OT: Future Novelists (a funny)

[Guest guest]

Future Novelists... These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high

school essays

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides

gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like

underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went

blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a

pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of

looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before

he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of

his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly

surcharge free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling

ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with

vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal

quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on

at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots when you fry

them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy

field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland

at

6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed

of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that

resemble Kerrigan's teeth.

and had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also

never met.

She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH

cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper

fax machine that needed a band tightening.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the east

river.

Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one

that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this

plan just might work.

Young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a

while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a

really duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or

something.

The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind

her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she

were a garbage truck backing up.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the

wall.

[Guest guest]

ROFLMAO!

>>>>>>>>>

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the

wall.

<<<<<<<<

This certainly does describe a good number of my days, though...

LOL

Penny