Guest guest Posted February 9, 2008 Report Share Posted February 9, 2008 I have been with my husband for almost 24 years (married 22).. I have always been pretty healthy and either underweight or ideal..Over the years I have gained over 100 pounds..Most of it due to the fact that he is verbally abusive and it has always been aimed at my weight (even when I was not fat). ..It got to the point where I would hide when I ate (dangerous thing) and ballooned because of it.. I have had a bad (damaged) back since I was 22 years old.. I worked as a nursing assistant for 10 years and finally had to quit when I was about 27 because it was killing my back...I went on disability which is a crappy amount because I was so young when I had to quit working.. Now I have the FMS and degenerative joint disease and he doesn't understand it..I say he doesn't care enough to understand. If he loved me he would go to appointments and try to understand... He said tonight " we " (huh) need to get you walking and moving, and get you out of the house so you can go do stuff with me..I said I have NO desire to go with you and hang with you and your drunken friends (he is an alcoholic BTW)..I said I am happy with the things I am able to do..Really I am not, but he would twist that so I don't try to make him understand... He blames everything on my weight, so he said " oh so your going to just get bigger then " ..I said, where did you come up with that, I have not gained any weight so shut up! I have actually been at the same weight for about 6 years ..no up, no down...Do I like being fat? Hell no...Who does?! I have talked to my Dr about lap band surgery and he made a referral for me, but I am terrified of doing it..BUT I cannot live like this anymore..I will be 46 next month..I do think losing some weight will help because I have a big rear seat and it pulls on my back..but again I am not telling him that... Oh yes the question, why do I stay? I have idea's, but the main reason is financial..I just cannot make it on my own..plain and simple...Pathetic I know... BTW, I have left him twice and kicked him out once and he is like an addiction to me, I cannot live without him..Obviously I have some issues. LOL....I will say this though, if he did not drink most of our problems would not be problems..If that makes any sense...And we would be able to enjoy each other again.....at least most of the time..we get along fine when he is sober..Well I guess all of that is another story and not for this list .....BUT, it makes me wonder if what I am going through with him doesn't some how contribute to the FMS... Thanks for listening, Karla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 9, 2008 Report Share Posted February 9, 2008 Hey Peachie, Sry for what you are going through. I can relate to some of it. I have also gained about 70 lbs since married 26 years ago, Hubby gives me hard time about it but it is hard to exercise with fibro, Fortunately hubby is not a drinker. I do still work though and that is exhausting. If hubby is willing to take a walk with you(when sober) around the block or as much as you can handle a bit at a time it is great exercise and it will give you guys time to talk and hopefully help your relationship.I know it does help ours, The decision to lose weight by diet or surgery has to be your own when you are ready.Does hubby support you having surgery to lose weight? I am sure that would make it alot easier on you. I do know one trick though about being forced to walk. I have a 70 lb dog and she has to be walked especially if hubby not here so there is no choice,she also makes me getup and play with her and crys when I close my eyes to go to sleep sometimes during day when I am home.(sry got off the main subject), Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide and have pain free days/nites. Jodi M. Peachie wrote: I have been with my husband for almost 24 years (married 22).. I have always been pretty healthy and either underweight or ideal..Over the years I have gained over 100 pounds..Most of it due to the fact that he is verbally abusive and it has always been aimed at my weight (even when I was not fat). ..It got to the point where I would hide when I ate (dangerous thing) and ballooned because of it.. I have had a bad (damaged) back since I was 22 years old.. I worked as a nursing assistant for 10 years and finally had to quit when I was about 27 because it was killing my back...I went on disability which is a crappy amount because I was so young when I had to quit working.. Now I have the FMS and degenerative joint disease and he doesn't understand it..I say he doesn't care enough to understand. If he loved me he would go to appointments and try to understand... He said tonight " we " (huh) need to get you walking and moving, and get you out of the house so you can go do stuff with me..I said I have NO desire to go with you and hang with you and your drunken friends (he is an alcoholic BTW)..I said I am happy with the things I am able to do..Really I am not, but he would twist that so I don't try to make him understand... He blames everything on my weight, so he said " oh so your going to just get bigger then " ..I said, where did you come up with that, I have not gained any weight so shut up! I have actually been at the same weight for about 6 years ..no up, no down...Do I like being fat? Hell no...Who does?! I have talked to my Dr about lap band surgery and he made a referral for me, but I am terrified of doing it..BUT I cannot live like this anymore..I will be 46 next month..I do think losing some weight will help because I have a big rear seat and it pulls on my back..but again I am not telling him that... Oh yes the question, why do I stay? I have idea's, but the main reason is financial..I just cannot make it on my own..plain and simple...Pathetic I know... BTW, I have left him twice and kicked him out once and he is like an addiction to me, I cannot live without him..Obviously I have some issues. LOL....I will say this though, if he did not drink most of our problems would not be problems..If that makes any sense...And we would be able to enjoy each other again.....at least most of the time..we get along fine when he is sober..Well I guess all of that is another story and not for this list .....BUT, it makes me wonder if what I am going through with him doesn't some how contribute to the FMS... Thanks for listening, Karla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 > > I have been with my husband for almost 24 years (married 22).. > Oh yes the question, why do I stay? I have idea's, but the main we get along fine when > he is sober.. > ....BUT, it makes me wonder if what I am going through with him doesn't some > how contribute to the FMS... > > Thanks for listening, > Karla ***************** Dear Karla: I hear what you are saying...no fun living with someone who is alcoholic and my guess is that it IS contributing to your stress level and so the fibro also. You could try going to an alanon group to help you see how all of this is affecting you. There is a lot of strength in being with others who know what you are living with; just like with this group. Hope this helps, Vicki northern MN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 Hi Karla, I'm wayyyyyyyyyy behind on posts but just came across this one. If you ever want to talk to someone who has been there I will listen anytime. My first husband was alcoholic and abusive. I still married him anyway, knowing he was abusive. I was 21 at the time and my self esteem was so low that I thought A was the only man in the world who would ever love me. Every single time he got drunk, I would get hit. I could count on it. Later after I left him, he called and said he has an allergy to alcohol and that is why he hit me. I didn't believe him but figured weirder things have happened so who knows. But that whole experience damaged me for many years and I sometimes think I still deal with a bit of ptsd due to it. I am here to reach out to you to let you know you are not alone and I do understand. My now husband was a heavy drinker in our early years and I was sure he was also alcoholic because he was always drinking and had no control over it. He just wouldn't stop til the bar closed, or we ran out, or there was no more money to buy any more drinks. He always forgot the whole night before, and that destroyed me sometimes. We almost didn't make it either. I pretty much told him that 'THIS is not my future. I am not saying I will leave you, but this - me watching you be a drunk *** every night, is not MY future.' It took many years and I don't know what happened if he just grew up or grew out of that or what. Maybe he took my words seriously but also his doctor said his liver levels were elevated and he kind of 'woke up.' Anyhow, just wanted you to know you are not alone and I'm here anytime you need to talk. Melody Peachie wrote: > I have been with my husband for almost 24 years (married 22).. I have always > been pretty healthy and either underweight or ideal..Over the years I have > gained over 100 pounds..Most of it due to the fact that he is verbally > abusive and it has always been aimed at my weight (even when I was not fat). > .It got to the point where I would hide when I ate (dangerous thing) and > ballooned because of it.. > > I have had a bad (damaged) back since I was 22 years old.. I worked as a > nursing assistant for 10 years and finally had to quit when I was about 27 > because it was killing my back...I went on disability which is a crappy > amount because I was so young when I had to quit working.. Now I have the > FMS and degenerative joint disease and he doesn't understand it..I say he > doesn't care enough to understand. If he loved me he would go to > appointments and try to understand... > > He said tonight " we " (huh) need to get you walking and moving, and get you > out of the house so you can go do stuff with me..I said I have NO desire to > go with you and hang with you and your drunken friends (he is an alcoholic > BTW)..I said I am happy with the things I am able to do..Really I am not, > but he would twist that so I don't try to make him understand... > > He blames everything on my weight, so he said " oh so your going to just get > bigger then " ..I said, where did you come up with that, I have not gained any > weight so shut up! I have actually been at the same weight for about 6 years > .no up, no down...Do I like being fat? Hell no...Who does?! I have talked to > my Dr about lap band surgery and he made a referral for me, but I am > terrified of doing it..BUT I cannot live like this anymore..I will be 46 > next month..I do think losing some weight will help because I have a big > rear seat and it pulls on my back..but again I am not telling him that... > > Oh yes the question, why do I stay? I have idea's, but the main reason is > financial..I just cannot make it on my own..plain and simple...Pathetic I > know... > > BTW, I have left him twice and kicked him out once and he is like an > addiction to me, I cannot live without him..Obviously I have some issues. > LOL....I will say this though, if he did not drink most of our problems > would not be problems..If that makes any sense...And we would be able to > enjoy each other again.....at least most of the time..we get along fine when > he is sober..Well I guess all of that is another story and not for this list > ....BUT, it makes me wonder if what I am going through with him doesn't some > how contribute to the FMS... > > Thanks for listening, > Karla > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.