Sister's on the rampage again! Oh, well!

[Guest guest]

Sister's on the rampage again. Okay, sis and I live in different states. I

never knew she had any mental problems until a couple of years ago. She'd

disappeared from the family and didn't want to hear from us and wouldn't let us

have her address. I've been reading about bipolars and a lot of them seem to do

this to one extent or another. But she herself thinks she also has borderline.

We found each other again and then she told me of her diagnoses and I didn't

believe her. I thought she had just been " evil " in the way she treated people,

especially our parents. She said a lot of things about the FOO that I thought

were lies. When she showed me paperwork with her diagnosis, then I believed

her. We've tried to have a relationship, albeit long distance. I have a lot of

trouble hearing her trash our mother, in particular, and cannot for the life of

me understand where she gets her thoughts on that from -- because I was there

too, and I can tell you they are not from reality. I've asked her to not

discuss childhood because we're just not going to agree.

In a recent letter to her I mentioned my faith because she'd written about some

new religion she's thinking of joining but as far as I know it is not based on

Jesus the Christ, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, and I wrote to her and just said

something like " where did that young girl go who used to lay on the bed and read

the Bible? " I got a letter that is so typical of her -- she took great affront

at that little comment I made and turned it into -- well, she said " that was

very cruel and demeaning and judgmental " and " I didn't even read the rest of the

letter so don't know what else you said, I haven't slept in three days because

you upset me so much. " There was more, a lot more. An angry diatribe if ever I

saw one.

At first I was stung by her false accusations and puzzled by the rage expressed

in her letter. I'd copy it here but it might trigger some of the rest of you

and I don't want to do that.

Then I was angry because she would say those things.

But I'm not going to respond for a while and when I do, the boundary will be

laid down nicely but succinctly -- something like, I would like a relationship

with you because we are sisters, but I will not allow into my inner circle of

relationships anyone that I have to walk on eggshells with. I will never

intentionally hurt you. Take my letter to your psychiatrist and see what she

thinks. If you can handle a relationship where you take responsibility for your

own feelings then maybe we can go forward.

Don't know -- have to think about it. I don't want to hurt her because I know,

or believe, that she can be absolutely out of control at times with the bipolar

aspects of her illness separate from the borderline which is bad enough all by

itself.

[Guest guest]

That sounds almost identical to my twin sister. She isnt BP - she is great with

her kids but bad with partners etc, but I think bipolar or something is

definitely going on.

She takes offence at alomst anything, and doesnt remember our childhood the same

way I do - she told me a little while ago that she went to counselling and found

that she is the way she is because mum didnt let us come along to her wedding at

a registry office when we were 3. WTF???? I think the violence and craziness of

mum would be a little more of an issue than something we were too small to be

interested in!!! She also considers that I am responsible for her rotten

childhood - that I was a nasty horrid sister. Not what I remember, thats for

sure.

Once when I looked after her dog I said Id get him vaccinated and wormed for

her, and later she started a fight, claiming that Id said those things to

impress my boyfriend!?! When she occasionally gives me insight into her head, it

confuses the crap out of me, it is just not logical.

Ive tried so hard over the years to get along with her and I was always the one

who was making the effort. Now I just dont care anymore.

>

> Sister's on the rampage again. Okay, sis and I live in different states. I

never knew she had any mental problems until a couple of years ago. She'd

disappeared from the family and didn't want to hear from us and wouldn't let us

have her address. I've been reading about bipolars and a lot of them seem to do

this to one extent or another. But she herself thinks she also has borderline.

We found each other again and then she told me of her diagnoses and I didn't

believe her. I thought she had just been " evil " in the way she treated people,

especially our parents. She said a lot of things about the FOO that I thought

were lies. When she showed me paperwork with her diagnosis, then I believed

her. We've tried to have a relationship, albeit long distance. I have a lot of

trouble hearing her trash our mother, in particular, and cannot for the life of

me understand where she gets her thoughts on that from -- because I was there

too, and I can tell you they are not from reality. I've asked her to not

discuss childhood because we're just not going to agree.

>

> In a recent letter to her I mentioned my faith because she'd written about

some new religion she's thinking of joining but as far as I know it is not based

on Jesus the Christ, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, and I wrote to her and just

said something like " where did that young girl go who used to lay on the bed and

read the Bible? " I got a letter that is so typical of her -- she took great

affront at that little comment I made and turned it into -- well, she said " that

was very cruel and demeaning and judgmental " and " I didn't even read the rest of

the letter so don't know what else you said, I haven't slept in three days

because you upset me so much. " There was more, a lot more. An angry diatribe

if ever I saw one.

>

> At first I was stung by her false accusations and puzzled by the rage

expressed in her letter. I'd copy it here but it might trigger some of the rest

of you and I don't want to do that.

>

> Then I was angry because she would say those things.

>

> But I'm not going to respond for a while and when I do, the boundary will be

laid down nicely but succinctly -- something like, I would like a relationship

with you because we are sisters, but I will not allow into my inner circle of

relationships anyone that I have to walk on eggshells with. I will never

intentionally hurt you. Take my letter to your psychiatrist and see what she

thinks. If you can handle a relationship where you take responsibility for your

own feelings then maybe we can go forward.

>

> Don't know -- have to think about it. I don't want to hurt her because I

know, or believe, that she can be absolutely out of control at times with the

bipolar aspects of her illness separate from the borderline which is bad enough

all by itself.

>

[Guest guest]

Yep. It was always me who made the effort to stay in touch. But I was part of

the family she had all these distortions about and she felt she had to keep us

away for her own safety. Her own safety? As I recall, it was ME that SHE tried

to kill when we were between 6 and 9! I don't think she was great with her

kids. I don't think she was great with her partner. And I don't think she was

great with herself. She was determined to play " poor little me " and couldn't

seem to get out of that role or didn't want to. Maybe she couldn't, maybe

that's what some of these illnesses do to people.

Now that I am older, I have more patience and now that I KNOW it is a mental

illness she has, it is a little easier to deal with the meanness when it comes

out, like in the letter. I really don't think she can control her thoughts or

her feelings and I thank God I didn't inherit the problem -- I have my own

problems, yes, but she must have spent her life totally depressed and terrified.

Good luck with your sis.

> >

> > Sister's on the rampage again. Okay, sis and I live in different states. I

never knew she had any mental problems until a couple of years ago. She'd

disappeared from the family and didn't want to hear from us and wouldn't let us

have her address. I've been reading about bipolars and a lot of them seem to do

this to one extent or another. But she herself thinks she also has borderline.

We found each other again and then she told me of her diagnoses and I didn't

believe her. I thought she had just been " evil " in the way she treated people,

especially our parents. She said a lot of things about the FOO that I thought

were lies. When she showed me paperwork with her diagnosis, then I believed

her. We've tried to have a relationship, albeit long distance. I have a lot of

trouble hearing her trash our mother, in particular, and cannot for the life of

me understand where she gets her thoughts on that from -- because I was there

too, and I can tell you they are not from reality. I've asked her to not

discuss childhood because we're just not going to agree.

> >

> > In a recent letter to her I mentioned my faith because she'd written about

some new religion she's thinking of joining but as far as I know it is not based

on Jesus the Christ, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, and I wrote to her and just

said something like " where did that young girl go who used to lay on the bed and

read the Bible? " I got a letter that is so typical of her -- she took great

affront at that little comment I made and turned it into -- well, she said " that

was very cruel and demeaning and judgmental " and " I didn't even read the rest of

the letter so don't know what else you said, I haven't slept in three days

because you upset me so much. " There was more, a lot more. An angry diatribe

if ever I saw one.

> >

> > At first I was stung by her false accusations and puzzled by the rage

expressed in her letter. I'd copy it here but it might trigger some of the rest

of you and I don't want to do that.

> >

> > Then I was angry because she would say those things.

> >

> > But I'm not going to respond for a while and when I do, the boundary will be

laid down nicely but succinctly -- something like, I would like a relationship

with you because we are sisters, but I will not allow into my inner circle of

relationships anyone that I have to walk on eggshells with. I will never

intentionally hurt you. Take my letter to your psychiatrist and see what she

thinks. If you can handle a relationship where you take responsibility for your

own feelings then maybe we can go forward.

> >

> > Don't know -- have to think about it. I don't want to hurt her because I

know, or believe, that she can be absolutely out of control at times with the

bipolar aspects of her illness separate from the borderline which is bad enough

all by itself.

> >

>