Re: traumatic holiday memories

[Guest guest]

Holy Cow. Some people are just SO not qualified to be raising children, its

just somewhere between shocking and pathetic and infuriating.

Letting a little child suffer pain for weeks and weeks from a freaking tooth

abscess??!! That's unconscionable. Just, so horribly unconscionable. I

developed an abscessed tooth in just a couple of weeks a few years back, and it

FREAKING HURT LIKE HELL.

I wish you could have been removed from your parents' " care " for your own

safety. In a better world, that would happen: little helpless children would be

rescued from freaking insane, negligent, self-absorbed, goofball parents.

And I want to smack your dad around too, for not noticing that you had pain and

a neck lump from the infection. Good Lord.

That's good that you're writing all this stuff down; writing down memory after

memory, incident after incident reveals the pattern of neglect and abuse.

One incident, OK: an " oops " or a " sorry " can cover it, but a pattern of neglect

and/or abuse can't be explained or apologized or excused or rationalized away,

though.

Its the pattern of negligence and abuse that tells the real story.

-Annie

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> I have been keeping an online blog that is private and just my therapist has

the password. Today she read some of my writings aloud and we are now moving

towards me envisioning myself letting go of some of these memories. In order to

do that, though, I am trying to write them down. Since the holidays are

approaching, I am having a lot of sadness with all that I missed. I try so very

hard to make sure that I hide it from my family and make traditions for them,

but inside, I feel like it sucks to have missed so much of the beautiful part of

the holidays. I know this is a process of letting go and I am working very hard

at it.

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> Today I started writing about my Halloween memories. I have some memories of

going trick-or-treating, but it was always in a very bizarre " mother is more

important " type of way. I can't quite explain it. The one trauma I do remember

was that I once had an abcessed tooth. My mother NEVER took me to the dentist

(not for cleanings, braces, nothing -- none of that was done until I was an

adult and paid for it myself). Anyway, I had a lump under my neck (from the

abcess) and didn't say anything to my mother because she had been so phobic

about cancer. Even though I was only about 8, I still knew lump = cancer. I was

always way overly informed about very adult things.

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> She was wiping off my Halloween makeup after my dad took me trick-or-treating

and found the lump in my neck. She immediately freaked out!! She ran around the

house like an absolute fool for DAYS, calling people telling them I probably had

cancer. Putting herself into hysterics and scaring the sh** out of me. She

never once took into consideration the way she was acting around me. She did

the same thing when she once found a lump on my shoulder.

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