Re: Long but I would be very grateful for you to read it

[Guest guest]

Hi Pete. I wanted you to know that I read this. I also read your post

about your father. I've been keeping a low profile here lately,

I'm just more interested in reading than writing, and that's one

reason I didn't respond.

Another reason I didn't respond is because, over the summer, you and

I

got to arguing with each other. I suspect that things in my off-line

life were influencing the way I dealt with you, and that's unfair of

me.

I'm sorry about the difficult times you are facing now. I think

you're

intelligent and a very decent guy. Best of luck to you, Pete.

judith

> Hello All

>

> This is a sort of online confession.

(snipped body of message)

>

> Thanks for reading this.

>

> Pete

[Guest guest]

HI Judith

Thankyou for this kind reply, esecially as you are not writing much

at the moment. I have been meaning to reply to your last private post

to me for some time now. A sad aspect of our argument was that just

before it started I commended you on your courage in faccing the

difficulties in your life. I hope they have improved as much as

possible. I wonder if you are very hard on yourself, which, seeing

something of yourself in me, might make you have ben apparently harsh

to me through fear that you might join me in my apparent self pity and

grudge against the world. We are both try to be as good ppl as we can

I am sure.

Best and thanks again,

P.

> > Hello All

> >

> > This is a sort of online confession.

>

> (snipped body of message)

> >

> > Thanks for reading this.

> >

> > Pete

[Guest guest]

> I had a response going trashed it started again trashed it started

again then decided to just leave off which in retrospect I probably

should have worked off the " anything is better than no response "

concept.

Thankyou for the effort , I ought to have known thay really ppl

did wish to bew helpful.

>

> And you were right that not knowing, I'm sure, puts you in a fairly

>shitty position. I would imagine that the direction you turn will be

>motivated by what you perceive to be the best way to go for you. I

>wouldn't want to be in your shoes with that one though.

At least it means I can talk about it without slandering a possibly

innocent man, which I am glad about. I used to be in complete agony

over my uncertainty, but thats pretty well gone now, becasuse I'm

pretty well certian it did happen - but it still strikes me as

incredible as it might to anybody else.

>

> Well I kinda sorta like you alot but you can get over that pretty

>quickly Mr Pete cause I ain't having no kodak moments on my time.

Well, one thing I always like about Americans was their sense of

humor, which I try to emulate when I can.

> To be honest you pissed me off " royally " (if Americans can say that)

Only if you pay your axes and dont chuck tea in the river.

>with some of the comments you made . I just figured that was a

cultural bias on your part >and frankly as one of my friends is fond

of saying : " we do have our >ways, don't we? "

Believe you me, I railed against the political correctness which I

experience over here and most ppl with my views are condemned or

laughed at just as much here as they would be in America, except for

criticising America of course - thats very PC over here.

I realize I must have been pretty over the top about some of that, but

I do think i do have a valid point. I'm not wild abt ppl publishing

books called " The White Male Addictive System " and ppl describing

white men as " devils " created by a mad scientist and these views not

only going unchallenged but actively supported as liberating to their

adherents. But we dont want to start all that up again do we?

>

> I was taught to dislike black folks but that's quickly done away

>with when you live with them for years at a time and then join the

>military. Sometimes it just takes time to hammer away the

>preconceptions.

Forgive me if I said this last time (I hope this doesnt send us round

the whole dreary cycle again)! :

I was taught that too, and Jews to some extent as well. Now Ive had

Jewish, Nigerian, and Bengali roomies and been friends with all of

them; I even shared the " American " birthday of July 4 with the

Nigerian, who once said I was like a brother to him and asked me to be

his best man, and I would have been if he hadnt had to cancel the

wedding - and I might still be next year. They are all good ppl, with

their virtues and their vices like ppl everywhere ( I wasnt wild abt

finding the Nigerian one in my room using my VCR to jack off to one of

my private video collections he had hunted through my things for)! The

situation is always more complex that the trite analysis it is usually

given . My former Nigerian roomie often only sees " eye to eye " in the

intimidatory sense with many of the West Indians he meets in London.

He says that if he works in an office where there is already a black

guy he gets an intimidatory " Im the black guy in this office " type

response from them. His fiancee is Jamaican, and a black nun said to

him " Stay away from Jamaicans - theyre evil " . I knew one white girl

who grew up in Africa and loved the country; she wore an Africa

medallion around her neck. She said that she was the only white kid

in her community and she loved the black kids and wished she were

black to be like them. She told me this after asking me if I knew any

driving schools where she wouldnt have a black instructor as she didnt

want one. " Theyre different over here somehow " she said.

So, the issues are very, very complex, but this complexity is never

usually acknowledged or talked about, and it bugs me. In reality

everybody has a prejudice about something or other, the ones who deny

it among the most. Why, for example, does a text about racial issues

I have seen capitalize " Black " but not " white " ?, as well of course of

the anthropologically totally unjustified lumping of western Asians in

with Africans as black, which I have referred to before. Its this kind

of subtlety that is actually behind a great deal of unspoken

prejudice, and all that the anti-racist movement does is substitute

one set with another set. Of course, my rants merely have the effect

of making ppl more unsympathetic to what I say. I think Ive got so

used to being misunderstood and rejected by ppl I actively seek it,

which isnt a very sensible thing to do, is it?

Anyway, if this has pissed you or anybody else of again, I promise to

let them have the last word on it if they want to!

P.

[Guest guest]

Well, then, do finish the book if you think it will help. I did read

it, several years ago. I was amazed at how accurately they could

analyze Hitler with so few facts, compared to the more voluminous

information that was revealed about Hitler after the war.

<snip>

> > All this stuff has obviously vividly brought to mind how unhappy

you

> > were in the past, and in such circumstances I myself tend to just

> > wait it out. (Think I might postpone reading that book, too.)

Hope

> > it eases up for you soon.

>

> Brought it back to life in my dreams in fact. It will ease up when

I

> finish this book (and stop phoning my brother). You are so

> well-informed abt Hitler I thought you must have read it already.

It

> covers how his Iron Cross has no army record and how in the chaos

at

> the end of WWI bribery and corruption meant they got handed out to

> lots of ppl who never deserved one in any case. It does say that he

> was thought very brave in his role as a runner but also says that

he

> was never really wounded by mustard gas but simply had hysterical

> blindness and muteness. Thousands of soldiers had reactions like

this

> of course, (even ones initially not as neurotic as Hitler) and it

even

> says that physician that treated him used to quote his case as

> textbook hysteria in medical lectures for years after the war ended!

>

> I fell asleep shortly after reading that and promptly had a grisly

> nightmare abt which all I can remember was that I was Hitler in

some

> fashion and when I woke up I couldnt see! It only lasted a few

seconds

> and I could have dreamt the apparrent wakening, ( I went back to

sleep

> immediately) but I think it actually happened and it was a hell of

a

> shock. A few minutes later the phone rang and I answered it still

> half asleep (but at least sighted), and the old friend on the line

> didnt recognize my voice. After a few seconds he said " That's

> better. You sounded like a child. " !

>

> Thats the first time anyone ever said anything like that. But

heck,

> why should I complain? I'd pay a fortune for Age Regression therapy

in

> California!

>

> P.