Humor

[Guest guest]

today'sFUNNY===========================

In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was

without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And the Devil said, " It doesn't get any better than this. "

And God said, " Let there be light " and there was light.

And God said, " Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and

the fruit tree yielding fruit. "

And God saw that it was good.

And the Devil said, " There goes the neighborhood. "

And God said, " Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let

them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air

and

over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that

creepeth upon the Earth. " And so God created Man in his own image; male and

female did He create.

And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.

And the Devil said, " I know how I can get back in this game. "

God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and

yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy

lives. And the Devil created Mc's. And Mc's brought forth the

99-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: " You want fries with

that? " And Man said: " Supersize them. " And Man gained 5 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that

man found so fair. And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained

5 pounds. And Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God sent heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to woo them.

And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own

platter.

And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra

pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man

would

not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained

another 20 pounds.

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and

brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and

sliced

the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created

sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips

swaddled in cholesterol. And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed

and created quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil canceled Man's health

insurance.

And God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman ventured forth into the land

of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: " Do I look fat? "

And Man told the truth. And Woman went out from the presence of Man and

dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.

And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took unto herself comfort

food. And God brought forth Weight Watchers. It didn't help. And God created

exercise

machines with easy payments. And man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent.

And the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod, east of the

polyester

leisure suit. And in the fullness of time, Woman received the exercise

machine from Man in the property settlement.

It didn't help her, either.