Re: Changing thought patterns.

[Guest guest]

Sympathy? Yes, I hold TONS of sympathy for you. I did the same obsessive

'thinking' for a very long time; it damn near killed me, physically. The

self inflicted stress we 'kids of' put ourselves thru is not only dangerous

to our health, but can affect any/all relationships we presently have.

It has taken a lot of healing for me to reach a " cross that bridge when we

come to it " place; but I've finally arrived. Once you totally accept you

can't change them, you did nothing wrong, and they are occupying way too

much space in your head, daily it gets a little easier. Don't give them any

more power and control. They've done nothing to deserve it.

" Stop Walking on Eggshells " is one (of many) good books to help you.

good luck, hugs,

Laurie

In a message dated 10/31/2010 9:19:31 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

elora_jade@... writes:

I'm an obsessive planner. I've gotten better, but for pretty much

everything I plan for every outcome of things that are important.

My husband is the " cross that bridge when we come to it " kind of person,

so he usually just rolls his eyes at me.

I know that this comes as a result of the abuse I experienced. Plan for

the unexpected to reduce stress.

I've told my husband as much, and I've gotten MUCH better over the years.

When we got married, I planned every day, down to the hour of the vacation

we had afterwards. Fast forward 18 years, this last March we went to

Europe, and all I did before hand was rent a car and download some hotel apps,

research festivals and other interesting points. As I said, a long way!

My birthday is coming soon and I'm obsessing again over weather or not my

father (NPD married to a queen bitch BPD, I'm NC with my BPD NADA) is going

to send anything, or make a " statement " or even send a veiled " statement "

in whatever he's sending, if he sends anything. I'm on their shit list

currently because I caught them in a lie and I didn't worship at the

stepmonsters feet when she was diagnosed with cancer (she had a miraculous

recovery

BTW she's been dying for the last 20 years of something or another...I just

want her to hurry up and get on with it).

And I start to plan my response....I plan for the worst. I go over in my

head the hurt that I will feel. My father takes his birthday very very

seriously. He didn't speak to my step-brother for a year because he didn't

" acknowledge " his birthday. To ME, it isn't a big deal, no one ever made a big

deal over my birthdays growing up. I remember having one birthday party,

which consisted of my mother taking me and a friend to Mcs. My inlaws

always forget my BD, they call though. They do the same to their own son, so

from them I know they care, they just don't " do " birthdays. So it isn't a

big deal. But because my father is so...weird...about his birthday...I

always know to expect something.

But, because I'm on their shit list....I'm stressing over their response,

or lack thereof.

I *know* that my father and his bitchwife are sitting there going " ok, how

can we hurt her and send a veiled message telling her that shes a horrible

child!? " . Don't acknowledge her birthday? Send a nasty note in a BD card?

Leave a bitchy message on her machine?

My brain won't leave it alone! I shouldn't CARE!

This is STUPID! But I'm obsessing right now and its stressing me out and

making me sad (you know the drill....my parents don't love me...why did I

get stuck with dysfunctional selfish assholes...blah blah blah).

I vented to my husband last night about how I'm feeling, and he got mad at

me, and told me that I had to change my thinking patterns. Easier said

than done for someone raised in a very loving home. If I COULD, I WOULD! I

tried all day yesterday with the positive self

talk....rationalizing....recognizing my own behavior...But I'm still upset, and

now I can't talk to the

husband because he's annoyed that I can't change the way I feel or react!

Argh!

Does anyone have any book recos? Or stories? Something??

Sympathy? LOL!

[Guest guest]

Hey Hon,

I'm a planner too. Drives some people - like my BPD mother nuts. others

appreciate it. Whatev, right.

So, what would it take to make it okay? How can you render the impotent to

hurt you?

What if they leave a rude message and you don't bother to listen to to it?

Or just don't open the package or gift?

I don't open or listen to shit anymore.

Or (I believe this is level 2), figure out a way to not accept the hurt they

try to deliver? I don't know how to do that one myself, so I stick with

level 1.

Hugs! Sympathy! xoxo, GS

>

>

> I'm an obsessive planner. I've gotten better, but for pretty much

> everything I plan for every outcome of things that are important.

>

> My husband is the " cross that bridge when we come to it " kind of person, so

> he usually just rolls his eyes at me.

>

> I know that this comes as a result of the abuse I experienced. Plan for the

> unexpected to reduce stress.

>

> I've told my husband as much, and I've gotten MUCH better over the years.

> When we got married, I planned every day, down to the hour of the vacation

> we had afterwards. Fast forward 18 years, this last March we went to Europe,

> and all I did before hand was rent a car and download some hotel apps,

> research festivals and other interesting points. As I said, a long way!

>

> My birthday is coming soon and I'm obsessing again over weather or not my

> father (NPD married to a queen bitch BPD, I'm NC with my BPD NADA) is going

> to send anything, or make a " statement " or even send a veiled " statement " in

> whatever he's sending, if he sends anything. I'm on their shit list

> currently because I caught them in a lie and I didn't worship at the

> stepmonsters feet when she was diagnosed with cancer (she had a miraculous

> recovery BTW she's been dying for the last 20 years of something or

> another...I just want her to hurry up and get on with it).

>

> And I start to plan my response....I plan for the worst. I go over in my

> head the hurt that I will feel. My father takes his birthday very very

> seriously. He didn't speak to my step-brother for a year because he didn't

> " acknowledge " his birthday. To ME, it isn't a big deal, no one ever made a

> big deal over my birthdays growing up. I remember having one birthday party,

> which consisted of my mother taking me and a friend to Mcs. My inlaws

> always forget my BD, they call though. They do the same to their own son, so

> from them I know they care, they just don't " do " birthdays. So it isn't a

> big deal. But because my father is so...weird...about his birthday...I

> always know to expect something.

>

> But, because I'm on their shit list....I'm stressing over their response,

> or lack thereof.

>

> I *know* that my father and his bitchwife are sitting there going " ok, how

> can we hurt her and send a veiled message telling her that shes a horrible

> child!? " . Don't acknowledge her birthday? Send a nasty note in a BD card?

> Leave a bitchy message on her machine?

>

> My brain won't leave it alone! I shouldn't CARE!

>

> This is STUPID! But I'm obsessing right now and its stressing me out and

> making me sad (you know the drill....my parents don't love me...why did I

> get stuck with dysfunctional selfish assholes...blah blah blah).

>

> I vented to my husband last night about how I'm feeling, and he got mad at

> me, and told me that I had to change my thinking patterns. Easier said than

> done for someone raised in a very loving home. If I COULD, I WOULD! I tried

> all day yesterday with the positive self

> talk....rationalizing....recognizing my own behavior...But I'm still upset,

> and now I can't talk to the husband because he's annoyed that I can't change

> the way I feel or react!

>

> Argh!

>

> Does anyone have any book recos? Or stories? Something??

>

> Sympathy? LOL!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

This focusing on and repetitively ruminating about the birthday thing over and

over and over seems similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder to me.

I used to do that too, but RE appliances (Did I turn off the stove? Is the

coffee-maker still on? Do I need to run back home and check or did I unplug the

toaster? " ) to the point where I was returning two or three times to check (and

was making myself miserable) so I came up with a technique to " stamp " an action,

which reassured me that I did indeed " officially " turn off the lights or the

toaster or whatever so I'd stop running in that hamster-wheel of doubt in my

mind.

I'm sure some of the members have some recommendations and suggestions about how

to free yourself from obsessively, repetitively ruminating about things that you

have no personal control over (such as other people's behaviors) which is a more

difficult thing to get a handle on, I imagine.

-Annie

>

> I'm an obsessive planner. I've gotten better, but for pretty much everything I

plan for every outcome of things that are important.

>

> My husband is the " cross that bridge when we come to it " kind of person, so he

usually just rolls his eyes at me.

>

> I know that this comes as a result of the abuse I experienced. Plan for the

unexpected to reduce stress.

>

> I've told my husband as much, and I've gotten MUCH better over the years. When

we got married, I planned every day, down to the hour of the vacation we had

afterwards. Fast forward 18 years, this last March we went to Europe, and all I

did before hand was rent a car and download some hotel apps, research festivals

and other interesting points. As I said, a long way!

>

> My birthday is coming soon and I'm obsessing again over weather or not my

father (NPD married to a queen bitch BPD, I'm NC with my BPD NADA) is going to

send anything, or make a " statement " or even send a veiled " statement " in

whatever he's sending, if he sends anything. I'm on their shit list currently

because I caught them in a lie and I didn't worship at the stepmonsters feet

when she was diagnosed with cancer (she had a miraculous recovery BTW she's

been dying for the last 20 years of something or another...I just want her to

hurry up and get on with it).

>

> And I start to plan my response....I plan for the worst. I go over in my head

the hurt that I will feel. My father takes his birthday very very seriously. He

didn't speak to my step-brother for a year because he didn't " acknowledge " his

birthday. To ME, it isn't a big deal, no one ever made a big deal over my

birthdays growing up. I remember having one birthday party, which consisted of

my mother taking me and a friend to Mcs. My inlaws always forget my BD,

they call though. They do the same to their own son, so from them I know they

care, they just don't " do " birthdays. So it isn't a big deal. But because my

father is so...weird...about his birthday...I always know to expect something.

>

> But, because I'm on their shit list....I'm stressing over their response, or

lack thereof.

>

> I *know* that my father and his bitchwife are sitting there going " ok, how can

we hurt her and send a veiled message telling her that shes a horrible child!? " .

Don't acknowledge her birthday? Send a nasty note in a BD card? Leave a bitchy

message on her machine?

>

> My brain won't leave it alone! I shouldn't CARE!

>

> This is STUPID! But I'm obsessing right now and its stressing me out and

making me sad (you know the drill....my parents don't love me...why did I get

stuck with dysfunctional selfish assholes...blah blah blah).

>

> I vented to my husband last night about how I'm feeling, and he got mad at me,

and told me that I had to change my thinking patterns. Easier said than done for

someone raised in a very loving home. If I COULD, I WOULD! I tried all day

yesterday with the positive self talk....rationalizing....recognizing my own

behavior...But I'm still upset, and now I can't talk to the husband because he's

annoyed that I can't change the way I feel or react!

>

> Argh!

>

> Does anyone have any book recos? Or stories? Something??

>

> Sympathy? LOL!

>

[Guest guest]

That makes sense, an OCD kind of thing. It doesn't happen often, but when it

does, it is very intrusive, causes some anxiety and does not allow me to change

the patterns of my thoughts. Its mostly about the same things now, on my father

and his wife. The things that he has done/hasn't done over the years. Wanting

that father/daughter relationship. That he has basically put me lower than his

dogs on his " importance scale " .

I *know* that the thoughts are irrational, just like the appliance thing you

mention, but I can't help it.

I guess, I should start my mind on the " what can they REALLY do to hurt me? " I

think thats one of the traditional therapies of OCD right? Try to live through

the worst, realize you won't die....and it isn't as bad as you make it out to be

in your head.

Can they hurt me physically? No.

Will my life end if I'm disowned? No. (In fact, that would have great long term

benefits!)

What am I really losing? Nothing. They have never been there for me to begin

with, so no big loss.

[Guest guest]

EMDR can help with this.

>

> I'm an obsessive planner. I've gotten better, but for pretty much everything I

plan for every outcome of things that are important.

>

> My husband is the " cross that bridge when we come to it " kind of person, so he

usually just rolls his eyes at me.

>

> I know that this comes as a result of the abuse I experienced. Plan for the

unexpected to reduce stress.

>

> I've told my husband as much, and I've gotten MUCH better over the years. When

we got married, I planned every day, down to the hour of the vacation we had

afterwards. Fast forward 18 years, this last March we went to Europe, and all I

did before hand was rent a car and download some hotel apps, research festivals

and other interesting points. As I said, a long way!

>

> My birthday is coming soon and I'm obsessing again over weather or not my

father (NPD married to a queen bitch BPD, I'm NC with my BPD NADA) is going to

send anything, or make a " statement " or even send a veiled " statement " in

whatever he's sending, if he sends anything. I'm on their shit list currently

because I caught them in a lie and I didn't worship at the stepmonsters feet

when she was diagnosed with cancer (she had a miraculous recovery BTW she's

been dying for the last 20 years of something or another...I just want her to

hurry up and get on with it).

>

> And I start to plan my response....I plan for the worst. I go over in my head

the hurt that I will feel. My father takes his birthday very very seriously. He

didn't speak to my step-brother for a year because he didn't " acknowledge " his

birthday. To ME, it isn't a big deal, no one ever made a big deal over my

birthdays growing up. I remember having one birthday party, which consisted of

my mother taking me and a friend to Mcs. My inlaws always forget my BD,

they call though. They do the same to their own son, so from them I know they

care, they just don't " do " birthdays. So it isn't a big deal. But because my

father is so...weird...about his birthday...I always know to expect something.

>

> But, because I'm on their shit list....I'm stressing over their response, or

lack thereof.

>

> I *know* that my father and his bitchwife are sitting there going " ok, how can

we hurt her and send a veiled message telling her that shes a horrible child!? " .

Don't acknowledge her birthday? Send a nasty note in a BD card? Leave a bitchy

message on her machine?

>

> My brain won't leave it alone! I shouldn't CARE!

>

> This is STUPID! But I'm obsessing right now and its stressing me out and

making me sad (you know the drill....my parents don't love me...why did I get

stuck with dysfunctional selfish assholes...blah blah blah).

>

> I vented to my husband last night about how I'm feeling, and he got mad at me,

and told me that I had to change my thinking patterns. Easier said than done for

someone raised in a very loving home. If I COULD, I WOULD! I tried all day

yesterday with the positive self talk....rationalizing....recognizing my own

behavior...But I'm still upset, and now I can't talk to the husband because he's

annoyed that I can't change the way I feel or react!

>

> Argh!

>

> Does anyone have any book recos? Or stories? Something??

>

> Sympathy? LOL!

>

[Guest guest]

" My father takes his birthday very very seriously. "

Good for HIM! Good for HIM that he has a co-dependent wife to cosign his crap

and bring hers when his isn't enough. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

I seems that you know the actions to take, but you can't reconcile the heart

part of it. Best advice I've received in situations like this, and yes - I do

it often ... ACT normal... then it will become a habit. Don't worry how it

'feels'... not yet. So send a card (one way communication) and be done with it.

A gift if you want. But HIS reactions are going to be HIS reactions. There is

nothing you can do to impact/influence those. Allow yourself THE RIGHT to check

out. Do this a few times and it becomes easier. Then it becomes habit. Then

you just become 'normal'. Regardless of HIS reactions. You'll never make him

happy, never be off the 'list'... so why keep putting yourself there?

3 years ago, when my Nada turned 60, she was in full drama mode. Insisted on NO

bday gifts, acknowledgement, etc. I said, 'Mom... I'll do what you want here

but I will NOT be berated later for this. This is YOUR decision. " She said, 'I

know. I just feel OLD and want it to go away. " I said, " OK. " Then I called

some people/family and shared what she wanted... nothing. So, of course, a week

after her bday she started the, " My horrible only child didn't do SQUAT for my

bday... she's awful.. etc. " They said, " but that's what you wanted. you told

her to do nothing. " She was furious! So she has thrown this is my face for t

he last 3 years... I just say, " This is what you wanted. I won't be blamed for

your bad choices. " Now I send her a card and a small gift of jewelry. Period.

It may never be over for her but it is over for ME!!

His birthday is a big deal for him! It doesn't have to be a big deal for you.

Go love your husband...he just waants his wife back.

Lynnette

>

> I'm an obsessive planner. I've gotten better, but for pretty much everything I

plan for every outcome of things that are important.

>

> My husband is the " cross that bridge when we come to it " kind of person, so he

usually just rolls his eyes at me.

>

> I know that this comes as a result of the abuse I experienced. Plan for the

unexpected to reduce stress.

>

> I've told my husband as much, and I've gotten MUCH better over the years. When

we got married, I planned every day, down to the hour of the vacation we had

afterwards. Fast forward 18 years, this last March we went to Europe, and all I

did before hand was rent a car and download some hotel apps, research festivals

and other interesting points. As I said, a long way!

>

> My birthday is coming soon and I'm obsessing again over weather or not my

father (NPD married to a queen bitch BPD, I'm NC with my BPD NADA) is going to

send anything, or make a " statement " or even send a veiled " statement " in

whatever he's sending, if he sends anything. I'm on their shit list currently

because I caught them in a lie and I didn't worship at the stepmonsters feet

when she was diagnosed with cancer (she had a miraculous recovery BTW she's

been dying for the last 20 years of something or another...I just want her to

hurry up and get on with it).

>

> And I start to plan my response....I plan for the worst. I go over in my head

the hurt that I will feel. My father takes his birthday very very seriously. He

didn't speak to my step-brother for a year because he didn't " acknowledge " his

birthday. To ME, it isn't a big deal, no one ever made a big deal over my

birthdays growing up. I remember having one birthday party, which consisted of

my mother taking me and a friend to Mcs. My inlaws always forget my BD,

they call though. They do the same to their own son, so from them I know they

care, they just don't " do " birthdays. So it isn't a big deal. But because my

father is so...weird...about his birthday...I always know to expect something.

>

> But, because I'm on their shit list....I'm stressing over their response, or

lack thereof.

>

> I *know* that my father and his bitchwife are sitting there going " ok, how can

we hurt her and send a veiled message telling her that shes a horrible child!? " .

Don't acknowledge her birthday? Send a nasty note in a BD card? Leave a bitchy

message on her machine?

>

> My brain won't leave it alone! I shouldn't CARE!

>

> This is STUPID! But I'm obsessing right now and its stressing me out and

making me sad (you know the drill....my parents don't love me...why did I get

stuck with dysfunctional selfish assholes...blah blah blah).

>

> I vented to my husband last night about how I'm feeling, and he got mad at me,

and told me that I had to change my thinking patterns. Easier said than done for

someone raised in a very loving home. If I COULD, I WOULD! I tried all day

yesterday with the positive self talk....rationalizing....recognizing my own

behavior...But I'm still upset, and now I can't talk to the husband because he's

annoyed that I can't change the way I feel or react!

>

> Argh!

>

> Does anyone have any book recos? Or stories? Something??

>

> Sympathy? LOL!

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your responses everyone.

I know that you're all right, I think I just needed it reinforced and a little

support from those that understand. Its hard for him, being that he's from a

normal family with parents that love him and have taken care of him. He just

doesn't know the pain that kids like us have suffered.

I know how to do EMDR on my own, my old mentor was one of the first

psychologists in Canada to be trained in the therapy, by Shapiro herself (like

12 years ago). Not sure why I didn't think of it myself. LOL! It's actually a

pretty perfect therapy for it. I can also do it when the intrusive thoughts

invade my brain. Just have to go back and look at my notes.

> >

> > I'm an obsessive planner. I've gotten better, but for pretty much everything

I plan for every outcome of things that are important.

> >

> > My husband is the " cross that bridge when we come to it " kind of person, so

he usually just rolls his eyes at me.

> >

> > I know that this comes as a result of the abuse I experienced. Plan for the

unexpected to reduce stress.

> >

> > I've told my husband as much, and I've gotten MUCH better over the years.

When we got married, I planned every day, down to the hour of the vacation we

had afterwards. Fast forward 18 years, this last March we went to Europe, and

all I did before hand was rent a car and download some hotel apps, research

festivals and other interesting points. As I said, a long way!

> >

> > My birthday is coming soon and I'm obsessing again over weather or not my

father (NPD married to a queen bitch BPD, I'm NC with my BPD NADA) is going to

send anything, or make a " statement " or even send a veiled " statement " in

whatever he's sending, if he sends anything. I'm on their shit list currently

because I caught them in a lie and I didn't worship at the stepmonsters feet

when she was diagnosed with cancer (she had a miraculous recovery BTW she's

been dying for the last 20 years of something or another...I just want her to

hurry up and get on with it).

> >

> > And I start to plan my response....I plan for the worst. I go over in my

head the hurt that I will feel. My father takes his birthday very very

seriously. He didn't speak to my step-brother for a year because he didn't

" acknowledge " his birthday. To ME, it isn't a big deal, no one ever made a big

deal over my birthdays growing up. I remember having one birthday party, which

consisted of my mother taking me and a friend to Mcs. My inlaws always

forget my BD, they call though. They do the same to their own son, so from them

I know they care, they just don't " do " birthdays. So it isn't a big deal. But

because my father is so...weird...about his birthday...I always know to expect

something.

> >

> > But, because I'm on their shit list....I'm stressing over their response, or

lack thereof.

> >

> > I *know* that my father and his bitchwife are sitting there going " ok, how

can we hurt her and send a veiled message telling her that shes a horrible

child!? " . Don't acknowledge her birthday? Send a nasty note in a BD card? Leave

a bitchy message on her machine?

> >

> > My brain won't leave it alone! I shouldn't CARE!

> >

> > This is STUPID! But I'm obsessing right now and its stressing me out and

making me sad (you know the drill....my parents don't love me...why did I get

stuck with dysfunctional selfish assholes...blah blah blah).

> >

> > I vented to my husband last night about how I'm feeling, and he got mad at

me, and told me that I had to change my thinking patterns. Easier said than done

for someone raised in a very loving home. If I COULD, I WOULD! I tried all day

yesterday with the positive self talk....rationalizing....recognizing my own

behavior...But I'm still upset, and now I can't talk to the husband because he's

annoyed that I can't change the way I feel or react!

> >

> > Argh!

> >

> > Does anyone have any book recos? Or stories? Something??

> >

> > Sympathy? LOL!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am also a planner and organiser to a degree. Sometimes it is a gift and keeps

kaos at bay. I found that the skill is very helpfull in my business and it can

be disguised there too. As a business owner you need to be thinking ahead and

ready for all different outcomes.

My husband is also a go with the flow kind of guy and I have learnt to be more

relaxed in our personal life.

I think that some negatives can be put into positives if they are channeled in

the right direction. I also use to have what I call Monkey Chatter in my head

and what IF's role playing events before they happened. I think awareness and

self talk can help and when I realised I was doing it I would distract the

thought and tell myself to stop it. Sounds strange but it is definately about

retraining our responses.

Kazam

>

> I'm an obsessive planner. I've gotten better, but for pretty much everything I

plan for every outcome of things that are important.

>

> My husband is the " cross that bridge when we come to it " kind of person, so he

usually just rolls his eyes at me.

>

> I know that this comes as a result of the abuse I experienced. Plan for the

unexpected to reduce stress.

>

> I've told my husband as much, and I've gotten MUCH better over the years. When

we got married, I planned every day, down to the hour of the vacation we had

afterwards. Fast forward 18 years, this last March we went to Europe, and all I

did before hand was rent a car and download some hotel apps, research festivals

and other interesting points. As I said, a long way!

>

> My birthday is coming soon and I'm obsessing again over weather or not my

father (NPD married to a queen bitch BPD, I'm NC with my BPD NADA) is going to

send anything, or make a " statement " or even send a veiled " statement " in

whatever he's sending, if he sends anything. I'm on their shit list currently

because I caught them in a lie and I didn't worship at the stepmonsters feet

when she was diagnosed with cancer (she had a miraculous recovery BTW she's

been dying for the last 20 years of something or another...I just want her to

hurry up and get on with it).

>

> And I start to plan my response....I plan for the worst. I go over in my head

the hurt that I will feel. My father takes his birthday very very seriously. He

didn't speak to my step-brother for a year because he didn't " acknowledge " his

birthday. To ME, it isn't a big deal, no one ever made a big deal over my

birthdays growing up. I remember having one birthday party, which consisted of

my mother taking me and a friend to Mcs. My inlaws always forget my BD,

they call though. They do the same to their own son, so from them I know they

care, they just don't " do " birthdays. So it isn't a big deal. But because my

father is so...weird...about his birthday...I always know to expect something.

>

> But, because I'm on their shit list....I'm stressing over their response, or

lack thereof.

>

> I *know* that my father and his bitchwife are sitting there going " ok, how can

we hurt her and send a veiled message telling her that shes a horrible child!? " .

Don't acknowledge her birthday? Send a nasty note in a BD card? Leave a bitchy

message on her machine?

>

> My brain won't leave it alone! I shouldn't CARE!

>

> This is STUPID! But I'm obsessing right now and its stressing me out and

making me sad (you know the drill....my parents don't love me...why did I get

stuck with dysfunctional selfish assholes...blah blah blah).

>

> I vented to my husband last night about how I'm feeling, and he got mad at me,

and told me that I had to change my thinking patterns. Easier said than done for

someone raised in a very loving home. If I COULD, I WOULD! I tried all day

yesterday with the positive self talk....rationalizing....recognizing my own

behavior...But I'm still upset, and now I can't talk to the husband because he's

annoyed that I can't change the way I feel or react!

>

> Argh!

>

> Does anyone have any book recos? Or stories? Something??

>

> Sympathy? LOL!

>