Sadness and Salvation

[Guest guest]

Sadly it took me 50 years to learn about BPD, but better late than never. Armed

with newfound information and fed up with the constant scorpion stings of my BPD

dil and BPD nada I no longer want anything to do with either of them. I told

fada this summer that I'd had it with nada and asked him to visit me privately

to discuss her. He said " What's there to talk about? You just have to put up

with her. "

Well, no I don't. I didn't marry her, he did. I've seen them twice since then

for a few family birthdays and it was very uncomfortable.

This weekend is the birthday of my younger son, who hasn't yet been turned

against me by my toxic parents. Typically in the past, all of us, my parents, my

husband and I and two sons and their SOs would go out to dinner together for

birthdays. My older son & his BPD Witch/Queen wife have ceased their attendance

at all such gatherings...unless of course such occasion involves bestowing gifts

upon the Witch/Queen herself.

We've been invited to dinner with son, his gf and her parents on Sunday at the

home of her parents. Truly a great relief for me, for I don't have to feel

awkward about hosting it here and excluding those I'd rather not see.

I've been doing so well at letting go of nada and fada, that they haven't even

crossed my mind lately. Tonight fada called my husband's cell phone, but he was

tired and didn't answer or return the call. I spoke to son tonight to see if

fada had called him. Its been arranged for fada and nada to have lunch with my

son on Saturday to celebrate his birthday.

Learning this news saddens me, for I feel this is truly the end of an era in my

life. My family has now officially a wasteland, raped, pillaged and destroyed

by BPD. Fada is now facing the cost of choices = peace at any price, and I feel

sorry for him. He's appeased his wife and " put up with " her behavior for 58

years, expecting everyone else to do the same. Look what its cost him....

his/their only child. Oh they've still got their two grandsons. My oldest has

been hoovered into BPD dysfunction and completely is stockholmed by now. My

youngest is still keeping an open mind in regards to me. I've told him I need

to talk to him someday to explain all of this, but so far he's not given me the

opportunity.

I don't know what's sadder. The fact that my family is destroyed, the fact that

my parents have lost their only child, or the fact that I don't really care or

feel guilty about them anymore. In the last few weeks, I've forgotten about my

parents completely, as if they're already dead. In my opinion, fada has been a

dead man walking for decades. Nada sucked him dry a long long time ago...the

same thing my dil is doing to my son.

Its far too late to save fada, but is it too late to save my son? How does a

person reach someone who is stockholmed and brainwashed and lives in fear of his

controlling banchee of a wife?

Have any of you ever been successful in rescuing someone from the BPD vaccuum?

Is it possible? If so, how? Can we ever save anyone from this sinking ship

besides ourselves?