Guest guest Posted October 26, 2010 Report Share Posted October 26, 2010 I do, too. I really do. My therapist asked me why I felt so strongly about it and I really couldn't answer her. When my father was alive, he and my mother would get me a cake and make me blow out the candles. I did it just to amuse them but it was just not worth it to me. Now when I think of it, I feel very sad. I look at my own kids, esp my older daughter, and feel how she is pulling away from me and realize I'm already doing things she thinks are dumb and not worth it. It's sad. I'm sad. > > I could care less about getting older, really. I always have some schmaltzy " this age is better " saying in my mind anyway ( " for a woman, the ages between 30 and 55 are her best, because she's like a fine wine, with all of her beauty and all of her wisdom " ). > > It's the interruption my parents are compelled to force on me, to give me " birthday wishes. " > > Yesterday my mom (waif) called to wish me happy birthday, then she literally whined (WHINED!!) at me that she never gets to talk to her grandkids. I handed the phone to the kids with two fingers. > > Then my dad (dishrag enabler) and stepmom (witch/queen) called, and hubby made me answer the phone. He knows, but he also knows (and he's right) that we have more to deal with if I don't just suck it up and answer the phone. > > Anyway, stepmom brashly hurried past the birthday wishes part to tell me what she got for me (a face cream so I won't look old, seriously! what a compliment HA HA) and then to tell me how to parent my kids " You should let them watch sports because they'll be aware of the great achievements people make " as though there's some injunction against them watching sports. They have no interest in it and I don't force them! Sheesh. Didn't bother disagreeing with her. Acted like I'd consider it but I won't. > > It did serve to illustrate why I'm not in touch with them for the majority of the rest of the year. But I wish I could legally change my birthday and not tell anyone. > > On the plus side, everyone I know (except for my parents) left me birthday wishes on Facebook. That was the best birthday gift ever! > > Still, I hate birthdays. > Tina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 26, 2010 Report Share Posted October 26, 2010 For me, birthdays have never been a big deal. I only ever had oine birthday party when I was 13 - I was allowed 2 friends, mum invited 20 of hers. On the evening of the party it turns out I had chicken pox and everyone was sent home. Mum stopped calling for birthdays or sending presents/cards when I was 16 - I never had an 18th or 21st. My partners family are very big into birthdays and when I told them I didnt really get into them, they organised a big surprise family dinner for my 30th - my partner was away for work and they didnt want me to be alone on my birthday. I was in tears at how lovely it was. I got phonecalls and presents from their whole family - and none from mine (I didnt mind, that was normal). But I was so touched that people who had only known me for a year would go to that much trouble. Perhaps you should start a tradition of going out for your birthday so you get to avoid the phonecalls? I just dont answer the damn thing anymore. > > I could care less about getting older, really. I always have some schmaltzy " this age is better " saying in my mind anyway ( " for a woman, the ages between 30 and 55 are her best, because she's like a fine wine, with all of her beauty and all of her wisdom " ). > > It's the interruption my parents are compelled to force on me, to give me " birthday wishes. " > > Yesterday my mom (waif) called to wish me happy birthday, then she literally whined (WHINED!!) at me that she never gets to talk to her grandkids. I handed the phone to the kids with two fingers. > > Then my dad (dishrag enabler) and stepmom (witch/queen) called, and hubby made me answer the phone. He knows, but he also knows (and he's right) that we have more to deal with if I don't just suck it up and answer the phone. > > Anyway, stepmom brashly hurried past the birthday wishes part to tell me what she got for me (a face cream so I won't look old, seriously! what a compliment HA HA) and then to tell me how to parent my kids " You should let them watch sports because they'll be aware of the great achievements people make " as though there's some injunction against them watching sports. They have no interest in it and I don't force them! Sheesh. Didn't bother disagreeing with her. Acted like I'd consider it but I won't. > > It did serve to illustrate why I'm not in touch with them for the majority of the rest of the year. But I wish I could legally change my birthday and not tell anyone. > > On the plus side, everyone I know (except for my parents) left me birthday wishes on Facebook. That was the best birthday gift ever! > > Still, I hate birthdays. > Tina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 Happy Birthday Tina! I hope your day was exactly what you wanted it to be. It's birthday time for me too. I totally get how you simply want it to pass without nada/drfada not using it to meet their needs. Nada emailed me some sappy crap about being so excited in anticipation of my birth in 19__ - blah, blah, blah. My fada wrote in the card they sent exactly what nada told him to write - inviting me to their new home that I haven't been to for a birthday dinner (yes I want to drive almost 3 hours for dinner so I can meet their need of being trapped in their home!) I try not to let it bother me but where in any of that is even one thought about what I might actually want? Yeah, I'm not bitter. There is just always this hollow feeling to whatever they do. Like it is another thing to check off their list and be done with. Anyway, I am sorry you are having a hard time getting excited about your birthday. I hope you can find some ways to celebrate your day and I hope your day was great! patinage P.S. What would your ideal birthday in childhood have looked like? What would your ideal birthday look like now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 Happy Birthday! I laughed out loud at the comment about sports. That has to be one of the most inane, irrelevant comments I have ever heard. LOL. > > I could care less about getting older, really. I always have some schmaltzy " this age is better " saying in my mind anyway ( " for a woman, the ages between 30 and 55 are her best, because she's like a fine wine, with all of her beauty and all of her wisdom " ). > > It's the interruption my parents are compelled to force on me, to give me " birthday wishes. " > > Yesterday my mom (waif) called to wish me happy birthday, then she literally whined (WHINED!!) at me that she never gets to talk to her grandkids. I handed the phone to the kids with two fingers. > > Then my dad (dishrag enabler) and stepmom (witch/queen) called, and hubby made me answer the phone. He knows, but he also knows (and he's right) that we have more to deal with if I don't just suck it up and answer the phone. > > Anyway, stepmom brashly hurried past the birthday wishes part to tell me what she got for me (a face cream so I won't look old, seriously! what a compliment HA HA) and then to tell me how to parent my kids " You should let them watch sports because they'll be aware of the great achievements people make " as though there's some injunction against them watching sports. They have no interest in it and I don't force them! Sheesh. Didn't bother disagreeing with her. Acted like I'd consider it but I won't. > > It did serve to illustrate why I'm not in touch with them for the majority of the rest of the year. But I wish I could legally change my birthday and not tell anyone. > > On the plus side, everyone I know (except for my parents) left me birthday wishes on Facebook. That was the best birthday gift ever! > > Still, I hate birthdays. > Tina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 My nada loved to throw me parties, but I think they were more for HER, than me. When I was young, she would invite my whole class over for pony rides and she'd make a cake. She even sewed me birthday dresses. But then, no matter HOW MUCH I said thank you (I became obsessed with making sure she could hear it - I'd say it in front of any witnesses I could find, and like a million times), she would whine the whole week after about how I didn't ever say thank you, what a selfish brat I was, I didn't even appreciate all she did for me, how did she raise someone such a " snot-nose " , blah blah blah. So no matter how good the actual party was, I was terrified for what would come after, and have never been able to properly enjoy my birthday since. (Or hers, or holidays... ugh) Casey > > >So odd this thread is here today. I told my therapist I had > >never had a birthday party as a child and today, she had a > >birthday party for me. My birthday isnt even until December. It > >was so nice that I started crying. She brought me a gift (a > >book) and had donuts with sprinkles and a birthday hat. It was > >sweet. > > > > -- > Katrina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 That just made me tear up. Your nada completely obliterated what should have been a joyful event and made it a source of anxiety and dread, instead. Its like a form of torture. These people are just so twisted, and their dysfunction is so directed at those least able to comprehend what's going on and protect themselves. -Annie > > > > >So odd this thread is here today. I told my therapist I had > > >never had a birthday party as a child and today, she had a > > >birthday party for me. My birthday isnt even until December. It > > >was so nice that I started crying. She brought me a gift (a > > >book) and had donuts with sprinkles and a birthday hat. It was > > >sweet. > > > > > > > -- > > Katrina > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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