Fw: Please join our WTOAdultChildren1 group on yahoo

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To: suetip51

Sent: Wed, October 27, 2010 12:00:54 PM

Subject: Please join our WTOAdultChildren1 group on yahoo

>

> I have lived with someone who is BPD all my life.

>  My mother hid her diagnosis and acted out abusively within our family and to

>the neighborhood. She called the police and kicked me out at 18. After she had

>rampaged and carried on verbally abusing me and a friend who was over. Many,

>Many times before I was kicked out but I stayed out at 18.  A friends mother

who

>I barely knew heard about it and set me up in a rental situation.  Apparently

>she remembered my mother from all the alcoholics who went through the hospital

>detox unit she worked at.  She had a good idea of how toxic being with my

mother

>was.  God Bless her for making it concrete that I had to get out.

> No one else did.

> At age 20 I moved across country to Calf.  When my mother visited it was

>torture we did not know she was mentally ill, we just knew she was a crazy

>handful.  We hated her visiting.  I love my Mom and want to have a satisfying

>relationship with her.  But that's a dream I really hung on to for far to

long. 

>When my daughter was 7 years old we finally completely cut off allowing Mom's

>visits.  My God could I tell you stories!

> I found out that my mother knew she was borderline and perhaps more.  I found

>out because my crazy handful sister was diagnosed , age 45, a couple of years

>ago and my mother admitted to her that she had been diagnosed in her 20's.  At

>15.5 years old my beautiful daughter started being deeply depressed, started

>losing 3.5 lbs per week, started cutting, lying, telling incredible stories

>against me, got people calling CPS, building drama, inviting a internet 22 yr.

>old man from more than 8 hrs. away to our house, shoplifting and finally was

>hospitalized and diagnosed as personality disorder by age 16.

>

> I think Diane is giving you excellent advice on keeping some sort of balence. 

>From my experiences I know they will deliberately try to provoke you at

sometime

>during the visit in the most outlandish ways.  The last day they will corner

you

>into a fight. A tension will build up to it even though you don't know what's

>wrong.  It will be impossible to avoid and when it happens you will feel

>absolutely devastated.  They on the other hand will feel relieved.  It served

as

>the way they relieve the stress of the parting(abandonment issue).

>

>  Understanding these patterns and knowing they are BPD will allow you to

>maintain your sanity because you'll know better than to believe it all because

>it's not real.  Keeping it light and making sure your flexible with an escape

>hatch will allow as much fulfillment and peace of mind as you're likely to get

>from a relationship with them.  I so wish my mother had sought treatment and

>therapy.  My God all the waste.  I can not have any relationship with her.  Nor

>my sister she's an alcoholic, drug addict and I have always been painted the

>darkest black in her mind.  She is to venomously toxic. My father has a new

>family and is ADD and ODD.  How sad this all is and alot of it could have been

>accomodated if I had know it was a mental illness much earlier.  There are so

>many times I so want to have a connection to them it breaks my heart.  You have

>the opportunity. There are a few good things that happened in visits that I

have

>an incredible yearning for.  I miss my loved ones.