Buried memories, good therapists

[Guest guest]

Had I not gone to see my aunt in the hospital back in early November,

she and my youngest aunt would never have told me some of the things

I learned from them. It started with the youngest one saying " You

never sent us those pictures of Henry! " That caught me off

guard and all I could tell them was that it had to be a case of fibro

fog! But the fact that she had opened the topic, I got to ask

questions --- and especially as the youngest of the two was only 5

years older than him! So I am sure they played with their nephew as

if he were their little brother! And one story they told me also

gives me insight about why so many people in my home town remember

him. Seems this little boy would take his aunts --- perhaps 2 or as

many as 4 --- anyway, they might walk into a store in our home town

and he would introduce his AUNTS as " these are MY children! " I don't

think there are any or many of the people who would have been working

in those stores still alive who could tell me what everyone's

reaction to those announcements, but I can almost see them laughing

either with their hands covering their mouths or, at least mentally!

Or it could have been just the type of thing they expected to come

out of that little boy's mouth.

I did tell my youngest aunt how much I had appreciated just that

story and she was also the one who told me about Mother going to bed

and staying there until she finally realized she had two other

children that needed her. But it also helps me understand why I

spent soooo much time at my grandparents even when I was in high

school. My youngest uncle often would come by and ask if I wanted to

go to Grandma and Grandpa's and so the brown paper bag would come out

and Mother would gather whatever clothes she thought I might need for

a stay. My grandparents house must have been pretty full at times as

not only might I be there, but 3 or 4 of my youngest aunts and my

other aunt and her oldest son would also be there! The two youngest

ones were still in grade school, and because my grandparents lived in

the country, only one of the 4 younger ones seemed to work; but I

think the reason my aunt and her son would be there was because she

had had a baby who was either still born or lived just a short time,

so going to our grandparents was a place to be mothered by Grandma!

But when I said something weeks after that visit in the hospital

about hearing or learning so little about my brother, she said " They

didn't tell you anything? I thought " they " (and I presume she meant

my parents) would have talked to you about him! " I guess few people

realized how taboo it was to mention my brother. I know that people

would give my mother, sister and I rides to and from town as people

in town were very much aware of the fact that I would get hysterical

about getting on the bus --- we had no school buses in 1947, so the

bus my brother rode was a public bus that covered most of the towns

in our county.

But now I have to pick my aunt's memory some more --- and that may be

painful to her. I do remember after her youngest daughter died that

Mother told me she asked Mother how she had " coped " and Mother told

me her response was that she had two children to take care of. Well,

I know now it was not that easy for my mother, either!

Now, to Tigger -- I do have a good therapist here, and I hope to find

one when we move back to Illinois this summer. I know that for the

rest of my life, I am going to need to see someone. And I know that

I will have a good shrink when we make the move --- I may even start

seeing Terry in April instead of waiting until June or July. He is

so good that I learned to call his office to see if he how late he

was running --- if he had a patient come in in crisis, he gave that

patient as much time as was necessary -- and I know that from

personal experience -- he spent two hours with me the first time I

saw him!!!

Ok, time for me to do something besides spill my guts here!

I do want to thank all of you for your support as I share and even

learn more as I write --- that's what has really helped me in the

past, writing in a stream of conciousness.