Pain, sucide and some information I found that helped my aunt in her last days

[Guest guest]

I haven't posted much since before Christmas --- we left PA the

Thursday before Christmas and arrived home on Monday. By Wednesday I

was in horrible pain --- sinus infection and the cavities in my face

were so full of gunk that I could not get comfortable. Called doc,

her assistant said to drink lots of water, get a decongestant (how

could I forget either of those, --- simple, I had not had that

serious a bout in a number of years!). So, add that to all over body

pains -- could have been fibro but on the other hand it may have been

from the infection/virus.

To JOhn and Grount, having made 2 sucide attempts, one of which I

described here sometime ago meant I got to have my stomach pumped to

get rid of nearly 80 Elavil tablets (apparently, as I said before,

you are suppose to remember them sticking that tube down you throat,

but I HAVE NO SUCH MEMORY). The first time I had down some valium,

certainly not as many as the Elavil, but that did put me in a large

metropolitan hospital. But, after that second time in a small rural

community that had been economically depressed for 10 years at least

by the early 1990's, I was not treated very well for several days.

Nurses and some others on staff seemed to think I was just another

person who had faked that attempt; took awhile before they realized

that I was not one of their usual patients and was not there to be

declared disabled, believe me I have no intention of going back in

the hospital and spend time on a psych ward (unless it were to be as

pleasant as that metropolian hospital in the midwest -- yes, it was

hard but they really worked hard to teach patients was to cope.)

So, I would suggest that no one try that way to escape the pain of

the fibro! There are things that can be worse --- i.e., treatment of

staff who don't think you are sick but trying to disability. And

believe me, I got very angry when I listened to several people,

mostly very young, who, when talking about why they could NOT work

said " I can't get up to go to work!! " My response to that remark was

that many people don't want to get up and go to work, but usually it

is a necessity!! And it also can build self esteem.

Now on a different subject entirely! Perhaps I should have split

this but with the subject of this email, perhaps it will catch some

attention. I want to share this with everyone who is a member of

this group and ask that they share it with others. My aunt was

diagnosed with breast cancer back in March of last year and each time

I saw her or talked to her, she seemed to be getting worse and

worse. In late October/early November we were visiting in Illinois

and I got even madder about the interaction between she and her

husband. The youngest aunt, who lives next door did not warn me

about what we would find and had left before we could stop back at

her house. I talked to my sister the nurse who said, oh perhaps it

was your demeanor! Well, I knew that was not true because I had been

listening to his nasty remarks on almost every visit I paid to them

over the past 3 years or so. And if I called, and he answered, he

would say some nasty remark about her --- and she heard all of them.

Well, when we got home from that trip in November, I searched the web

for the site for elder abuse, whatever I could find and reported what

I had seen. Not knowing what my aunt's schedule might be like, I

could not tell the woman when she might be home and I do know the

first time she went, my youngest aunt and the other aunt's daughter

was there and gave the woman some info. She did see my aunt that

week, spoke to her in private and also spoke to my uncle.

Unfortunately, between that visit and the week prior to my aunt's

death, for whatever reason, the social worker did not see her again

until I called her and said my aunt was in the hospital. At that

point, the decision was made that should my aunt recover enough to

leave the hospital, she WOULD NOT BE GOING home so that my uncle

could revert to inflect anymore abuse --- which included withholding

her pain meds. And he was overheard by the doctor telling someone in

the hospital what he was giving her and what he wasn't giving her.

Whether he had misunderstood or not, the doctor was furious and

said " I TOLD YOU TO GIVE HER XYZ (WHICH I THINK WAS THE PAIN MED) and

not to give her the other medicine. "

I just want all of you to know that if you even think someone is

experiencing any form of abuse at the hands of another person, FIND

THE CORRECT AGENCY TO REPORT THE SITUATION TO!!! What I learned

while we were home over the Christmas holiday, was that neither my

cousins nor my youngest aunt knew that they could make the call to an

area agency and any information they gave would be confidential and

the social worker, investigator really couldn't reveal to me much to

me about her visits, but I do know that my aunt's last days on earth

were much more peaceful. And I also know that my SOB of an uncle is

turning his children, and my aunt's extended family against him with

his continuing nasty behavior.

SO PLEASE, IF YOU THINK SOMEONE IS IN HARM'S WAY, FIND THE RIGHT

STATE, COUNTY, ETC. AGENCY that can step in. And don't wait too long

to do so!!

Thank you all for reading this. I also want to say that I did call

the investigator earlier today to tell her how much I appreciate her

intervention on behave of my aunt. Of course, with the death of my

aunt, I don't think there could be any follow up so she appreciated

my phone call.