Managing a visit with NADA

[Guest guest]

Hey, need some suggestions. My mother is coming for a visit this summer to see

me and my family, including our son who will be 2. Some well-meaning but

ignorant friend of hers is paying the airfare.

First question: visits longer than 4-5 days inevitably end in disaster. She is

talking about coming for 10 days. How do I say, " 10 days is too long " without

saying it quite like that? I am not too proud to be deceptive, so any idea, no

matter how sneaky, is welcomed.

Second question: the issue she is sure to choose to make The Issue of her visit

is spending time alone with my son. Since she beat the crap out of me, raged at

me etc. from at least two years on, this is not going to happen. But, I know

this is going to be what she insists on - she's made it an issue since before I

was even married - am I going to trust her with my kids by herself? At one

point, I thought I would, when I thought she had changed and before I knew about

BPD and before two extremely bad visits. She has visited twice since then when

he was an infant, and held it together for the most part. But I still feel the

tension just below the surface and I don't trust her with my son, especially not

now when he has developed a personality, a huge will of his own and a flair for

dramatic tantrums. Again, Im not above giant lies with her, especially not when

it is for my son, so all suggestions welcomed.

I could ask my therapist, but my insurance as a teacher is not very good and I

have to pay OOP. Since there are probably billions of dollars worth of

therapist's advice available by proxy on here, thought I'd ask you all first.