smart and good at what she does, so I've learned a lot from her.

I know I'm better at what I do for having worked for her. And, she's actually

quite good to us as a boss, in terms of promoting, giving bonuses, and raises,

good projects, etc. But like I said, it's this weird dichotomy of having every

document you give her come back dripping with red ink from being edited to

within an inch of its life (and this is after you've spent days on it!) and then

getting a performance review at the end of the year that says you're doing a

good job. It almost feels like the review is dishonest because how can I

believe I'm doing a good job when nothing I give her is good enough? I really

just can't reconcile these two things.

Unfortunately, I've sort of had that issue of never quite feeling good enough

since childhood, so having a job where I get hammered with the same message

everyday just exacerbates a long standing problem.

Josie

>

> I forgot to add one thing in reply to you, Josie: I suspect that the " good

little soldier " routine may have something to do with my (and your?) not being

in touch with emotions. I know that I tend to think I can " buck up and deal with

it, " and what that really comes down to--for me at least--is just suppressing my

emotional reaction to everything that's unpleasant. I pride myself on being

strong and capable, so even acknowledging (let alone crumbling under) emotional

strain has just not been an option for me.

Living that way is sucky, and it contributes to me using food to compensate

myself for being the good little soldier and marching forth even when I just

want to sit down and cry. I'm trying hard to loosen my grip on my emotions, but

I've had them in such tight grip for so long, I expect this might be a long

process.

[Guest guest]

Oh, but I forgot to add, you're right, Laurie. I am a " good little soldier. " I

always do what's expected of me. Always. And growing up, strong displays of

emotion were definitely not encouraged in my house, so I learned to tone it

down. Now, perhaps I don't know how to turn it back on.

Interestingly, I'm often exasperated by my younger sisters (I'm the oldest),

whom I call drama queens. I often joke that if you look at my middle sister too

hard she'll burst into tears. I guess they either never got the same message

that I did, or they did and just didn't care because they definitely wear their

emotions on their sleeves. I do see that my mother loosened up with them and

definitely showed more emotion with them. I'm quite a bit older than they are,

so I think my mom probably had some development of her own during that time.

Now she chides me when I'm too " hard " on them because they're " sensitive. "

Josie

>

> >

> > I forgot to add one thing in reply to you, Josie: I suspect that the " good

little soldier " routine may have something to do with my (and your?) not being

in touch with emotions. I know that I tend to think I can " buck up and deal with

it, " and what that really comes down to--for me at least--is just suppressing my

emotional reaction to everything that's unpleasant. I pride myself on being

strong and capable, so even acknowledging (let alone crumbling under) emotional

strain has just not been an option for me.

>

> Living that way is sucky, and it contributes to me using food to compensate

myself for being the good little soldier and marching forth even when I just

want to sit down and cry. I'm trying hard to loosen my grip on my emotions, but

I've had them in such tight grip for so long, I expect this might be a long

process.

>

[Guest guest]

Well, as an editor (it's my profession), I can tell you, Josie, that I don't take the time to drip red ink on anything that is not close to perfection. If it's a pile of junk, I simply send it back pretty much unmarked and tell the person that it needs too much work for me to put in that amount of time, that it has to be totally recast before I can even work on it. So maybe that's where your boss is with your work--and I suspect she is, since you're getting good performance reviews. If you can continue to take the time when you get one of these documents back (and I know the first reaction is to put your head in your hands, bite down on your pencil, and want to scream) to look at it objectively, see the pattern of the corrections, and make a mental note to catch yourself in that kind of error in the future, you'll feel even better about getting her future feedback. I suspect you are already doing this, though, since you say you're learning so much from her.

In short, that your boss is spending time reworking your stuff says to me that she thinks you're worth the time investment: a high compliment from such a perfectionist!

My husband was my dissertation director. This was before we became involved. I can't tell you what a picky, picky editor he was! His other directees and I would commiserate about how, even on the third draft, the guy was still finding new things to pick apart. But bless his heart, he taught me to write like a fiend, with confidence and flair! And he made me fearless and egoless in the face of other people's input on my writing. I can't tell you what a gift this was. And shoot, I got me a husband out of the deal, too, LOL.

And here's maybe where he may differ from your boss: At a certain point he mock-bemoaned the fact that I didn't really need his input anymore. But he's still my choice for first eyes on anything I write. Then I send it on to another writer friend, and she has at it. Then a third, who has a different eye. What fun!

Laurie

Re: Wondering if I'm disconnected from my emotions

Interesting.

I don't think I'm angry, but I know I'm often very frustrated. As I said, my boss is a crazy perfectionist and I just feel like no matter how hard I work and how hard I try, I can't ever seem to please her. The thing of it, too, is that she's insanely smart and good at what she does, so I've learned a lot from her. I know I'm better at what I do for having worked for her. And, she's actually quite good to us as a boss, in terms of promoting, giving bonuses, and raises, good projects, etc. But like I said, it's this weird dichotomy of having every document you give her come back dripping with red ink from being edited to within an inch of its life (and this is after you've spent days on it!) and then getting a performance review at the end of the year that says you're doing a good job. It almost feels like the review is dishonest because how can I believe I'm doing a good job when nothing I give her is good enough? I really just can't reconcile these two things.

Unfortunately, I've sort of had that issue of never quite feeling good enough since childhood, so having a job where I get hammered with the same message everyday just exacerbates a long standing problem.

Josie

>

> I forgot to add one thing in reply to you, Josie: I suspect that the "good little soldier" routine may have something to do with my (and your?) not being in touch with emotions. I know that I tend to think I can "buck up and deal with it," and what that really comes down to--for me at least--is just suppressing my emotional reaction to everything that's unpleasant. I pride myself on being strong and capable, so even acknowledging (let alone crumbling under) emotional strain has just not been an option for me.

Living that way is sucky, and it contributes to me using food to compensate myself for being the good little soldier and marching forth even when I just want to sit down and cry. I'm trying hard to loosen my grip on my emotions, but I've had them in such tight grip for so long, I expect this might be a long process.

[Guest guest]

I have to agree with Laurie...I supervised staff who had to do lots of reports and I usually had lots of changes/corrections on their work before it would have my final approval...however, my editing was done with the intention of helping them, and I would often try to explain why I had marked/changed something (the reports went to many people...caseworkers, judges, probation, etc.).  Hopefully, I made it clear to my staff that it was a learning experience.  And as time would go by, they would get it adn the " red Marks " would be fewer and fewer.

Sue

 

Well, as an editor (it's my profession), I can tell you, Josie, that I don't take the time to drip red ink on anything that is not close to perfection. If it's a pile of junk, I simply send it back pretty much unmarked and tell the person that it needs too much work for me to put in that amount of time, that it has to be totally recast before I can even work on it. So maybe that's where your boss is with your work--and I suspect she is, since you're getting good performance reviews. If you can continue to take the time when you get one of these documents back (and I know the first reaction is to put your head in your hands, bite down on your pencil, and want to scream) to look at it objectively, see the pattern of the corrections, and make a mental note to catch yourself in that kind of error in the future, you'll feel even better about getting her future feedback. I suspect you are already doing this, though, since you say you're learning so much from her.

 

In short, that your boss is spending time reworking your stuff says to me that she thinks you're worth the time investment: a high compliment from such a perfectionist!

 

My husband was my dissertation director. This was before we became involved. I can't tell you what a picky, picky editor he was! His other directees and I would commiserate about how, even on the third draft, the guy was still finding new things to pick apart. But bless his heart, he taught me to write like a fiend, with confidence and flair! And he made me fearless and egoless in the face of other people's input on my writing. I can't tell you what a gift this was. And shoot, I got me a husband out of the deal, too, LOL.

 

And here's maybe where he may differ from your boss: At a certain point he mock-bemoaned the fact that I didn't really need his input anymore. But he's still my choice for first eyes on anything I write. Then I send it on to another writer friend, and she has at it. Then a third, who has a different eye. What fun!

 

Laurie 

Re: Wondering if I'm disconnected from my emotions

 

Interesting.

I don't think I'm angry, but I know I'm often very frustrated. As I said, my boss is a crazy perfectionist and I just feel like no matter how hard I work and how hard I try, I can't ever seem to please her. The thing of it, too, is that she's insanely smart and good at what she does, so I've learned a lot from her. I know I'm better at what I do for having worked for her. And, she's actually quite good to us as a boss, in terms of promoting, giving bonuses, and raises, good projects, etc. But like I said, it's this weird dichotomy of having every document you give her come back dripping with red ink from being edited to within an inch of its life (and this is after you've spent days on it!) and then getting a performance review at the end of the year that says you're doing a good job. It almost feels like the review is dishonest because how can I believe I'm doing a good job when nothing I give her is good enough? I really just can't reconcile these two things.

Unfortunately, I've sort of had that issue of never quite feeling good enough since childhood, so having a job where I get hammered with the same message everyday just exacerbates a long standing problem.

Josie

>

> I forgot to add one thing in reply to you, Josie: I suspect that the " good little soldier " routine may have something to do with my (and your?) not being in touch with emotions. I know that I tend to think I can " buck up and deal with it, " and what that really comes down to--for me at least--is just suppressing my emotional reaction to everything that's unpleasant. I pride myself on being strong and capable, so even acknowledging (let alone crumbling under) emotional strain has just not been an option for me.

Living that way is sucky, and it contributes to me using food to compensate myself for being the good little soldier and marching forth even when I just want to sit down and cry. I'm trying hard to loosen my grip on my emotions, but I've had them in such tight grip for so long, I expect this might be a long process.

-- Sue on FritzCheck out my blogs at: http://alifeofbooks.blogspot.com/http://suesresearch.blogspot.com

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