Re: looking for advice

[Guest guest]

You can get a divorce in Nevada in 1 day.

You should go to the welfare office. I think they'll give you food stamps and

maybe money right away. They WILL help you while you are waiting on disability.

I didn't get from your email which one of you is leaving; but I'd assume it is

him. If he's cleaned out the bank account then you have a right to go after him

for the money; but it will take a while to win.

I understand how you feel, scared and alone and no income. No one to depend on.

That's me. Plus I have kids to support. It's not easy. But somehow you find

ways to get by. I've been doing that somehow miraculously for 5 months now. If

someone had told me I'd get by with nothing for 5 months I never would have

believed them. But we have.

Talk to me anytime if you need ideas or support.

Angie Harley Mama Double-D

Carson City, NV; Single, five children (3 at home), 2 dogs, 5 cats, snow skiing,

camping, Harley Rider, Lone Wolf, Blue Thong Society/High Sierra Thong Snappers

member, LFA Advocate, independent, opinionated, outspoken, and open minded.

" It's always something. " ~~~Gilda Radner

" While we have the gift of life, it seems to me theonly tragedy is to allow part

of us to die - whether it is our spirit,our creativity or our glorious

uniqueness. " ~~~Gilda Radner

http://360.yahoo.com/lovinglifeinnv

http://www.myspace.com/amkg

http://doripost.agrato.info/

http://www.xanga.com/PurplePassionate

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592316375

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/LupusSurvivorsU/

looking for advice

My husband has desisded he does not want to be with a sick person

anymore. he has seen me fighting this,go thru a few surgeries and he

now said he is leaving. i have no one no income waiting the endless

wait on disability. i can not even pack my things . he says he is just

wanting to go out and do thing , i have for years begged lets do

something i need to get out of here he always had the excuse that he

did not feel like it or to tire. i am so hurt lost and lonely i do not

know what to do or where to turn for help the lawyer says the wait is

at least another year. any advice it is getting he so down and needless

to say what all this stress is adding to me. for the last month he is

not coming home till very late at nite if then taking all the money

out of the bank -but he has said i promise you will have insurance and

half my paycheck when i leave. i am in shock and hurting so bad. is

there anywhere i can turn to for so money to get by. i can't even eat

from the stress for weeks now without getting very sick. Please help

me.

Darlyn

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[Guest guest]

>

> You can get a divorce in Nevada in 1 day.

>

> You should go to the welfare office. I think they'll give you food

stamps and maybe money right away. They WILL help you while you are

waiting on disability. I didn't get from your email which one of you

is leaving; but I'd assume it is him. If he's cleaned out the bank

account then you have a right to go after him for the money; but it

will take a while to win.

>

> I understand how you feel, scared and alone and no income. No one

to depend on. That's me. Plus I have kids to support. It's not

easy. But somehow you find ways to get by. I've been doing that

somehow miraculously for 5 months now. If someone had told me I'd

get by with nothing for 5 months I never would have believed them.

But we have.

>

> Talk to me anytime if you need ideas or support.

>

> Angie Harley Mama Double-D

> Carson City, NV; Single, five children (3 at home), 2 dogs, 5 cats,

snow skiing, camping, Harley Rider, Lone Wolf, Blue Thong

Society/High Sierra Thong Snappers member, LFA Advocate, independent,

opinionated, outspoken, and open minded.

>

> " It's always something. " ~~~Gilda Radner

>

> " While we have the gift of life, it seems to me theonly tragedy is

to allow part of us to die - whether it is our spirit,our creativity

or our glorious uniqueness. " ~~~Gilda Radner

>

> http://360.yahoo.com/lovinglifeinnv

> http://www.myspace.com/amkg

> http://doripost.agrato.info/

> http://www.xanga.com/PurplePassionate

> http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592316375

> http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/LupusSurvivorsU/

>

>

>

> looking for advice

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> My husband has desisded he does not want to be with a

sick person

>

> anymore. he has seen me fighting this,go thru a few surgeries and

he

>

> now said he is leaving. i have no one no income waiting the

endless

>

> wait on disability. i can not even pack my things . he says he is

just

>

> wanting to go out and do thing , i have for years begged lets do

>

> something i need to get out of here he always had the excuse that

he

>

> did not feel like it or to tire. i am so hurt lost and lonely i do

not

>

> know what to do or where to turn for help the lawyer says the wait

is

>

> at least another year. any advice it is getting he so down and

needless

>

> to say what all this stress is adding to me. for the last month

he is

>

> not coming home till very late at nite if then taking all the

money

>

> out of the bank -but he has said i promise you will have insurance

and

>

> half my paycheck when i leave. i am in shock and hurting so bad.

is

>

> there anywhere i can turn to for so money to get by. i can't even

eat

>

> from the stress for weeks now without getting very sick. Please

help

>

> me.

>

> Darlyn

>

>

>

> Sorry To Hear....God Bless

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

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>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry I don't have any advice, but I think Angie gave you some really good

suggestions. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Jeanne in WI

> My husband has desisded he does not want to be with a sick person anymore.

> he has seen me fighting this,go thru a few surgeries and he now said he is

> leaving. i have no one no income waiting the endless wait on disability.

> i can not even pack my things . he says he is just wanting to go out and

> do thing , i have for years begged lets do

something i need to get out of here he always had the excuse that he did

not feel like it or to tire. i am so hurt lost and lonely i do not know

what to do or where to turn for help the lawyer says the wait is at least

another year. any advice it is getting he so down and needless to say what

all this stress is adding to me. for the last month he is not coming home

till very late at nite if then taking all the money out of the bank -but

he has said i promise you will have insurance and half my paycheck when i

leave. i am in shock and hurting so bad. is there anywhere i can turn to

for so money to get by. i can't even eat from the stress for weeks now

without getting very sick. Please help me.

> Darlyn

[Guest guest]

Darlyn, I am so sorry to hear of all this stress. The ending of a relationship

is hard in the first place without having to worry about getting by financially.

What an A$$hole he is. It seems that now days marriages are like disposable

razors. Definately apply for food stamps or any other help available. It won't

hurt to try.

Now, if you get past the financial part, you can start to heal emotionally.

In the long run, you will be better off without him. It will take a while of

course because that kind of pain does not go away overnight. But, the future

will be better once you get past all this. That is all we need is someone in

our lives to treat us like shit when we are already sick.

My heart is with you,

hugs,

Debra V.

Jeanne and Dave wrote:

Sorry I don't have any advice, but I think Angie gave you some really

good

suggestions. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Jeanne in WI

> My husband has desisded he does not want to be with a sick person anymore.

> he has seen me fighting this,go thru a few surgeries and he now said he is

> leaving. i have no one no income waiting the endless wait on disability.

> i can not even pack my things . he says he is just wanting to go out and

> do thing , i have for years begged lets do

something i need to get out of here he always had the excuse that he did

not feel like it or to tire. i am so hurt lost and lonely i do not know

what to do or where to turn for help the lawyer says the wait is at least

another year. any advice it is getting he so down and needless to say what

all this stress is adding to me. for the last month he is not coming home

till very late at nite if then taking all the money out of the bank -but

he has said i promise you will have insurance and half my paycheck when i

leave. i am in shock and hurting so bad. is there anywhere i can turn to

for so money to get by. i can't even eat from the stress for weeks now

without getting very sick. Please help me.

> Darlyn

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

> My husband has desisded he does not want to be with a sick person

> anymore. he has seen me fighting this,go thru a few surgeries and he

> now said he is leaving. i have no one no income waiting the endless

> wait on disability. i can not even pack my things .

Darlyn,

I can't advise you; I simply don't know anything about this kind of

situation.

But I question what will happen if you leave, depending on the laws

in your state. Can he then say that you deserted him?

I also can't see you leaving with no income, no job, unable to work,

on some vague promise that he will give you something.

The only advice I can give is to try to find some advice on what to

do. Can you check in the governmental listings in the phone book and

see if there's a department that handles women's issues? Or a

women's group? Legal aid? A hotline? If you know how to do a web

search, look for those resources in your state and county or city.

If nothing else, call a Women's Shelter and see if they know anyone

that you can call.

Like I said, I can't advise you. But my instinct is that if I were

being physically abused, I would go to a women's shelter. If not, my

instinct is that I would not leave my home before I get as much legal

advice as I can, and make sure that by leaving, I am not setting myself.

Please - don't let this paralyze you. Start making phone calls and

looking for help. Maybe someone else on here has some suggestions on

who to call. And please, talk to us. Let us know what you find out,

and how you are doing.

Worried...

Z

[Guest guest]

>

> My husband has decided he does not want to be with a sick person

> anymore. Please help me.

> Darlyn

Dear Darlyn:

I saw someone else told you an attorney would be a good connection

right now. I'm writing to confirm this advice.

An attorney can possibly help you with a temporary, yet immediate

order for spousal maintenance. You may not be able to afford to stay

in your home, so you might want to check to see if there is some sort

of transitional housing available in your community. A shelter

program may help you find that information if you can't find it in

your phone book. If you find that you need to move, I know in our

community there are church groups that have taken on this task for a

number of people that I work with. They volunteer to come over and

help those who need to move and can't physically do it themselves.

Again, the shelter program may have some ideas about this, but the

Salvation Army might be another resource. I also remind women that if

you belong to a church, your church family is often available to help

if they are asked.

You know, sometimes this can turn into a blessing. We all know that

stress makes our symptoms worse. Once the initial trauma of having

this dumped on you passes, and you regroup and find your own place,

and can have your own time schedule for things...you may be surprised

at how much better you feel without the stress of an unhappy spouse

around. Remember that we can't change another person's actions. We

can only change how we allow that to make us feel.

My prayers are with you for strength, and hope, and the energy to get

through this. Please let me know if you need to talk.

Vicki

MN

[Guest guest]

Aww hon I'm soooo sorry! Sending gentle hugs and prayers for you!!!!

casesigncreations wrote:

> My husband has desisded he does not want to be with a sick person

> anymore. he has seen me fighting this,go thru a few surgeries and he

> now said he is leaving. i have no one no income waiting the endless

> wait on disability. i can not even pack my things . he says he is just

> wanting to go out and do thing , i have for years begged lets do

> something i need to get out of here he always had the excuse that he

> did not feel like it or to tire. i am so hurt lost and lonely i do not

> know what to do or where to turn for help the lawyer says the wait is

> at least another year. any advice it is getting he so down and needless

> to say what all this stress is adding to me. for the last month he is

> not coming home till very late at nite if then taking all the money

> out of the bank -but he has said i promise you will have insurance and

> half my paycheck when i leave. i am in shock and hurting so bad. is

> there anywhere i can turn to for so money to get by. i can't even eat

> from the stress for weeks now without getting very sick. Please help

> me.

> Darlyn

>

>

>

> 1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as

to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr.

Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to

certain health conditions or just dangerous in general.

>

> 2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls don't

be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying to make that

situation better.

>

> 3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is:

Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-unsubscribe

>

> 4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be feeling bad at the

same time when it comes to flares and b/c of that potentially take something

another member says the wrong way. And that includes the things that one member

may find funny (even if it's laughing at fibro itself) even though we who deal

with illness whether one such as fibro or multiple illnesses try to keep a sense

of humor.

>

> 5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having a bad day pls

let us know so that we can do our best to offer our support.

>

> Have a nice day everyone.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Darlyn,

If I were you I would definately seek the advice of either an

attorney or call a legal help line that takes cases on a sliding

scale. Also, I do not know if where you live is something you are

purchasing or renting but make sure to see who's name is on the

mortgage or lease... if it is in both names he can not make you

leave. I also would get my name off any bills, credit cards etc that

are in both names before he charges a bunch of stuff and sticks you

with the bill. I would also open up a checking account in my name

ONLY and start putting some money away into that if possible. Since

most checkings and savings accounts are listed as " person OR person "

either one can close the account without the others consent,

therefore he can close any checking or savings accounts both of you

have. Also, I would make sure and know who's name all the major bills

are in: car, credit card bills, etc so you will know if they can come

after you if he does not pay them. I would also immediatley call and

start an appliaction for food stamps, welfare, any type of energy

assistance and section 8 housing if it turns out that you do end up

leaving. If you are renting and you suspect he may leave, I would

talk to the landlord and explain what is going on, if both of you

paid for the deposit and first/last month's rent so that he can not

collect that money. Also, if he moves out and leaves you where you

are I would call all the utility companies and tell them he left and

put a password on the accounts so that he can not have the utilities

turned off and collect or transfer the deposit. If you have children

i would make sure and in the divorce proceedings have the child

support collected by the state... they have a lot more resources to

collect child support if he disappears than an individual does. Also,

if you have not filed your federal and/or state income tax yet I

would suggest making sure that is filed as a joint return and get it

in writing that he will split the money with you.. have the refund

check sent to either your address or bank account.

that's about all I can think of for now. I know it is very difficult

to go through a divorce and facing the future being alone. I was in

your same situation 10 years ago. I had been married for 14 years,

two kids and we had a business together and he just up and walked out

leaving me with two kids to raise on only my income. He has only had

to pay $200 a month in child support this entire time. But things

tend to work out somehow. Good luck!

N.

[Guest guest]

>

> Darlyn

>

> He is not leaving you because you have FM he is leaving you because

he wants a different life, one that does not include you, for good

bad or indifferent, no pay cheque or lack of paycheck will keep you

from someone you love. In this instance it's easy (painful) but easy,

he has told the truth he is done and now it is time for you to gather

up what you have and dont have, take stock of your life and start to

build a new one. Of course all of this is SOOO easy to say and SOOO

hard to do, but try to remain positive your future is out there

somewhere waiting for you with a real man who does not care about you

health or whether your cheque arrives tomorrow or next week. Hold on

its going to be a bumpy ride but like it or not, your about to start

it, that;s what we are all here for......

>

> Bonnie

>

>

>

> looking for advice

>

> My husband has desisded he does not want to be with a sick person

> anymore.. he has seen me fighting this,go thru a few surgeries and

he

> now said he is leaving. i have no one no income waiting the

endless

> wait on disability. i can not even pack my things . he says he is

just

> wanting to go out and do thing , i have for years begged lets do

> something i need to get out of here he always had the excuse that

he

> did not feel like it or to tire. i am so hurt lost and lonely i do

not

> know what to do or where to turn for help the lawyer says the wait

is

> at least another year. any advice it is getting he so down and

needless

> to say what all this stress is adding to me. for the last month he

is

> not coming home till very late at nite if then taking all the

money

> out of the bank -but he has said i promise you will have insurance

and

> half my paycheck when i leave. i am in shock and hurting so bad.

is

> there anywhere i can turn to for so money to get by. i can't even

eat

> from the stress for weeks now without getting very sick. Please

help

> me.

> Darlyn

>

>

>

> 1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on

the list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always

check with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along

with other meds as well as to certain health conditions or just

dangerous in general.

>

> 2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is)

pls don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying

to make that situation better.

>

> 3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-

unsubscribe

>

> 4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be feeling

bad at the same time when it comes to flares and b/c of that

potentially take something another member says the wrong way. And

that includes the things that one member may find funny (even if it's

laughing at fibro itself) even though we who deal with illness

whether one such as fibro or multiple illnesses try to keep a sense

of humor.

>

> 5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having a bad

day pls let us know so that we can do our best to offer our support.

>

> Have a nice day everyone.

>

>