Re: I should probably explain my day

[Guest guest]

After reading this, and thinking of your " confused " post the other day,

maybe the evaluator is the one who's confused. Why not take him shopping

with you sometime?

Sissi (who feels your pain)

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/4/02 9:42:20 PM Eastern Standard Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

> When he was the LAST CHILD REMAINING, I went up to him and got him to dress

> and we left. He needs no help dressing.

Do you think he has it in his mind that he's suppose to be the last one? At

school must always be restrained because she always wants to be first.

She usually ends up having her hand held to keep her back.

Have you asked him if there is a reason he's always last?

[Guest guest]

I hear you. It is so easy to get frustrated with

them because everything is SUCH a herculean

effort. I'm still dressing ny and feeding him

at three, it's like having 2 infants in the house

sometimes. ny also runs into the street which

is very scary so I can understand why taking

to a couple of places can wear you out with the

repeating and the yelling and the rules and having

to watch him like a hawk every second.

jen

>

>..and why toothbrushing pushed me over the edge.

>

>Every day when the kids are done school, they come out into the hallway and

change into their outdoor clothes, which are hanging on hooks. They then leave

by the door right there and meet their parents in the schoolyard where they are

waiting. At the beginning of school, would come out with a burst of kids.

As time has gone on, he has taken longer and longer. The last couple weeks,

I've had to go in and oversee his dressing in order to get him out ina timely

manner. There is no aide at hometime; aides finish their day half an hour

before the end of school - don't ask me why, but that's in their union contract.

>

>Today, I decided to run a little experiment. I stood in the foyer, watching

through a window. His hook is at the end of the row, on a corner. While

80% of his class had dressed and gone, he was still wearing one indoor shoe,

none of his outdoor things, and was skittering up and down the wall, looking

around the corner, squatting, standing, singing, dancing, skittering some

more...

>

>I watched this for three minutes. Then i cam just inside the door, about 40

feet from him. When he saw me, he smiled and waved and put his boots on. Then

he went back to the other business of being freaky and distracted. I watched

this for about five minutes.

>

>When he was the LAST CHILD REMAINING, I went up to him and got him to dress and

we left. He needs no help dressing.

>

>As we went to the car, a kid said hi eric. took no notice. I reminded

him it's important to say 'hi' back to someone. He turned around and screamed

'hi', and when the kid didn't respond, he screamed it louder and longer and then

louder and longer still, until I told him stop.

>

>We had two seperate skirmishes on the way to the car over stupid things. We

went to the mall, and he asked for a treat, which I agreed he could have, but

then he ran out in traffic and I revoked it. He asked me to give him another

chance. I said ok.

>

>We went to the drugstore to pick up a package at the mail kiosk. In the same

aisle that the mail desk anchors, there is a bank of glass shelves holding lots

of different glass bric-a-brac. Over and over we have reviewed the fact that he

is NOT to touch what's on the glass shelves, and neither am I. we're both

clumsy, and we could break things easily.

>

>So as I stood at the maildesk waiting for her to find my packages, went

straight to the glass shelves and picked up a snow globe. I told him to put it

down, reminding him of the glass shelf rule. " Im not going to break it, " he

said, and ignored my command. I repeated myself. HE repeated HIMSELF, louder.

I said, " Is this what you do with your second chances? " He put the snowglobe

back. I got the packages and one was light, so I gave it to to carry. As

we headed to the front to chose his treat, AGAIN he picked up a snowglobe. I

told him to put it back, he didn't, I did, and told him no treat, we were

walking right out of the store. So we did, with him whining the whole way.

>

>Once outside, still whining, he stepped off the curb into traffic. I yelled.

As we crossed the now empty parking lot, all of a sudden he glared pointedly and

BASHED himself in the head with the box he was carrying. I grabbed it from him

and ordered him into the car, resolving not to speak until I could be trusted

not to flip out.

>

>He pulled the front fold of his toque down over his face and spent the entire

ride home in a blacked-out silence that I didn't break.

>

>When we walked in the front door, he turned to me and said, " Are we all happy

now? " and beamed a big fake grin at me.

>

>It took all I had not to smack it off his face.

>

>So then we did his homework and had supper and watched Lilo and Stitch on video

and had a bearable evening, nice even, at the end...and then the toothbrushing

thing just sent me right round the bend.

>

>It's just exhausting! All the drama, all the exaggerated feelings, all the

FUSS that has to be made over every single damn thing. I am SICK of not being

able to just go to the stupid store, pick up a package and get my kid a treat

and leave! I am SICK of all the yelling and repeating and repeating and

repeating. I am SICK of the SICK feeling I get when my son hits himself in the

head when he's angry at me! I am SICK of being a constant watchdog and

cheerleader and therapist and motivator and scheduler and planner and crisis

manager and diplomat and disciplinarian and bad guy and accounts manager and

personal assistant and health care aide and cook and maid and slave! And for

what!? For a kid who looks me in the face, right in the EYE, while doing what

I tell him not to and then bashes himself in the head with a box full of books

when I punish him!

>

>And it's the first day of my period.

>

>Jacquie

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> Yeah, there is no question for me now that while I DO agree that

has

> ADHD, I do NOT agree that he does not present as autistic.

>

I totally agree. The thing the evaluators often forget is that these

kids present differently in a one to one controlled setting than they

do in the world at large. The greater difficulties come when they

are being taxed socially and on multisensory levels at the same time.

In isolation and present much differently than

they do in group settings. When you minimize the social and sensory

stressors their ability to control their responses and interact

individually is improved dramatically. Throw them into a group

setting or take them to the grocery store or (heaven forbid) WalMart,

and it's a completely different story.

[Guest guest]

And let's not forget Miss . She would be perfectly happy if

98% of the world's population disappeared or relocated to a distant

planet. Otherwise people are not a problem as long as you are not

required to be pleasant to them and you are permitted to socialize

at will (on not!).

[Guest guest]

> After reading this, and thinking of your " confused " post the other day,

> maybe the evaluator is the one who's confused. Why not take him shopping

> with you sometime?

Yeah, there is no question for me now that while I DO agree that has

ADHD, I do NOT agree that he does not present as autistic.

Remarkably, that comes as a big relief.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

The Hunny Family wrote:

> It's just exhausting! All the drama, all the exaggerated feelings, all

> the FUSS that has to be made over every single damn thing. I am SICK of

> not being able to just go to the stupid store, pick up a package and get

> my kid a treat and leave! I am SICK of all the yelling and repeating

> and repeating and repeating. I am SICK of the SICK feeling I get when

> my son hits himself in the head when he's angry at me! I am SICK of

> being a constant watchdog and cheerleader and therapist and motivator

> and scheduler and planner and crisis manager and diplomat and

> disciplinarian and bad guy and accounts manager and personal assistant

> and health care aide and cook and maid and slave! And for what!? For

> a kid who looks me in the face, right in the EYE, while doing what I

> tell him not to and then bashes himself in the head with a box full of

> books when I punish him!

>

> And it's the first day of my period.

Ahh.... say no more... :-)

Seriously though, this day sounds like it could have been written about

my friend with her son who is ADHD (but NT). Sounds exactly like him.

~ Karin

[Guest guest]

so I can understand why taking

> to a couple of places can wear you out with the

> repeating and the yelling and the rules and having

> to watch him like a hawk every second.

>

>

> jen

I sooooooo understand that statement...

nancy

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

Your post below is exactly what I was going to say. Your child is the same

child he has always been, he has just learned to hide or improve some of the

problems you used to see. Our kids will improve, but they will ALWAYS be

autistic. (yes, it sucks). You have to ignore what that Dr. said about him

because he hasn't seen in real life. can test so well in a one

on one situation. Look how long I've been trying to tell the people here

about his issues! Also, aspie's and hfa's are good at learning answers, so

who's to say that 's responses to this guy weren't things he learned to

respond to? Take your expectations away from the Dr. saying he's not

autistic and go back to being prepared for 's unusual responses from the

past and continue to hope for, and look for, more improvements. You'll

probably both be happier. Hugs!!

Sue

[Guest guest]

My Gawd. We are living parallel lives.

We have to get through this Jacquie..we have to. I'm just at the point

where I just don't know how the hell we're going to.

:/

Penny

[Guest guest]

OMG Jen.

I was doing the same thing with Jacqui at 3...4.... AND 5!

At 3 I was still CARRYING her to the car....

At 4 I was still picking her up, putting her in, and picking her up and

taking her out of the car.

*sigh*

Re: I should probably explain my day

I hear you. It is so easy to get frustrated with

them because everything is SUCH a herculean

effort. I'm still dressing ny and feeding him

at three, it's like having 2 infants in the house

sometimes. ny also runs into the street which

is very scary so I can understand why taking

to a couple of places can wear you out with the

repeating and the yelling and the rules and having

to watch him like a hawk every second.

jen

[Guest guest]

>>>>>>>>>

I totally agree. The thing the evaluators often forget is that these

kids present differently in a one to one controlled setting than they

do in the world at large. The greater difficulties come when they

are being taxed socially and on multisensory levels at the same time.

<<<<<<<<<

Yep.

Jacqui's ST told me the other day how well she is doing, especially on

multi-directions tasks....and she was quick to follow up with " but that's in

a one-on-one situation...it's not the real world " .

Smart lady.

:-D

penny