Stunned & confused on latest discovery

[Guest guest]

Some of u may have read a couple of my blogs about nada & fada moved in

w/my husband & I recently. They have since moved out (thank goodness), but

what a learning, yet confusing, experience.

My nada has always been the BPD, no question. The last few years in

reading about BPD, we discovered fada was the narsissist. Thru them living

here

I have been left with this feeling of confusion. Fada turns out to be BPD

and narsissist and other then the physical abuse I experienced with nada,

he is as bad, if not worse then she ever was. We witnessed him out and out

lying to protect himself, not caring at all, how he was hurting my husband

and I; he role played as well as nada (being a sweet little old man in

front of others, and a mean snake to me). I had never witnessed him doing that

in particular.

My husband and I always knew about fada demanding to be the center of

attention, controlling all conversations, glorifying himself in all situations,

and demanding pity, being a martyr for staying with nada for over 60 years

- he was really good at fooling everyone into believing his patience and

kindness due to nada being such a horrible, abusive person.

Thru them living with us, we witnessed who he REALLY is, and has been, and

it shocked us both. He turned out to be worse then nada ever could be.

We caught him (mostly me) displaying the most despicable behavior, has no

control over his emotions, easily angered, throwing tantrums every single

day, paranoid, back stabbing me, lying to nurses, his old neighbors, family.

Not one member of my family could believe what was going on in our

home..... " Dad's never done that before! " He caused such chaos in our home,

such

contention, it still has left me dumbfounded.

He left here in a huff, has not spoken to us since (2 months). I know he

can't speak to me, in particular, because I've witnessed first hand who he

really is. He doesn't want anyone to know. He's pretended to be an

entirely different person for so long and gotten away with it and doesn't want

to

be exposed.

He has tossed me aside like an old shoe.......his daughter......like I

never existed! Isn't that typical behavior of the BPD nada? Well, just a

heads up to all of you that have that narsissist, whimpy fada.......there

could be a side you've never seen lurking there. You really learn a lot

when you live with them. There's no way they can hide who they are when

they're in your home.

Hurt & confused but healing,

Laurie

Hurt and confused.

[Guest guest]

You poor kid, I'm so sorry you had/are having to go through that. What an

eye-opener in the worst way. I'm so glad for you that they don't live with you

anymore. How stressful and horrible for you.

Keep in mind that sometimes alzheimer's disease, or a stroke or other traumatic

brain injury or mixing different meds can result in personality changes, too.

But I think you're right and sometimes the passive, enabling, dishrag spouse

might be narcissitic; the raging and bullying, lying and manipulative behaviors

are all there just hiding underneath the mask of kindliness they wear in public.

Your post has reinforced my decision to never be alone with my nada again. I

feel strongly that she will attempt to pull the same kinds of false accusations

against me, if I am ever so foolish as to visit her alone or participate

personally in care-giving when she is at a point where she needs full-time care.

If and when I visit her I will always have a friend or relative or hired

caregiver with me at all times in her presence.

-Annie

>

> Some of u may have read a couple of my blogs about nada & fada moved in

> w/my husband & I recently. They have since moved out (thank goodness), but

> what a learning, yet confusing, experience.

>

> My nada has always been the BPD, no question. The last few years in

> reading about BPD, we discovered fada was the narsissist. Thru them living

here

> I have been left with this feeling of confusion. Fada turns out to be BPD

> and narsissist and other then the physical abuse I experienced with nada,

> he is as bad, if not worse then she ever was. We witnessed him out and out

> lying to protect himself, not caring at all, how he was hurting my husband

> and I; he role played as well as nada (being a sweet little old man in

> front of others, and a mean snake to me). I had never witnessed him doing

that

> in particular.

>

> My husband and I always knew about fada demanding to be the center of

> attention, controlling all conversations, glorifying himself in all

situations,

> and demanding pity, being a martyr for staying with nada for over 60 years

> - he was really good at fooling everyone into believing his patience and

> kindness due to nada being such a horrible, abusive person.

>

> Thru them living with us, we witnessed who he REALLY is, and has been, and

> it shocked us both. He turned out to be worse then nada ever could be.

> We caught him (mostly me) displaying the most despicable behavior, has no

> control over his emotions, easily angered, throwing tantrums every single

> day, paranoid, back stabbing me, lying to nurses, his old neighbors, family.

> Not one member of my family could believe what was going on in our

> home..... " Dad's never done that before! " He caused such chaos in our home,

such

> contention, it still has left me dumbfounded.

>

> He left here in a huff, has not spoken to us since (2 months). I know he

> can't speak to me, in particular, because I've witnessed first hand who he

> really is. He doesn't want anyone to know. He's pretended to be an

> entirely different person for so long and gotten away with it and doesn't want

to

> be exposed.

> He has tossed me aside like an old shoe.......his daughter......like I

> never existed! Isn't that typical behavior of the BPD nada? Well, just a

> heads up to all of you that have that narsissist, whimpy fada.......there

> could be a side you've never seen lurking there. You really learn a lot

> when you live with them. There's no way they can hide who they are when

> they're in your home.

>

> Hurt & confused but healing,

> Laurie

> Hurt and confused.

>

>

>