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NC, and dad's in the hospital

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I've been NC with nada and my dishrag dad for almost 1.5 years, and this past

year I've found myself checking in on this list occasionally, but not nearly as

often as last year. Mostly life has been busy, between dealing with my kids and

dealing with the financial crisis my nada and dad left us in when they screwed

us over (and caused me to go NC). Being NC has been a blessing for my health,

my sanity, and my well-being. I've been able to deal with nada's ridiculous

attempts to contact my family (ie. fruit baskets sent to my kids - ring a

bell?), threats mentioned to my neighbor that nada was thinking of calling CPS

on me, and even a fake attempt at " asking for forgiveness " on the eve of the

Jewish new year. I've been getting on with my life, mostly.

Then a few days ago, I got a phone call from a cardiologist I've never met, who

explained to me that my dad was in the hospital and needed triple bypass

surgery. He had been very symptomatic for a week and went in for some tests,

where they determined he needed immediate surgery. Obviously, nada made the

cardiologist call me. I thanked the doctor for the information and told him I'd

get updates from my brother. My brother has gone into the hospital twice this

week, so he is definitely the golden child again (even though he was evil for a

year or two). And he has been giving me updates. I'm 3000 miles away, so he's

used to that.

Believe it or not, I don't feel guilty for being NC. My best friend thought I

would, and told me to send flowers - and I told her " absolutely not " . NC means

I don't want to open the lines of communication in any way, shape or form. On

the other hand, I've had a serious bout of ANGRY surfacing all week. All the

anger that I thought I'd gotten past last year, has re-surfaced. And then some.

Today I spent an hour or two just angry at my dad. Angry that he never

protected me from nada, that he never once stood up for me OR HIMSELF, that he

ALWAYS took her side - no matter how crazy and delusional it was. That she put

him up to all the pain I'm feeling, and he followed through. He lied to me and

then told me he never said such a thing once she told him so. I could go on and

on... that's where my head has been all day.

So while he's recovering from his heart surgery (and I know he will make a

speedy recovery because nada will MAKE him - she can't function without him), I

can't seem to feel any positive energy to send his way. And that makes me sad.

Damn, I hate this KO stuff.

Anyone else been there, done that?

-

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