Re: PTSD... maybe I DO have it

[Guest guest]

It sounds like you have a lot of reasons to have PTSD. It is very

common in people who were molested as children, let alone the

experience of having a baby at 17 and adopting him out without seeing

him. Have you ever had any psychotherapy to address the molestation

and its impact on you?

Mira

[Guest guest]

what are the signs of having ptsd

PTSD... maybe I DO have it

I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have that. But again,

maybe I do.

I have had some very traumatic life events that just seemed to be back to back.

Extreme emotional pain and major depression from broken relationships mostly.

But also I guess I have shared with some of the old timers to the site, I was

molested from the age of about 4 or 5 to the age of 7 or so the best I can

remember.

The molestation may have had a much deeper impact on my subconscious than I ever

realized. It is all so cloudy... partly because I was so young,,, and partly

could be a mental block of the details. I don't think I realized it was

traumatic at the time when I was at such a young age.

Also I don't think I ever shared much of this here. But I had a baby at the age

of 17 ... I adopted him out. I never saw him. The minute he was born they took

him away before I could see him. (I think that may have been best though). I

never regretted the decision I made, but then again I believe I have separated

myself completely from that experience. It has never seemed real to me though I

know it was.

So, I suppose putting all that with the fact that I grew up with a mother who

drank almost everyday during my early childhood though we were dirt poor.... and

her extreme negativity about life.... Maybe I do have some PTSD.

Just some thoughts.

love and hugs,

Debra V.

------------ --------- --------- ---

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[Guest guest]

Hi ,

What an eloquent letter about such a terrible subject. You have a great way

of putting words to an almost unspeakable occurrence. As you said, it was

unspeakable for so many years. I too told my mother about the sexual abuse next

door and from her brother, and neither time did she believe me, but just

punished me for being such a liar.

I really hate it that so many of us have suffered through such a childhood and

am beginning to form the same opinion as yours. It may be that because we had

to hold our tongue and just bear it however we could, that years later the

nightmarish experiences come out in pain and may be the cause of lots of

people's fibromyalgia. I know those experiences can cause PTSD in many people,

including me, and DID in more people than are known of, including me. Holding

anything in for a long time makes it find an outlet. Maybe this horrible

condition is ours.

Not being believed from childhood on or pushing it aside as your husband did,

just adds to our pushing it down farther and makes us feel crazy just like

people not believing anything is wrong with us with our fibromyalgia can make us

feel that way and brings on the deep depressions sometimes.

I'm glad your husband finally came around. It's a help to have family members

who believe in our disease.

Seeing your brother killed in a car crash must have had an effect on you

somehow, even though you were very young. My brother killed himself when I was

a senior in high school and I wasn't allowed to talk about it. My parents

wanted me to tell my classmates and friends that he just got very sick and died.

I did tell my close friends, but didn't tell many people until I was grown. This

stuff really does have an effect on us whether we realize it at the time of not

and I think the more stuff we keep to ourselves, the more comes out later as

pain or something else.

I wish you didn't feel such stress and guilt over your other cousins. There

was nothing you could have done and you don't know for sure if it happened to

them.

I agree that by talking about things more, we release more. I raised my kids

telling them they didn't have to keep any secrets. Secrets, I believe, are our

enemy.

It is interesting that when I am talking about some of this with my

psychiatrist, some of the pain that is always there in my neck, shoulders and

upper back, subsides. It comes back as soon as I leave. Interesting though.

Thank you for your letter. I think it helps everyone to know these things.

And thank you for the well wishes and for being there. I will always be there

for you if you need me, any of you. I'm beginning to think of this group as the

loving, caring family I never had and appreciate you all so much.

Take care of yourself .

Marti

wrote:

>

> I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have

that. But again, maybe I do.

Debra, I think I shared with you personally about the sexual abuse I

experienced via a neighbor of my grandparents sometime after the age

of 8 or 9 --- I could no longer tell anyone just how old I was when

it happened, perhaps my sister or cousin would remember better as

they somehow escaped the level I did. But on the other hand, no

matter what the age, it does NOT change the fact that it occurred.

My mother was aware of a change in me but she believed that was

triggered by the fact that my paternal grandfather lived with us for

at least a year or 2 and we seldom had a pleasant family meal during

the time he was a member of the household --- he and my father argued

constantly at meals, which was not pleasant but I know upon

reflection, that those arguments were NOT the largest or even much of

the changes in me that my mother saw. I find it interesting that I

once, many years ago, told my present husband about that abuse and at

that time, he shrugged it off as something that should have no impact

on me as a young woman. But in the late 1960's or early 1970's, many

if not most people, did not or would not believe the impact such acts

could have on a child. Today, that same man becomes very angry when

he hears of such acts and has acknowledged that it did have a large

impact on me. But perhaps I should also mention that he himself

suffered/suffers from PTSD from the months he spent in Vietnam, which

he would not ever acknowledge as a form of any kind of stress! I

could be wrong about why he seems to believe that but, I think much

of it is because, to him, serving his country was what one did and

his family/ancestors had fought in many wars if not all of the wars

that have been fought from the beginning of the settlement of the US.

One thing that I find interesting when I read the posts of many

people in this groups is how many of us have suffered some form of

abuse at some period or periods of our lives --- but then that also

gives me another insight as I write that --- we have concealed the

abuse and in concealing the abuse from others, we have, unknowingly,

caused pain that we cannot or could not understand. I am reminded

that when I talk about certain subjects, I automatically put my right

hand over the area I think of as my heart --- and that is the area

where what I now know I first began experiencing what has now been

diagnosed as Fibro. But also that abuse and other events, such as

the fact that I saw, at the age of 11 months, my older brother killed

violently by a drunk driver, were occurances that I could not

verbalize and because of the inability to express, were suppressed

physically and mentally!

And in relation to the sexual abuse, I also have had some feelings of

guilt in recent years as I wonder if any of my younger female

cousins, who lived close to the man who abused me, may have done the

same to any of those three (more guilt, more stress!)

I do know that I have finally verbalized some of what happen to me to

others, including my niece when I called her last summer and asked

her if she knew how many registered sex offenders lived close to

her. I was startled at her response as it was a very dismissive on

which alarmed me as she has three daughters of her own. Before

ending the conversation, I said " Perhaps I am more concerned about

that because of the sexual abuse I experienced as a child! " And I

also said something to a former classmate when she made a remark that

she " knew it could not be true about several of her neighbors who are

on the list in our home town! " I said pretty much the same thing to

her as I did to my niece!

So, now that I am on my soapbox again, perhaps one thing that might

be helpful is if adults who do realize they experienced abuse spoke

out more, others would not be so dismissive or believe " they couldn't

do that! "

Debra and Marti, I just want you to know that I am here and do care

as I know you share the same pain that I had buried for so long.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

http://www.hmh.net/adam/patientreports/000076.htm

PTSD... maybe I DO have it

I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have that. But again,

maybe I do.

I have had some very traumatic life events that just seemed to be back to back.

Extreme emotional pain and major depression from broken relationships mostly.

But also I guess I have shared with some of the old timers to the site, I was

molested from the age of about 4 or 5 to the age of 7 or so the best I can

remember..

The molestation may have had a much deeper impact on my subconscious than I ever

realized. It is all so cloudy... partly because I was so young,,, and partly

could be a mental block of the details. I don't think I realized it was

traumatic at the time when I was at such a young age.

Also I don't think I ever shared much of this here. But I had a baby at the age

of 17 ... I adopted him out. I never saw him. The minute he was born they took

him away before I could see him. (I think that may have been best though). I

never regretted the decision I made, but then again I believe I have separated

myself completely from that experience. It has never seemed real to me though I

know it was.

So, I suppose putting all that with the fact that I grew up with a mother who

drank almost everyday during my early childhood though we were dirt poor.... and

her extreme negativity about life.... Maybe I do have some PTSD.

Just some thoughts.

love and hugs,

Debra V.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

http://www.pacificmedistim.com.au/gpage.html

PTSD... maybe I DO have it

I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have that. But again,

maybe I do.

I have had some very traumatic life events that just seemed to be back to back.

Extreme emotional pain and major depression from broken relationships mostly.

But also I guess I have shared with some of the old timers to the site, I was

molested from the age of about 4 or 5 to the age of 7 or so the best I can

remember..

The molestation may have had a much deeper impact on my subconscious than I ever

realized. It is all so cloudy... partly because I was so young,,, and partly

could be a mental block of the details. I don't think I realized it was

traumatic at the time when I was at such a young age.

Also I don't think I ever shared much of this here. But I had a baby at the age

of 17 ... I adopted him out. I never saw him. The minute he was born they took

him away before I could see him. (I think that may have been best though). I

never regretted the decision I made, but then again I believe I have separated

myself completely from that experience. It has never seemed real to me though I

know it was.

So, I suppose putting all that with the fact that I grew up with a mother who

drank almost everyday during my early childhood though we were dirt poor.... and

her extreme negativity about life.... Maybe I do have some PTSD.

Just some thoughts.

love and hugs,

Debra V.

---------------------------------

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

[Guest guest]

http://www.fibromyalgiachat.com/

PTSD... maybe I DO have it

I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have that. But again,

maybe I do.

I have had some very traumatic life events that just seemed to be back to back.

Extreme emotional pain and major depression from broken relationships mostly.

But also I guess I have shared with some of the old timers to the site, I was

molested from the age of about 4 or 5 to the age of 7 or so the best I can

remember..

The molestation may have had a much deeper impact on my subconscious than I ever

realized. It is all so cloudy... partly because I was so young,,, and partly

could be a mental block of the details. I don't think I realized it was

traumatic at the time when I was at such a young age.

Also I don't think I ever shared much of this here. But I had a baby at the age

of 17 ... I adopted him out. I never saw him. The minute he was born they took

him away before I could see him. (I think that may have been best though). I

never regretted the decision I made, but then again I believe I have separated

myself completely from that experience. It has never seemed real to me though I

know it was.

So, I suppose putting all that with the fact that I grew up with a mother who

drank almost everyday during my early childhood though we were dirt poor.... and

her extreme negativity about life.... Maybe I do have some PTSD.

Just some thoughts.

love and hugs,

Debra V.

---------------------------------

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