going lc with old nada

[Guest guest]

HI all.

I love this group it helps me so much.  Your posts go to my soul.  Lynette when

I read what you wrote about being her emotional hostage will only keep you in

chains and that I cannot appease her or make her happy (God knows I have tried

for 58 years)  that I cannot fill the gaping hole of need and loss within her

and that she will move on and find someone else.  I cried when I read this

because it sums up everything for me.  The beating my head against the wall I

was being her emotional hostage.

I am on week 2 of lc with nada.  She is 82 in a nursing home and still trying to

manipulate everyone.  I received a call from the social worker of the home who

says mom wants a volunteer to take her shopping .  the social worker told her

nada could go on the regular rotation of outings like everyone else.  of course

nada got angry and. so it goes. 

I am changing the tapes in my head of " the good daughter absorbs all nada's

needs & must make her happy "   bull s---.  The good daughter cuts the ties and

takes care of herself.  I had coffee with a couple good friends who I have known

for over 40 yrs.  Who have been amazing support since they have known nada

too. I asked them how come they didn't feel responsible for their parents while

we were growing up? Since in my warped way of thinking from my FOO that this was

my responsibility. 

We had a good discussion which helped validate my decision to go lc .

I am getting healthy slowly .  I know now to trust my instincts and let her go. 

Because all I have do and have done will never be enough due to her bpd.  I am

working on letting go of the guilt that she has bpd and that I should be

understanding. (do any of you deal with this and how ?)

Thanks for listening.

Blessings,

B