Re: NC, and dad's in the hospital

[Guest guest]

Hmmm, our friend Mercy has been through something similar recently with her

mom. Mom has breast cancer. Mercy had nothing to offer - so she called on

friends to offer prayers for mom - leaving her out of it I thought that

was a good solution.

>

>

> I've been NC with nada and my dishrag dad for almost 1.5 years, and this

> past year I've found myself checking in on this list occasionally, but not

> nearly as often as last year. Mostly life has been busy, between dealing

> with my kids and dealing with the financial crisis my nada and dad left us

> in when they screwed us over (and caused me to go NC). Being NC has been a

> blessing for my health, my sanity, and my well-being. I've been able to deal

> with nada's ridiculous attempts to contact my family (ie. fruit baskets sent

> to my kids - ring a bell?), threats mentioned to my neighbor that nada was

> thinking of calling CPS on me, and even a fake attempt at " asking for

> forgiveness " on the eve of the Jewish new year. I've been getting on with my

> life, mostly.

>

> Then a few days ago, I got a phone call from a cardiologist I've never met,

> who explained to me that my dad was in the hospital and needed triple bypass

> surgery. He had been very symptomatic for a week and went in for some tests,

> where they determined he needed immediate surgery. Obviously, nada made the

> cardiologist call me. I thanked the doctor for the information and told him

> I'd get updates from my brother. My brother has gone into the hospital twice

> this week, so he is definitely the golden child again (even though he was

> evil for a year or two). And he has been giving me updates. I'm 3000 miles

> away, so he's used to that.

>

> Believe it or not, I don't feel guilty for being NC. My best friend thought

> I would, and told me to send flowers - and I told her " absolutely not " . NC

> means I don't want to open the lines of communication in any way, shape or

> form. On the other hand, I've had a serious bout of ANGRY surfacing all

> week. All the anger that I thought I'd gotten past last year, has

> re-surfaced. And then some. Today I spent an hour or two just angry at my

> dad. Angry that he never protected me from nada, that he never once stood up

> for me OR HIMSELF, that he ALWAYS took her side - no matter how crazy and

> delusional it was. That she put him up to all the pain I'm feeling, and he

> followed through. He lied to me and then told me he never said such a thing

> once she told him so. I could go on and on... that's where my head has been

> all day.

>

> So while he's recovering from his heart surgery (and I know he will make a

> speedy recovery because nada will MAKE him - she can't function without

> him), I can't seem to feel any positive energy to send his way. And that

> makes me sad. Damn, I hate this KO stuff.

>

> Anyone else been there, done that?

>

> -

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I feel for you, !

Sometimes I think my relationship with dad is more complicated that what I feel

for NADA. My dad is very loving and gentle, the perfect dishrag material for my

steam-rolling mother. He did take a lot of bullets for me & sis, but never

enough. His own self (needs/wants/opinions) gradually disappeared into what NADA

decided.

I love my dad, but it's nearly impossible to respect him. I know he's a victim,

too, but he CHOSE to take the easy way and accept her 'reality' time and again.

On the other hand, if he had left NADA during my childhood, that would have

destabilized her and heaven knows how much worse that would have been for me.

You have the added complication of a financial debacle. The way you are handling

your dad's health crisis is perfectly fine. You are monitoring the situation

without adding drama for you or them.

Good luck and stay strong!

>

> I've been NC with nada and my dishrag dad for almost 1.5 years, and this past

year I've found myself checking in on this list occasionally, but not nearly as

often as last year. Mostly life has been busy, between dealing with my kids and

dealing with the financial crisis my nada and dad left us in when they screwed

us over (and caused me to go NC). Being NC has been a blessing for my health,

my sanity, and my well-being. I've been able to deal with nada's ridiculous

attempts to contact my family (ie. fruit baskets sent to my kids - ring a

bell?), threats mentioned to my neighbor that nada was thinking of calling CPS

on me, and even a fake attempt at " asking for forgiveness " on the eve of the

Jewish new year. I've been getting on with my life, mostly.

>

> Then a few days ago, I got a phone call from a cardiologist I've never met,

who explained to me that my dad was in the hospital and needed triple bypass

surgery. He had been very symptomatic for a week and went in for some tests,

where they determined he needed immediate surgery. Obviously, nada made the

cardiologist call me. I thanked the doctor for the information and told him I'd

get updates from my brother. My brother has gone into the hospital twice this

week, so he is definitely the golden child again (even though he was evil for a

year or two). And he has been giving me updates. I'm 3000 miles away, so he's

used to that.

>

> Believe it or not, I don't feel guilty for being NC. My best friend thought I

would, and told me to send flowers - and I told her " absolutely not " . NC means

I don't want to open the lines of communication in any way, shape or form. On

the other hand, I've had a serious bout of ANGRY surfacing all week. All the

anger that I thought I'd gotten past last year, has re-surfaced. And then some.

Today I spent an hour or two just angry at my dad. Angry that he never

protected me from nada, that he never once stood up for me OR HIMSELF, that he

ALWAYS took her side - no matter how crazy and delusional it was. That she put

him up to all the pain I'm feeling, and he followed through. He lied to me and

then told me he never said such a thing once she told him so. I could go on and

on... that's where my head has been all day.

>

> So while he's recovering from his heart surgery (and I know he will make a

speedy recovery because nada will MAKE him - she can't function without him), I

can't seem to feel any positive energy to send his way. And that makes me sad.

Damn, I hate this KO stuff.

>

> Anyone else been there, done that?

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

When there's a situation where good thoughts and prayers are really called for

and I just can't muster it, I instead pray to the divine beings I believe in and

ask them to intercede as is best. Kind of a " God's will be done. " it's out of

my hands. Sometimes I also pray that my own negative feelings which can

sometimes become as extreme as hate be redirected so as not to harm the person

in question - or just that those feelings be lifted from me. And sometimes they

are.

Of course you've gotta do what fits with your personal beliefs, but that's how I

manage it. I never directly pray for a person I have negative feelings for - I

think it's hard to do that with a pure heart.

>

> >

> >

> > I've been NC with nada and my dishrag dad for almost 1.5 years, and this

> > past year I've found myself checking in on this list occasionally, but not

> > nearly as often as last year. Mostly life has been busy, between dealing

> > with my kids and dealing with the financial crisis my nada and dad left us

> > in when they screwed us over (and caused me to go NC). Being NC has been a

> > blessing for my health, my sanity, and my well-being. I've been able to deal

> > with nada's ridiculous attempts to contact my family (ie. fruit baskets sent

> > to my kids - ring a bell?), threats mentioned to my neighbor that nada was

> > thinking of calling CPS on me, and even a fake attempt at " asking for

> > forgiveness " on the eve of the Jewish new year. I've been getting on with my

> > life, mostly.

> >

> > Then a few days ago, I got a phone call from a cardiologist I've never met,

> > who explained to me that my dad was in the hospital and needed triple bypass

> > surgery. He had been very symptomatic for a week and went in for some tests,

> > where they determined he needed immediate surgery. Obviously, nada made the

> > cardiologist call me. I thanked the doctor for the information and told him

> > I'd get updates from my brother. My brother has gone into the hospital twice

> > this week, so he is definitely the golden child again (even though he was

> > evil for a year or two). And he has been giving me updates. I'm 3000 miles

> > away, so he's used to that.

> >

> > Believe it or not, I don't feel guilty for being NC. My best friend thought

> > I would, and told me to send flowers - and I told her " absolutely not " . NC

> > means I don't want to open the lines of communication in any way, shape or

> > form. On the other hand, I've had a serious bout of ANGRY surfacing all

> > week. All the anger that I thought I'd gotten past last year, has

> > re-surfaced. And then some. Today I spent an hour or two just angry at my

> > dad. Angry that he never protected me from nada, that he never once stood up

> > for me OR HIMSELF, that he ALWAYS took her side - no matter how crazy and

> > delusional it was. That she put him up to all the pain I'm feeling, and he

> > followed through. He lied to me and then told me he never said such a thing

> > once she told him so. I could go on and on... that's where my head has been

> > all day.

> >

> > So while he's recovering from his heart surgery (and I know he will make a

> > speedy recovery because nada will MAKE him - she can't function without

> > him), I can't seem to feel any positive energy to send his way. And that

> > makes me sad. Damn, I hate this KO stuff.

> >

> > Anyone else been there, done that?

> >

> > -

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>