I feel invisible

[Guest guest]

It's like nobody sees me, hears me, or understands me...unless, of course, they

want something or need something from me.

I'm just going through this bad funk. Usually I can shake it off and remind

myself that I tend to befriend the flea of self-pity but these circumstances

have all happened so close to each other:

* I signed up for the walking portion of a local 5K. I don't know why they

separated walkers from runners but that’s how they did it. So the runners are

called up, fanfare, noise, woooo!!!, yeah! And they took off. Us walkers were

told we’d be going about 10 minutes after the runners. We waited and waited,

10 minutes passed…nothing, no announcements. Finally, I went up to the race

organizer and asked him when the walkers would be sent off. He said,

“they’re not going to be. Just go.â€Â  And he turned his back on me to do

something else. I felt so overlooked and unimportant. It was such a letdown to

just 'walk " without a big sendoff. To be honest, it sucked to get up early for

this event for such a wet noodle of a race. My only consolation was knowing my

registration fee was going for a worthwhile cause.

* My husband and kids came to pick me up after the “race.†(I told them it

was ok if they didn’t come to cheer me on; the race was on a Saturday and

Iâ€d rather they slept in; but they insisted on picking me up.) So they came

and my husband asked me how it went. I gave him a short version of events. He

said, “oh that stinks.†And then went on with some other subject. No further

questions of interest. Nothing else. Like it wasn’t really worth talking

about. I felt like the only reason he came to get me was so he could dump the

kids on me and then take off. (OK, he took off to get some stuff done for our

house, but still…)

* my kids, particularly my teenager…all she EVER does is ask for stuff. I

mean, I guess that’s how teens are, but I just feel so used. I need to learn

this off more. I just feel like a sponge, a used, skanky sponge.

* And now, the topper...today I went to see my therapist. I was so looking

forward to seeing her today and talking through some stuff. I hadn’t seen her

in 2 weeks. I sat in the waiting room where there was another woman also

waiting.  My therapist came in and told the other woman waiting to go ahead. 

I was so, so confused and hurt. She turned to me and said, “I am sooooo sorry.

I got my schedule mixed up. That other woman comes every week same day/same time

and I just got it mixed up. I’ll waive your co-pay next time, ok? Give me a

call and we’ll set up an appointment.â€Â  OK, I know people make mistakes. I

know therapists are human. But this happened at the wrong time. I put on the

bravest face I could and then took off crying. I felt like a child whose teacher

picked another kid who was better and smarter and prettier and thinner. I felt

so rejected and overlooked and abandoned. Invisible. I don’t exist. My

appointments don’t even show

up

on appointment books. I really had to pull myself together to make it through

the next hour. Part of me wants to be childish and not call her back but it’ll

only hurt me. It was a mistake and she wants to rectify it.

I'm just venting and kvetching. Thanks for listening.

[Guest guest]

*hugs* So sorry you've been feeling this way lately. I have felt that way

before. " invisible " is an apt description of it.

I hope you feel better soon. Know that here, at least, you are NOT invisible,

and we don't even want anything from you.

Casey

>

> It's like nobody sees me, hears me, or understands me...unless, of course,

they want something or need something from me.

>

> I'm just going through this bad funk. Usually I can shake it off and remind

myself that I tend to befriend the flea of self-pity but these circumstances

have all happened so close to each other:

>

> * I signed up for the walking portion of a local 5K. I don't know why they

separated walkers from runners but that’s how they did it. So the runners are

called up, fanfare, noise, woooo!!!, yeah! And they took off. Us walkers were

told we’d be going about 10 minutes after the runners. We waited and waited,

10 minutes passed…nothing, no announcements. Finally, I went up to the race

organizer and asked him when the walkers would be sent off. He said,

“they’re not going to be. Just go.â€Â  And he turned his back on me to do

something else. I felt so overlooked and unimportant. It was such a letdown to

just 'walk " without a big sendoff. To be honest, it sucked to get up early for

this event for such a wet noodle of a race. My only consolation was knowing my

registration fee was going for a worthwhile cause.

>

> * My husband and kids came to pick me up after the “race.†(I told them it

was ok if they didn’t come to cheer me on; the race was on a Saturday and

Iâ€d rather they slept in; but they insisted on picking me up.) So they came

and my husband asked me how it went. I gave him a short version of events. He

said, “oh that stinks.†And then went on with some other subject. No further

questions of interest. Nothing else. Like it wasn’t really worth talking

about. I felt like the only reason he came to get me was so he could dump the

kids on me and then take off. (OK, he took off to get some stuff done for our

house, but still…)

>

>

> * my kids, particularly my teenager…all she EVER does is ask for stuff. I

mean, I guess that’s how teens are, but I just feel so used. I need to learn

this off more. I just feel like a sponge, a used, skanky sponge.

>

> * And now, the topper...today I went to see my therapist. I was so looking

forward to seeing her today and talking through some stuff. I hadn’t seen her

in 2 weeks. I sat in the waiting room where there was another woman also

waiting.  My therapist came in and told the other woman waiting to go ahead. 

I was so, so confused and hurt. She turned to me and said, “I am sooooo sorry.

I got my schedule mixed up. That other woman comes every week same day/same time

and I just got it mixed up. I’ll waive your co-pay next time, ok? Give me a

call and we’ll set up an appointment.â€Â  OK, I know people make mistakes. I

know therapists are human. But this happened at the wrong time. I put on the

bravest face I could and then took off crying. I felt like a child whose teacher

picked another kid who was better and smarter and prettier and thinner. I felt

so rejected and overlooked and abandoned. Invisible. I don’t exist. My

appointments don’t even show

> up

> on appointment books. I really had to pull myself together to make it through

the next hour. Part of me wants to be childish and not call her back but it’ll

only hurt me. It was a mistake and she wants to rectify it.

>

> I'm just venting and kvetching. Thanks for listening.

>

[Guest guest]

You are *not* invisible!

>

> It's like nobody sees me, hears me, or understands me...unless, of course,

they want something or need something from me.

>

> I'm just going through this bad funk. Usually I can shake it off and remind

myself that I tend to befriend the flea of self-pity but these circumstances

have all happened so close to each other:

>

> * I signed up for the walking portion of a local 5K. I don't know why they

separated walkers from runners but that’s how they did it. So the runners are

called up, fanfare, noise, woooo!!!, yeah! And they took off. Us walkers were

told we’d be going about 10 minutes after the runners. We waited and waited,

10 minutes passed…nothing, no announcements. Finally, I went up to the race

organizer and asked him when the walkers would be sent off. He said,

“they’re not going to be. Just go.â€Â  And he turned his back on me to do

something else. I felt so overlooked and unimportant. It was such a letdown to

just 'walk " without a big sendoff. To be honest, it sucked to get up early for

this event for such a wet noodle of a race. My only consolation was knowing my

registration fee was going for a worthwhile cause.

>

> * My husband and kids came to pick me up after the “race.†(I told them it

was ok if they didn’t come to cheer me on; the race was on a Saturday and

Iâ€d rather they slept in; but they insisted on picking me up.) So they came

and my husband asked me how it went. I gave him a short version of events. He

said, “oh that stinks.†And then went on with some other subject. No further

questions of interest. Nothing else. Like it wasn’t really worth talking

about. I felt like the only reason he came to get me was so he could dump the

kids on me and then take off. (OK, he took off to get some stuff done for our

house, but still…)

>

>

> * my kids, particularly my teenager…all she EVER does is ask for stuff. I

mean, I guess that’s how teens are, but I just feel so used. I need to learn

this off more. I just feel like a sponge, a used, skanky sponge.

>

> * And now, the topper...today I went to see my therapist. I was so looking

forward to seeing her today and talking through some stuff. I hadn’t seen her

in 2 weeks. I sat in the waiting room where there was another woman also

waiting.  My therapist came in and told the other woman waiting to go ahead. 

I was so, so confused and hurt. She turned to me and said, “I am sooooo sorry.

I got my schedule mixed up. That other woman comes every week same day/same time

and I just got it mixed up. I’ll waive your co-pay next time, ok? Give me a

call and we’ll set up an appointment.â€Â  OK, I know people make mistakes. I

know therapists are human. But this happened at the wrong time. I put on the

bravest face I could and then took off crying. I felt like a child whose teacher

picked another kid who was better and smarter and prettier and thinner. I felt

so rejected and overlooked and abandoned. Invisible. I don’t exist. My

appointments don’t even show

> up

> on appointment books. I really had to pull myself together to make it through

the next hour. Part of me wants to be childish and not call her back but it’ll

only hurt me. It was a mistake and she wants to rectify it.

>

> I'm just venting and kvetching. Thanks for listening.

>