Re: Pain, sucide and some information I found that helped my aunt in her last days

[Guest guest]

,

I'm glad you were able to help your aunt even if it was just at the very end.

I'm sure she appreciated the fact you cared enough about her to report the abuse

and make her last days more pleasant. When my grandmother was in her last few

weeks before death, her younger daughter came and stayed at my mothers to see my

grandmother. She was to care for my grandmother for the couple of days she was

there so I could have a break. I was working full time and had children living

at home as well as doing most of the phyical care for my grandmother. She did

not care for my grandmother as I did even though she cares for the elderly at

home. After the couple days I had off I came back to do her care and was fit to

be tied because my grandmother had bedsores and her skin was red from not having

lotion applied. I could go on.Oviously I haven't forgiven her. My grandmother

was the kind of person who got along with everyone and was very easy to please.

I guess it shows that those who are suppose to love and care about us don't

always. We all new my mother was not good at nursing care but she was the

organizer who arranged everything and coordinated with everything and everyone.

She would make foods and sit with my grandmother and help her eat when I wasn't

there. She would write the letters for my grandmother etc. I have always been

the one who cared for people first babysitting and support for friends. Later

having children teaching preschool and later working with those with

developmental disbilities. I guess It is easy for me to put myself in your

shoes. You were an angel for your dear aunt.

JudyMer

---- wrote:

> I haven't posted much since before Christmas --- we left PA the

> Thursday before Christmas and arrived home on Monday. By Wednesday I

> was in horrible pain --- sinus infection and the cavities in my face

> were so full of gunk that I could not get comfortable. Called doc,

> her assistant said to drink lots of water, get a decongestant (how

> could I forget either of those, --- simple, I had not had that

> serious a bout in a number of years!). So, add that to all over body

> pains -- could have been fibro but on the other hand it may have been

> from the infection/virus.

> To JOhn and Grount, having made 2 sucide attempts, one of which I

> described here sometime ago meant I got to have my stomach pumped to

> get rid of nearly 80 Elavil tablets (apparently, as I said before,

> you are suppose to remember them sticking that tube down you throat,

> but I HAVE NO SUCH MEMORY). The first time I had down some valium,

> certainly not as many as the Elavil, but that did put me in a large

> metropolitan hospital. But, after that second time in a small rural

> community that had been economically depressed for 10 years at least

> by the early 1990's, I was not treated very well for several days.

> Nurses and some others on staff seemed to think I was just another

> person who had faked that attempt; took awhile before they realized

> that I was not one of their usual patients and was not there to be

> declared disabled, believe me I have no intention of going back in

> the hospital and spend time on a psych ward (unless it were to be as

> pleasant as that metropolian hospital in the midwest -- yes, it was

> hard but they really worked hard to teach patients was to cope.)

> So, I would suggest that no one try that way to escape the pain of

> the fibro! There are things that can be worse --- i.e., treatment of

> staff who don't think you are sick but trying to disability. And

> believe me, I got very angry when I listened to several people,

> mostly very young, who, when talking about why they could NOT work

> said " I can't get up to go to work!! " My response to that remark was

> that many people don't want to get up and go to work, but usually it

> is a necessity!! And it also can build self esteem.

> Now on a different subject entirely! Perhaps I should have split

> this but with the subject of this email, perhaps it will catch some

> attention. I want to share this with everyone who is a member of

> this group and ask that they share it with others. My aunt was

> diagnosed with breast cancer back in March of last year and each time

> I saw her or talked to her, she seemed to be getting worse and

> worse. In late October/early November we were visiting in Illinois

> and I got even madder about the interaction between she and her

> husband. The youngest aunt, who lives next door did not warn me

> about what we would find and had left before we could stop back at

> her house. I talked to my sister the nurse who said, oh perhaps it

> was your demeanor! Well, I knew that was not true because I had been

> listening to his nasty remarks on almost every visit I paid to them

> over the past 3 years or so. And if I called, and he answered, he

> would say some nasty remark about her --- and she heard all of them.

> Well, when we got home from that trip in November, I searched the web

> for the site for elder abuse, whatever I could find and reported what

> I had seen. Not knowing what my aunt's schedule might be like, I

> could not tell the woman when she might be home and I do know the

> first time she went, my youngest aunt and the other aunt's daughter

> was there and gave the woman some info. She did see my aunt that

> week, spoke to her in private and also spoke to my uncle.

> Unfortunately, between that visit and the week prior to my aunt's

> death, for whatever reason, the social worker did not see her again

> until I called her and said my aunt was in the hospital. At that

> point, the decision was made that should my aunt recover enough to

> leave the hospital, she WOULD NOT BE GOING home so that my uncle

> could revert to inflect anymore abuse --- which included withholding

> her pain meds. And he was overheard by the doctor telling someone in

> the hospital what he was giving her and what he wasn't giving her.

> Whether he had misunderstood or not, the doctor was furious and

> said " I TOLD YOU TO GIVE HER XYZ (WHICH I THINK WAS THE PAIN MED) and

> not to give her the other medicine. "

> I just want all of you to know that if you even think someone is

> experiencing any form of abuse at the hands of another person, FIND

> THE CORRECT AGENCY TO REPORT THE SITUATION TO!!! What I learned

> while we were home over the Christmas holiday, was that neither my

> cousins nor my youngest aunt knew that they could make the call to an

> area agency and any information they gave would be confidential and

> the social worker, investigator really couldn't reveal to me much to

> me about her visits, but I do know that my aunt's last days on earth

> were much more peaceful. And I also know that my SOB of an uncle is

> turning his children, and my aunt's extended family against him with

> his continuing nasty behavior.

> SO PLEASE, IF YOU THINK SOMEONE IS IN HARM'S WAY, FIND THE RIGHT

> STATE, COUNTY, ETC. AGENCY that can step in. And don't wait too long

> to do so!!

> Thank you all for reading this. I also want to say that I did call

> the investigator earlier today to tell her how much I appreciate her

> intervention on behave of my aunt. Of course, with the death of my

> aunt, I don't think there could be any follow up so she appreciated

> my phone call.

>

>