Re: Re: Do boundaries produce a scrambling reaction in your BP?

[Guest guest]

Holding the phone away from your ear sounds adaptive and

reasonable to me. I've gone a step further. I stopped allowing

my nada to talk to me about some of the topics she used to love

to ramble on about. I've let her know that I'm not going to

listen to her say bad things about me, my sister, either of her

ex-husbands, or assorted other people I care about. When she

starts on those topics I tell her we're not going to discuss

that subject and if she doesn't stop, I hang up or leave. After

over five years of that, she almost never tries to say those

things to me any more and when she does try, I no longer have to

listen to it.

At 11:41 AM 11/06/2010 coalminersdotter wrote:

>Dear Annie and Katrina,

>

>Thanks for the idea to look into DBT. I will let you know what

>I find out. This would be good to know anyway because I may be

>able to employ some techniques in school or mental health

>counseling. (May try to take myself through it, too.)

>

>Great point about suggesting the therapy without mentioning the

>possible diagnosis!

>

>I did mention my suspicions that I struggle with some BPD

>traits. She was glad to know I was looking into it and then

>went on to tell me about all of her problems and ways she is

>being done wrong by the world! :-)

>

>The waif thing is definitely harder. I have this horrible

>habit of holding the phone away from my ear while she rambles

>or answering rudely in my mind when face-to-face. Is this

>adaptive or unhealthy?

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Actually holding the phone away from your ear is probably kinder than what I

used to do with nada efore I went NC, I used to call her out on her poor me

things, you iknow the well I don't have any money, my reswponse would have been,

get a job.  To oh my aching body and the doctor tells me to excercise.  I " d

say do what the doctor says.  I think it drove her crazy and I wish more people

had done that because I think that was the only way she had a chance was to not

have people falling for the POOR ME routine.  Unfortunately then she'd just go

find another bunch to do the same thing

>Dear Annie and Katrina,

>

>Thanks for the idea to look into DBT. I will let you know what

>I find out. This would be good to know anyway because I may be

>able to employ some techniques in school or mental health

>counseling. (May try to take myself through it, too.)

>

>Great point about suggesting the therapy without mentioning the

>possible diagnosis!

>

>I did mention my suspicions that I struggle with some BPD

>traits. She was glad to know I was looking into it and then

>went on to tell me about all of her problems and ways she is

>being done wrong by the world! :-)

>

>The waif thing is definitely harder. I have this horrible

>habit of holding the phone away from my ear while she rambles

>or answering rudely in my mind when face-to-face. Is this

>adaptive or unhealthy?

--

Katrina