Re: - Men underfoot- Theresa

[Guest guest]

Hi Theresa,

Sending you a gentle hug and an empathetic ear. I so know where you

are coming from. I don't want to ever hurt another listee by doing

the psychoanalysis thing or advising. But I can listen. And I've been

in your shoes, and some days I think I've stolen your shoes, lol.

As far as putting the daughter first, I really think it's best to put

yourself first. If what you want is your daughter back home and what

you want is family interaction, you aren't getting it.

My DH either watches TV, sleeps, or plays video games. And he doesn't

do it in the bedroom. He lays on the sofa 24/7. Between weeks of the

flu and then him taking vacation, he's been home all but about 5 days

in the last 6 weeks. Talk about maddening. Mine doesn't like any

noise/distractions, so I've not been able to vaccuum for 6 weeks. Of

course, I had that bad flu during that time and didn't do much for

about 2 1/2 weeks of it myself. Also, my DH hates anything that

smells, good, bad, whatever. If the cat goes into the litterbox,

you'd think it's the end of the world. I am called from wherever,

whatever, and he complains about the stink til I clean it. I cannot

use any cleaning products that have an odor, ammonia, pine, whatever,

because it makes him sick to smell it. (yeah, right!) He feels if he

is home that everything should be done and I should be waiting on him

hand and foot and not be doing chores. I'm supposed to have

my 'womans' work done, and if it's not done, I must have not been

doing 'my job' while he was at work. Yeah, right.

Now I've gotten stronger, and just tune him out or throw his crapola

right back up in his face. Like yesterday he said to me that I should

go out and dry the water off the cars so they didn't spot after the

rain. I was laying down. I looked up at him and said 'Oh really', and

turned over and closed my eyes. I think he got the message that he's

micro-managing and I don't approve of it and am not going to be

controlled. I mean, just because he's an engineer...well hello, I'm

an accountant. We won't get anything done if we both feel menial

labor, housework, dishes, laundry, is beneath us. He cannot do

anything alone, must have me 'help him' with anything relating to

organizing or putting away 'his stuff'. Now that I'm wise to the

laziness, I just tell him I have my own work to do and he's on his

own. Or, I'll tell him I'll bargain, one assisted chore for another I

need. He hates it but he's learning that he's not going to get nuttin

from me when he acts like the arse he's chosen to be. I blame a lot

of it on him being from a small family, only boy, old-world matriarch

mama who spoiled him and manipulated him. He has difficulty giving

and taking in a healthy adult relationship, as he thinks he's always

being manipulated. Duh, who's the manipulating one here?!

Anyhow, I think our relationship is improving as I get stronger and

stand my ground when he starts his chit. I refuse to swear, and I

refuse to yell. When he makes nasty comments about any of my

children, I simply state that he has his choices to see or not see or

speak to his relatives. But he has no right to insist I not have

relationships with whomever I choose in my family. Geez, what a

spoiled rotton man he is.

There, I've really vented! lololol

girlsaylor

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> Yesterday was awful! " M " gets mad if I am on the computer. He gets

mad if I watch " stupid " Lifetime movies. So I decided to spend my

day, my last one on vacation, reading a book. He kept walking through

the living room where I was reading, then after about 4 times doing

this, he said " Is that all you're going to do today? I slammed the

book down and went to my daughters' home. I was gone for 6 hours. I

went home last night around 7:00 and he called me a bitch. Then he

told he me doesnt get any attention from me. I have been home my

entire vacation,11 days. He likes to sit in the bedroom watching tv

and I refuse to live in the bedroom. He wont spend any time in the

living room where, I had thought was why they call it a living room.

I thought it was where people live. LOL Silly me! Anyway we got

talking or " yelling " and I told him I wanted to move and he wanted to

know why. I said that my 16 yr old dd wont even live with me because

she doesnt like being so far from her

> friends. She is staying with my other dd in town most of the time.

I told him that she is my responsibility and I want to be her mom but

its hard to when she isnt here with me. He blew up and said it was

her way of manipulating me and she justs wants her own way. I told

him she comes first until she is an adult. He said hes tired of being

last in my life. I cant wait until he is recovered from his surgery

so I can move. He will be recovered enough around the time my tax

refund is here so that should work out fine. I just hope I can make

it that long. One question.. am I wrong to put my daughter first? He

sure makes it seem like I am a hateful person for doing just that.

Theresa in Tn

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> Happy moments, praise God.

> Difficult moments, seek God.

> Quiet moments, worship God.

> Painful moments, trust God.

> Every moment, thank God

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