Re: Poor dad, the ever bearing consort

[Guest guest]

It is, ultimately his choice. You have to remember that.

My step nada basically rules the roost. My father supports her, cleans, cooks,

runs all the errands and commutes three hours a day because she wanted to move

to a posh retirement community before *he* retired.

I'm currently on the shit list, which means that contact with him has ceased.

Who knows for how long.

At this point I don't really care. If one day he decides to remove his testicles

from her purse and have a relationship with me and his granddaughters, then good

on him. I'll die of shock if that happens though.

Instead he can be bitter and jealous of my inlaws who get to spend lots of time

with my kids.

Again, ultimately, it's on him.

>

> (not really, as its HIS choice)

>

> With all the Facebook communication, NADA announced last night that my dad had

deleted his Facebook profile. Sure enough, he is either completly gone or at

lease hidden from the rest of the family.

>

> At first I started to feel guilty, as if my copying them both on

correspondence was somehow to blame. Then I looked at it another way: he either

couldn't take the pressure from her looking over his shoulder or SHE accessed

his account and blocked the family from him. Either way, he let it happen. Sad.

>

> He keeps limiting his world to try to keep her from raging, until there isn't

any of 'him' left.

>

[Guest guest]

That's so on-target for my situation. None of us, neither my dad, nor Sister

nor I were allowed to be individuals. We too had to limit ourselves and tread

carefully on the eggshells to keep my nada from raging, but it didn't work for

us either. That's why it seems like emotional cannibalism to me. Nada consumed

our individuality, incorporated us so her husband and her kids became one

entity with herself.

From my own experience as an observer (indirectly and directly) of my parents

when I was growing up, and from what I've read on the boards that are for those

in a chosen relationship with a bpd/npd person, at least the dishrag/enabling

spouse or SO of a bpd/npd person is getting some good sex out of the

relationship. Bpd/npd people must be firecrackers in bed is all I can figure.

Is that enough of a positive to make up for or balance all the negative, toxic

crap the SO has to put up with?

If so, then that makes it doubly unfair on the kids; the kids are only getting

the toxic crap part of the relationship with their bpd/npd parent with no

firecracker hot sex to balance it with.

(Hopefully! That would be a whole other toxic ball of wax!)

-Annie

>

> (not really, as its HIS choice)

>

> With all the Facebook communication, NADA announced last night that my dad had

deleted his Facebook profile. Sure enough, he is either completly gone or at

lease hidden from the rest of the family.

>

> At first I started to feel guilty, as if my copying them both on

correspondence was somehow to blame. Then I looked at it another way: he either

couldn't take the pressure from her looking over his shoulder or SHE accessed

his account and blocked the family from him. Either way, he let it happen. Sad.

>

> He keeps limiting his world to try to keep her from raging, until there isn't

any of 'him' left.

>

[Guest guest]

UMMM, nope, my parents had no sex life.

On Sun, Nov 7, 2010 at 7:52 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> That's so on-target for my situation. None of us, neither my dad, nor

> Sister nor I were allowed to be individuals. We too had to limit ourselves

> and tread carefully on the eggshells to keep my nada from raging, but it

> didn't work for us either. That's why it seems like emotional cannibalism to

> me. Nada consumed our individuality, incorporated us so her husband and her

> kids became one entity with herself.

>

> From my own experience as an observer (indirectly and directly) of my

> parents when I was growing up, and from what I've read on the boards that

> are for those in a chosen relationship with a bpd/npd person, at least the

> dishrag/enabling spouse or SO of a bpd/npd person is getting some good sex

> out of the relationship. Bpd/npd people must be firecrackers in bed is all I

> can figure. Is that enough of a positive to make up for or balance all the

> negative, toxic crap the SO has to put up with?

>

> If so, then that makes it doubly unfair on the kids; the kids are only

> getting the toxic crap part of the relationship with their bpd/npd parent

> with no firecracker hot sex to balance it with.

>

> (Hopefully! That would be a whole other toxic ball of wax!)

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > (not really, as its HIS choice)

> >

> > With all the Facebook communication, NADA announced last night that my

> dad had deleted his Facebook profile. Sure enough, he is either completly

> gone or at lease hidden from the rest of the family.

> >

> > At first I started to feel guilty, as if my copying them both on

> correspondence was somehow to blame. Then I looked at it another way: he

> either couldn't take the pressure from her looking over his shoulder or SHE

> accessed his account and blocked the family from him. Either way, he let it

> happen. Sad.

> >

> > He keeps limiting his world to try to keep her from raging, until there

> isn't any of 'him' left.

> >

>

>

>