Re: A mental struggle I'm having

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn,

I am totally new to this but I just finished reading women food and God and have

started reading one of her older books. I agree with you that she does

referrence her childhood a lot and I also agree with you that half the times I

really believe I am just using food so I don't have to deal with stress, boredom

and lonliness. They are feelings I don't enjoy and shoving down chocolate helps

me to avoid them for the mean time. What I got out of her book (which I really

did enjoy) is that no amount of food is going to get rid of those feelings and

until I sit quitely with my emotions they will not pass. I can't avoid feeling

lonely by bingeing on cookies (well I guess I can for a little bit but that

feeling is still there) and and I am causing undo suffering to myself, because

now not only am I still lonely but now I am feeling guilty and upset on top of

those feelings. I just read a great book called " The Zen of Eating " that really

helped me and was a great book to read after WF & G. You might want to check it

out.

Believe me you are not alone in eating because you are bored, lonely and feeling

stressed. Who doesn't do that?

Robin

>

> Hey All,

>

> Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God and find

myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did take several good

points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and pressured. I was left

feeling like, " There must be something in my childhood (I'm only 31/32, so

almost has to be my childhood) that I need to find and deal with " But, wait, I

thought I had a pretty decent (not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was

saying that you overeat because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or

felt rejected, etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons

you overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about the

here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish years.

>

> While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this, mulling,

discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but none that seem like

the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I was on a witch hunt, looking

for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on

a basic level: boredom, loneliness, stress.

>

> Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My family

deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then feeds the rest

of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes a dip that we literally

call, " the evil dip " and when someone is dead, dying or in the hospital, we will

grab that and a bag of chips and sit round the table and jointly stress eat. I

live 2000 miles away, and when they called saying they had my grandmother in the

hospital, the only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors. Still bad

for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different way to handle

stress.

>

> Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up most of

my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny pieces and/or must

be taken out and picked up every time I want to do them and I don't find it

worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I need to find something to occupy

myself besides tv, reading and eating.

>

> Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the last

year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband travels for

work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things and keep in contact

with other adults, but the evenings by myself get long and since I have the

kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up When Food is Love and Love is Food

at Target yesterday, read the back and left it there, because I felt like it was

going to tell me that I need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm

eating because I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm

going to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without food, but

I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to my distant past

either.

>

> So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point? Has

anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for eating, about the

book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It wasn't my intent, I did find

the book worth reading, but was also left struggling.

>

> Dawn

>

[Guest guest]

Good morning!I also have to say that sometimes it takes many voices to get through to my patterened ways of being with food and eating....I have the audio of Intuitive Eating that is very helpful, the voices tend to be soothing and not as high and gratey to me as Geneen's can be at times. I also have several of Geneen's books on audio to listen to. It takes a mix for me...sometimes Geneen's work is so very honest that I can only agree with her like when she said she went to a neighbor's house and stole the granola. She made sure she made the containers look even like no body had taken any out at all and she got busted by the owner who confronted her about the food she was stealing. I can relate to that. I used to steal food in our own home because it was forbidden, there was food my dad had for his treats and us children didn't

get the same treat, or any available for that matter, we would just break into his gigantic chocolate bar in the frig when he wasn't around and "even it out" so he hopefully wouldn't know that we had taken any. I don't think I had any of this figured out as I raised my own children, but I did try to give them liberty about food and the idea thatnothing was forbidden...nothing hidden, nothing unshared with them. Once I let my son eat cake for breakfast and he still talks about that, I think he likes the memory.....I thought, what is the difference? Pancakes loaded with sugary syrup, jam, and butter or a piece of cake? I think the work of Geneen and the authors of IE overlap and compliment one another. Geneen's work seems to get more to the raw nerve of many of the issues of our dysfunction with food, IE doesn't seem---to me----to target as much agony and pain in the way we have developed our disordered

eating....I'm glad I have both of them because I have to say, somehow listening to both venues of help really does connect with me and over time, I think I will see the transitions toward a healthy attitude with food and eating take place. Nothing is overnight and I'm a hard learner. But these days, I'm going with what feels peaceable, kind and compassionate to me....I'm really glad I found this group, it's very helpful! have a great day everyone!

>>>Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent (not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected, etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this, mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom, loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead, dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors. Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point? Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left struggling.<<<

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all the response everyone. I do plan to take what I can from it and move on, I think I just needed to voice the feelings to begin that process. I do realize that my childhood wasn't perfect. Normal enough, but not perfect and that that is where I get many of my view points, ideas and habits. I plan to read Roths Breaking Free From Emotional Eating, as soon as I finish, How to Raise Your Spirited Child. Must learn to work better with the 4 yr old. Summer break is being rough on us. Thanks again for letting me vent and taking your time to reply.Dawn R.To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, June 22, 2010 5:42:10 PMSubject: Re: A mental struggle I'm having

Hello, Dawn, I'm a Dawn too! No, it's not blasphemous, you got out of

it what you got out of it. Sounds to me like you had a lovely past but

your family dealt with stress by eating. Nothing horrible and nothing

to blame on anyone. Some people do have food issues having to do with

their childhood, etc., but yours is just a learned behavior. You

learned to cope with stress by eating. Pretty simple. And like you, I

eat when I'm bored, lonely and stressed too. Of course if I get really

miserable I just stop eating entirely. But mothers of young children

without husbands to lean on regularly, who throw themselves into their

children... yeah, been there, done that. And it's very understandable

you'll get lonely and bored. I have no answers for you that you

haven't thought of yourself, but I can offer an understanding ear.

Dawn Burns (I'm new)

Hey

All,

Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God

and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did

take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and

pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my

childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I

need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent

(not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat

because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected,

etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you

overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about

the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish

years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this,

mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but

none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I

was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If

you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom,

loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My

family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then

feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes

a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead,

dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit

round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and

when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the

only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors.

Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different

way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up

most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny

pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do

them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I

need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the

last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband

travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things

and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get

long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up

When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back

and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I

need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because

I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going

to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without

food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to

my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point?

Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for

eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It

wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left

struggling.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

Hi, Dawn,

Your mention of the "Spirited Child" book reminded me that a friend of mine read that book and found it so helpful. When she would tell me stories of things she went through with her daughter, I would shake my head in wonder that she could live through something like that without resorting to violence! I hope the book gives you as much help as it did my friend. Her "Spirited Child" is now in college, and doing brilliantly. Hang on!

All best,

Laurie

Dawn wrote:

>>> I plan to read Roths Breaking Free From Emotional Eating, as soon as I finish, How to Raise Your Spirited Child. Must learn to work better with the 4 yr old. Summer break is being rough on us. <<<