Re: PTSD... maybe I DO have it

[Guest guest]

>

> I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have

that. But again, maybe I do.

Debra, I think I shared with you personally about the sexual abuse I

experienced via a neighbor of my grandparents sometime after the age

of 8 or 9 --- I could no longer tell anyone just how old I was when

it happened, perhaps my sister or cousin would remember better as

they somehow escaped the level I did. But on the other hand, no

matter what the age, it does NOT change the fact that it occurred.

My mother was aware of a change in me but she believed that was

triggered by the fact that my paternal grandfather lived with us for

at least a year or 2 and we seldom had a pleasant family meal during

the time he was a member of the household --- he and my father argued

constantly at meals, which was not pleasant but I know upon

reflection, that those arguments were NOT the largest or even much of

the changes in me that my mother saw. I find it interesting that I

once, many years ago, told my present husband about that abuse and at

that time, he shrugged it off as something that should have no impact

on me as a young woman. But in the late 1960's or early 1970's, many

if not most people, did not or would not believe the impact such acts

could have on a child. Today, that same man becomes very angry when

he hears of such acts and has acknowledged that it did have a large

impact on me. But perhaps I should also mention that he himself

suffered/suffers from PTSD from the months he spent in Vietnam, which

he would not ever acknowledge as a form of any kind of stress! I

could be wrong about why he seems to believe that but, I think much

of it is because, to him, serving his country was what one did and

his family/ancestors had fought in many wars if not all of the wars

that have been fought from the beginning of the settlement of the US.

One thing that I find interesting when I read the posts of many

people in this groups is how many of us have suffered some form of

abuse at some period or periods of our lives --- but then that also

gives me another insight as I write that --- we have concealed the

abuse and in concealing the abuse from others, we have, unknowingly,

caused pain that we cannot or could not understand. I am reminded

that when I talk about certain subjects, I automatically put my right

hand over the area I think of as my heart --- and that is the area

where what I now know I first began experiencing what has now been

diagnosed as Fibro. But also that abuse and other events, such as

the fact that I saw, at the age of 11 months, my older brother killed

violently by a drunk driver, were occurances that I could not

verbalize and because of the inability to express, were suppressed

physically and mentally!

And in relation to the sexual abuse, I also have had some feelings of

guilt in recent years as I wonder if any of my younger female

cousins, who lived close to the man who abused me, may have done the

same to any of those three (more guilt, more stress!)

I do know that I have finally verbalized some of what happen to me to

others, including my niece when I called her last summer and asked

her if she knew how many registered sex offenders lived close to

her. I was startled at her response as it was a very dismissive on

which alarmed me as she has three daughters of her own. Before

ending the conversation, I said " Perhaps I am more concerned about

that because of the sexual abuse I experienced as a child! " And I

also said something to a former classmate when she made a remark that

she " knew it could not be true about several of her neighbors who are

on the list in our home town! " I said pretty much the same thing to

her as I did to my niece!

So, now that I am on my soapbox again, perhaps one thing that might

be helpful is if adults who do realize they experienced abuse spoke

out more, others would not be so dismissive or believe " they couldn't

do that! "

Debra and Marti, I just want you to know that I am here and do care

as I know you share the same pain that I had buried for so long.

[Guest guest]

Deb

If you dont have PTSD after all that I don't know who would.

You don't have to make a psychological link you only need to know that those

kind of experiences

change your alpha waves. Once changed FM arrives.

HUGS Darl

Bonnie

PTSD... maybe I DO have it

I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have that. But

again, maybe I do.

I have had some very traumatic life events that just seemed to be back to

back. Extreme emotional pain and major depression from broken relationships

mostly. But also I guess I have shared with some of the old timers to the site,

I was molested from the age of about 4 or 5 to the age of 7 or so the best I can

remember..

The molestation may have had a much deeper impact on my subconscious than I

ever realized. It is all so cloudy... partly because I was so young,,, and

partly could be a mental block of the details. I don't think I realized it was

traumatic at the time when I was at such a young age.

Also I don't think I ever shared much of this here. But I had a baby at the

age of 17 ... I adopted him out. I never saw him. The minute he was born they

took him away before I could see him. (I think that may have been best though).

I never regretted the decision I made, but then again I believe I have separated

myself completely from that experience. It has never seemed real to me though I

know it was.

So, I suppose putting all that with the fact that I grew up with a mother who

drank almost everyday during my early childhood though we were dirt poor.... and

her extreme negativity about life.... Maybe I do have some PTSD.

Just some thoughts.

love and hugs,

Debra V.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Hi Kate, I always knew that these types of things did actually change who you

are, but I didn't know the actual connection to alpha waves. I would like to

read anything you have on alpha waves, abuse and FM if you know a link or a

book. thanks a lot,

Marti

Kate Court wrote:

Deb

If you dont have PTSD after all that I don't know who would.

You don't have to make a psychological link you only need to know that those

kind of experiences

change your alpha waves. Once changed FM arrives.

HUGS Darl

Bonnie

PTSD... maybe I DO have it

I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have that. But again,

maybe I do.

I have had some very traumatic life events that just seemed to be back to back.

Extreme emotional pain and major depression from broken relationships mostly.

But also I guess I have shared with some of the old timers to the site, I was

molested from the age of about 4 or 5 to the age of 7 or so the best I can

remember..

The molestation may have had a much deeper impact on my subconscious than I ever

realized. It is all so cloudy... partly because I was so young,,, and partly

could be a mental block of the details. I don't think I realized it was

traumatic at the time when I was at such a young age.

Also I don't think I ever shared much of this here. But I had a baby at the age

of 17 ... I adopted him out. I never saw him. The minute he was born they took

him away before I could see him. (I think that may have been best though). I

never regretted the decision I made, but then again I believe I have separated

myself completely from that experience. It has never seemed real to me though I

know it was.

So, I suppose putting all that with the fact that I grew up with a mother who

drank almost everyday during my early childhood though we were dirt poor.... and

her extreme negativity about life.... Maybe I do have some PTSD.

Just some thoughts.

love and hugs,

Debra V.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Thank you Bonnie,

Marti

Kate Court wrote:

http://www.fibromyalgiachat.com/

PTSD... maybe I DO have it

I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have that. But again,

maybe I do.

I have had some very traumatic life events that just seemed to be back to back.

Extreme emotional pain and major depression from broken relationships mostly.

But also I guess I have shared with some of the old timers to the site, I was

molested from the age of about 4 or 5 to the age of 7 or so the best I can

remember..

The molestation may have had a much deeper impact on my subconscious than I ever

realized. It is all so cloudy... partly because I was so young,,, and partly

could be a mental block of the details. I don't think I realized it was

traumatic at the time when I was at such a young age.

Also I don't think I ever shared much of this here. But I had a baby at the age

of 17 ... I adopted him out. I never saw him. The minute he was born they took

him away before I could see him. (I think that may have been best though). I

never regretted the decision I made, but then again I believe I have separated

myself completely from that experience. It has never seemed real to me though I

know it was.

So, I suppose putting all that with the fact that I grew up with a mother who

drank almost everyday during my early childhood though we were dirt poor.... and

her extreme negativity about life.... Maybe I do have some PTSD.

Just some thoughts.

love and hugs,

Debra V.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

>

> I was reading the posts here about PTSD. I don't think I have

that. But again, maybe I do.

> I have had some very traumatic life events that just seemed to be

back to back. Extreme emotional pain and major depression from

broken relationships mostly. But also I guess I have shared with

some of the old timers to the site, I was molested from the age of

about 4 or 5 to the age of 7 or so the best I can remember.

> The molestation may have had a much deeper impact on my

subconscious than I ever realized. It is all so cloudy... partly

because I was so young,,, and partly could be a mental block of the

details. I don't think I realized it was traumatic at the time when

I was at such a young age.

> Also I don't think I ever shared much of this here. But I had a

baby at the age of 17 ... I adopted him out. I never saw him. The

minute he was born they took him away before I could see him. (I

think that may have been best though). I never regretted the

decision I made, but then again I believe I have separated myself

completely from that experience. It has never seemed real to me

though I know it was.

> So, I suppose putting all that with the fact that I grew up with

a mother who drank almost everyday during my early childhood though

we were dirt poor.... and her extreme negativity about life.... Maybe

I do have some PTSD.

> Just some thoughts.

> love and hugs,

> Debra V.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

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