sneaky diet mentality

[Guest guest]

Hi, all.

I thought I had completely ditched the diet mentality but had a small revelation yesterday. I'd been feeling like I'd found attunement with my body at a new level - a relaxed trust that my body will recover from decades of dieting, and with the genius of human physiology, learn to regulate its weight without my having to "try". All I had to do, I felt, was listen to what it wanted. This was nothing new, but it felt like I'd "gotten it" at a deeper level. In fact, I was getting a little bit high on what a great job of intuitive eating I was doing. Yeah, look at me - I've got this down now! I was savoring every bite, leaving the table satisfied, on top of the world as far as food went.

Then yesterday I was a little sickish, and a little anxious about some personal stuff, and a little unprepared in my food supply. The result was that I ate something that was not quite what I wanted and I ate just a little bit more than I needed to be satisfied. I didn't think much of it, but then I ate a little too much again at the next meal, even though I ate something tastier. And then for two hours I wrestled with a gigundous craving for ice cream which I finally gave in to - not a binge but definitely a hefty portion with no hunger.

When I sat down to figure out what was going on, here's what I realized: I'd fallen into diet head without knowing it. I'd slipped into perfectionistic, here-comes-my-bathing-suit-body kind of thinking. I didn't realize it because I was eating when hungry, stopping when full, and my fantasies were still of a pretty large bathing suit, with a sense of patience for however long it might take. But it was diet head nonetheless. And when, for various reasons, I overate just slightly yesterday, I got bummed out and felt like I'd fallen off the IE wagon. I didn't even realize it at the time, and didn't understand why the cravings were just growing and growing. But when I reflected on it for a while it became clear that I was overeating because I felt bad about (what I labeled as) overeating. I was amazed at how subtle and sneaky this diet mentality can be and how silently it can trigger overeating.

Can anyone else relate to this?

April M.