Re: Weeding my Garden

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you were dealing with your histrionic mom all over again. I had a

similar experience two or three years ago with a very similar outcome. Only, she

would send her poor morose son over to ring my doorbell if I wasn't answering

the phone, so that she could help me hop to.

After that relationship predictably disintegrated, I did a lot of thinking about

what got me into it in the first place. It's like I accepted the " honeymoon

glomming " as a normal part of the development of friendship, when it's not.

Normal friendships are like other intimate relationships: there is a normal

progression of closeness between two people that takes time and perseverance.

Since then, I've put myself on hypervigilant alert for that kind of glomming BPD

behavior, and I try to steer away from those people before even initially

getting sucked in. It's hard to break these patterns.

Stay the course, Karla, you're doing alright.

Tina

>

> So I've been NC for about 2-3 years. I started my healing process about 8

years ago. Prior to that, I thought I had the best FOO in the world. (ugh)

>

> Some of you were so kind when I told tales of unnecessary hysteria. My

friend's mom has Alzheimers, and I wasn't able to help her like she needed.

I've been friends with this woman for 16 years. (Read: pre-healing process).

>

> Okay. So here's the update. I took a walk and evaluated my friend's

behavior:

>

> -hysterical. Utter, complete, neuclear warhead getting dropped on her house

fear.

> -unnecessarily ratcheting up the drama

> -making decisions that have nothing to do with reality, and creating more and

more chaos for herself.

> -after she creates huge levels of unnecessary chaos, she has been demanding

everyone in the world stop everything and jump in to alleviate it.

> -she believes she is the only one in the world who is suffering, and her

problems are far worse than anyone else's.

> -talking about suing at least two facilities who cared for her mom.

> -furious that the facilities (with minimum wage workers) didn't--and I

quote-- " meet her demands. "

> -people are being thrown in two categories: 1) angels who will help her like

she needs when she needs in the moment she needs it according to her impossible

standards, or 2) the anti-christ and/or fake a**holes who say they are

Christians but are really satanic.

> -she needs constant and loud affirmations that she's okay and she's not the

problem. (By the way, she's the problem). It's almost like she doesn't know

who she is without external validation

> -she called me yesterday and announced, with high-level horror: " I need you

to come over RIGHT NOW!! " (I didn't go--she was fine.) When I didn't rush

right over, she spat out some orders and then had to go. She wanted me to make

a phone call and recruit another minion. Ooops. I mean another helper.

> -She's ALL ALONE! and NO ONE is here to help her and SHE CAN'T DO IT!!!

>

> Hey, anybody. Do you see any familiar patterns here?

>

> I don't know how she'll act once this is all settled down, but I sure need to

re-arrange the importance of this relationship. No wonder I was triggered

yesterday. I was dealing with my histrionic mother all over again.

>

> Wow.

>

> Blessings,

> Karla

>