Re: Losses with fibro..... haven't talked to my sister

[Guest guest]

>

> I know I have written here before about this. But the posts

brought to mind that I have not heard from my sister in over 4

months.

Debra, I had to learn the hard way that I cannot have contact with

one of my sisters. Last time we were in the same place, I tried to

give her two items I thought she might be interested in but both

times, she said " I'm too busy now! " This was at a birthday party for

one of her granddaughters so all of my niece's family were there and

as I was one of the last ones to leave that afternoon, I said

something to my niece and found her response interesting --- " Well,

at least she wasn't yelling! " I think that must be something that

does happen at some gatherings.

So, it's going to be hard when we move in June, I think the girls

will have to have special dinners/parties at our house that have

nothing to do with the rest of the family. Since she can trigger a

bad fibro attack in me faster than any one other than my father used

to be able to do!

And I have also learned in the past 6 months that I have a completely

different view of life than my other sister, so I am not confiding

very much to her anymore.

One always hopes as adults, the childhood scabbles will disappear,

but I have found they can become worse, if that's possible.

[Guest guest]

This is amazing! I can't believe the sister tales here. I have two sisters

I feel disconnected from. They are both very high-end people. Big houses,

perfect children, lots of money and big noses to look down on me. I thought

I was the only one that had family like this-thought somehow I just wasn't

" right " for the family I was born into. Thank you all for sharing. By the way

my mother. may she rest in peace, was like them not like me -

surprise-surprise!

Gentle hugs,

Marla

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[Guest guest]

Been there, done that. I spent several years barely speaking with my

sister, due to her very judgemental attitude toward me when I

divorced my first husband for emotional and financial abuse. She just

didn't get it either. She couldn't fathom that charming man had a

real nasty side. Took many years of me giving her the cold shoulder

and I finally told her that since she listened to him and his

crapola, she owed her own flesh and blood sister equal time. If she

couldn't listen to what happened to me and refused to look at the

forgeries and other documents proving what he was all about, she

needn't call me a sister. She finally woke up and now we've made our

peace, thankfully. It's sad when family pecking orders and family

relationships carry childhood baggage into adulthood. I have had to

stand my ground and insist on being treated respectfully. If it's not

forthcoming, don't bother me.

girlsaylor

> >

> > I know I have written here before about this. But the posts

> brought to mind that I have not heard from my sister in over 4

> months.

>

>

> Debra, I had to learn the hard way that I cannot have contact with

> one of my sisters. Last time we were in the same place, I tried to

> give her two items I thought she might be interested in but both

> times, she said " I'm too busy now! " This was at a birthday party

for

> one of her granddaughters so all of my niece's family were there

and

> as I was one of the last ones to leave that afternoon, I said

> something to my niece and found her response interesting --- " Well,

> at least she wasn't yelling! " I think that must be something that

> does happen at some gatherings.

> So, it's going to be hard when we move in June, I think the girls

> will have to have special dinners/parties at our house that have

> nothing to do with the rest of the family. Since she can trigger a

> bad fibro attack in me faster than any one other than my father

used

> to be able to do!

> And I have also learned in the past 6 months that I have a

completely

> different view of life than my other sister, so I am not confiding

> very much to her anymore.

> One always hopes as adults, the childhood scabbles will disappear,

> but I have found they can become worse, if that's possible.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have an older sister I don't even know. I know where she lives and

she visits my moms house at least once a year but she left home @ age

16 when I was 12 and we discontiued our relationship. I would see her

from time to time in the following years and all she would ever say

say to me was why don't you get a haircut or something like

that. It was if though she judged everything about me so I lost all

interest in even speaking to her even to this day. Hi how are you is

as far as I ever get w/her. Everything is on the surface,there is no

depth in our relationship and I don't even care to know her now and

that's truelly said. And today my relationship w/my mom doesn't go

beneath the surface. Today she (mom) ask how was Church but not how

was your pain. I took 15mgs. of Hydrocodone before Church and within

an hour I was in severe pain as the result of just sitting. There was

a year that went by that I refused invitations to my moms house

simply because there wasn't a comfortable chair for me to sit in. I

continued to tell her,Mom there is no comfortable place for me in

your house yet she kept on asking me to come to her house as though I

had never told her why I didn't visit very often. Thus the life of a

Fibromite! Dear GOD is there no end to our needless suffering?

> > >

> > > I know I have written here before about this. But the posts

> > brought to mind that I have not heard from my sister in over 4

> > months.

> >

> >

> > Debra, I had to learn the hard way that I cannot have contact

with

> > one of my sisters. Last time we were in the same place, I tried

to

> > give her two items I thought she might be interested in but both

> > times, she said " I'm too busy now! " This was at a birthday party

> for

> > one of her granddaughters so all of my niece's family were there

> and

> > as I was one of the last ones to leave that afternoon, I said

> > something to my niece and found her response interesting ---

" Well,

> > at least she wasn't yelling! " I think that must be something

that

> > does happen at some gatherings.

> > So, it's going to be hard when we move in June, I think the girls

> > will have to have special dinners/parties at our house that have

> > nothing to do with the rest of the family. Since she can trigger

a

> > bad fibro attack in me faster than any one other than my father

> used

> > to be able to do!

> > And I have also learned in the past 6 months that I have a

> completely

> > different view of life than my other sister, so I am not

confiding

> > very much to her anymore.

> > One always hopes as adults, the childhood scabbles will

disappear,

> > but I have found they can become worse, if that's possible.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Debra V I understand not knowing where a sister is. I have a sister her husband

and 2 children that have fallen off the face of the earth (they were into drug

dealing - my B-I-L spent a year in prison for dealing), I have not seen nor

heard from them in over 7 years. I also have a brother who has been missing for

about the same amount of time. I am the oldest and our parents are deceased and

I feel some guilt not knowing where they are. But the other sister and I have

had to go on with our lives and we look when we can. There are 4 of us (3 girl,

1 boy). So I understand not knowing where your sister is and some of the guilt,

but as you said you have to do what you have to do to take care of yourself.

Take care.

Christi Randall

www.singingwomenoftexas.com

Losses with fibro..... haven't talked to my sister

I know I have written here before about this. But the posts brought to mind

that I have not heard from my sister in over 4 months. She got herself in a

hole and expected me to be able to dig her out. #1 she blamed me because I

could not always jump up and run to give her rides everywhere to work or to

apply for jobs after she lost the job she had. She just did not get it. I

work 2pm until 10pm. I CANNOT go out during the day before work or I will be

too exhausted to work at all. WHAT DID SHE NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT FIBRO? She

claimed she understood. I also have to stay home mostly on my days off. If I

don't, I cannot stand up to working.

Also she lost alot of jobs over the years because she has a major drug

problem. She also wanted to move in with us " for a while " this last fall. I

could not let her do it. She tried to put a guilt trip on me because I could

not cart her around everywhere. It is not my fault either she lost her drivers

license because she was probably driving under the influence when she wrecked

her truck.

Whatever. But I have to live knowing that she may be dead. I have resolved

to not let it get the best of me. I refuse to feel guilty over something I had

no control over.

Just venting,

love Debra V.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Not close with my 8yrs younger sis anymore. Her hubby is a drug addict and dmv

abuser. She has a drinking problem and may also be into the drugs. That is not

my lifestyle and I cannot be around it. I feel for my niece and nephew. They are

isolated where they live out in the country and he monitors her phone calls. I

totally understand why you don't talk with your sis Debra.

[Guest guest]

It is a shame how siblings lose each other. Sometimes we just can't do alot

about it though. I love my sister with all my heart, but she was trying to suck

the life out of me.

Sad that your mom is stuck with paying her bill on the credit card.

I dont blame you for worrying about your niece. Hope she is ok.

love,

Debra V.

deebs87 wrote:

My sister is 15 months older than me but often acts much younger. She

used to email me several times a day and the suddenly stopped about a

year ago. Very rarely talk to her on the phone because she always talks

about herself and her problems. She is always in debt. Mom said she

used dad's credit card and ran up a high balance. Now she can't pay for

it so mom is stuck with the bill. My dad now in a nursing home so mom

takes care of everything.

The last I knew she was living in Tucson. My mom said she lost her job

and lives in her car now. That's hard to believe. I don't know how to

get a hold of her now. Worried about my 17 year old niece more than my

sister.

Debbie J

---------------------------------

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