Somewhere In The Knight - A Blog Revisted

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I pulled this up from my blogs, had forgotten about it...with nearly

2000 blog entries, who wouldn't.

I repost now and dedicate it to my daughter [yes, you " N " ], and to YOU

all.

Somewhere In The Knight

This was written for another group I belong to, but something said it

was sharing....ok, " T " said I should share it....

Ok, this is going to be a rework of the writing I had finished all but a

line of and walked out of the room, when the computer crashed, with the

help of a little black kitten....I knew when named that thing

" Black Angel " something was up.

I say a rework....it may turn into anything but what it was before...but

then, isn't that the way of everything. Every action becomes something

else, as new data, new experiences come into the picture. The perception

is " reworked " ... " refined " .

The other story, in a round and about way, was about dancing...getting

" out there " . And it was about " karaoke " ..., daring to " let it out " ,

regardless of who was listening, or watching. There was a lot of mixed

in humor of course, but then, it's the humor that can crack open the

doors of ourselves, that we have been " bolted " behind for a long

time...it has been safer there...more secure...it served us as

protection.

We came into this place, wide open, full of wonder, alive, loving;

without fear, without reserve, without restriction.

We were taught, and learned, and experienced, all the reasons to subdue

ourselves. To hide, who we really were. And what we developed were

" persona's " ... " masks " .

We have a mask for every part of our lives...one for our lover, another

for work. We have one for friends, and one for those we haven't yet put

into a category. Now, they can be interchanged and switch around, even

used together, yet, they are there. And another name for them is, ego.

Ego created them all. Ego has a grand distaste for attack, even for

being identified as such.

Since ego operates from a different set of " operating commands and

structure " , based on it's " running processes " , experiences unto itself;

you never know what your getting.

The thing is though...once we begin to realize that we are more than any

ego, or the mask, we take over our rightful and natural places...and

operate from that instead. Ego then " works for us " , instead of " is us " .

Now, we don;t go any lash out or take issue with ego for having run a

muck. In the place we operate from, we actually thank ego, for having

stepped up. We weren't conscious of who we were. Something " got us

through " ...even if half banged up and battered, as it were.

No, in our loving way; in our natural way, we have come to remember, and

take back the natural flow of doing. We forgive ego, as " it operated

from what it knew " , in no other way did it operate. It had no other data

or information (light).

We have come to " enlighten " it, and claim our place, to restore sanity.

We can now, not only forgive the simple fact, that we were not entirely

present...but we can now even use the tools that the ego created. We

find a new way to use these tools to teach with...ourselves, and even,

sometimes, others.

If you do really want to know anyone else...you have to know YOU first,

at least, be on that journey of discovering who and what you are. And as

you begin to look closer at these mask that have been worn, as something

besides the real you...it might be, that you begin to see, where others

are experiencing their lives from...and when used in constructive ways,

with humor even, we begin to be able to truly relate.

When you can make honest mistakes and be able to, finally, laugh it off,

not take yourself so seriously, the rest of you begins to take

note...even, possibly, the rest of humanity as well.

In part of the original writing of this, I was looking round the

room....

There you are, I see you. You'd be surprised what I can see from this

corner, eyes closed and all. I see a few, which remind me of

myself...not all that long ago time wise. Standing on the edge of the

dance floor, afraid..fearful...something. Something inside of me just

dying to come forth, to get involved...to dance.

I remember myself in this....I must have been about 15-16, maybe it was

even before that, at various times. Inside, I was dancing, and I was

impressing the hell out of myself. Every move, every twist, every turn.

But outside, shields on full. I had no true experience in this. What if

they laughed, or said something, what if I made mistakes, what if I

looked like a complete idiot?

Friends tried and tried to pull me up and out there...not me...no

way...I had an " image " [mask] to keep intact.

It took awhile, but, eventually, I got to that point, where, all the fun

I was having on the inside became more powerful than what I was doing on

the out. In one moment of decision, I broke free. I got up there and

made the biggest fool out of myself anyone had ever witnessed. Oh, they

laughed till they were rolling in the floor....the kids, the parents,

everyone there. And, the strangest thing happened...all the other " me's "

sitting around the floor, even some elderly grandma's sitting and

watching, decided this was just too fun to pass on....everyone jumped

in...and it was fun. I didn't stop dancing, or making a fool of myself,

though, I did get better at the dancing over time.

Which brought me around to karaoke years later. It was the same kind of

thing, but I was much older. And being a bar, you get an idea of how

many attempted to sing from the courage being consumed. I was still

projecting a mask, after all, these were adults, and working men and

women...it was your job to " appear " certain ways. I was prodded to jump

up there and sing with others, who weren't really doing all that well

themselves, but, I was having a great time loving and laughing at their

attempts....they didn't care...they were letting " something " out that

just wouldn't stay in any longer. It took some time, but this began to

dawn on me little by little.

I found myself up on the stage with a few others, all of who were

singing a few words ahead, or behind the monitors script, us all half

falling over our words like a bunch of drunk monkey's who discovered

they could talk, much less sing. Yet, as we began to heat up in our

complete embarrassment, we discovered we didn't care, not one bit.

Everyone was laughing, some actually choking on their drinks...and

everyone, all of them were having fun doing it. A few more went ahead

and tried, just because....

Now, I still can;t sing, but I make up songs about nothing and

everything, as does now...and we let it flow. has a lovely

voice, but me....watch out...I sound like a donkey stuck under a wagon

wheel. I make up songs, usually with humor, kind of like the New Zealand

guys on that show... " Flight Of The Concords " ...just as stupid....and

just as funny, if even to myself.

So, you see, in " this house " ...we learn and laugh and cut up. We love

and heal and enjoy. We share and cry and dream. We do and try and

" live " .

I look over at ya now.....yes....YOU. Jump in here. Say boo....print

that quote you love so much...print that poem you wrote when you were

10, write a story, paste an article you ran across that made a

difference for you. Tell about that thing that happened today that made

you cry. Tell about that dream your working on. Let your thoughts fall

across the paper...the screen. Remember your child, your pet, something

new altogether.

And, just so you know...we're going to laugh at you till we're rolling

all over the floor. We're going to cry with you till we're out of

tissue. We're going to dream with you till it comes true. We're going to

love at you, till there is nothing here but love.

I see you....that you in there, just dying to come out and take the

chance. What's the worst thing that can happen?

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Love D~

" somewhere in the knight, that's what they all say, somewhere in the

knight, makes them all pray, that somewhere in the knight, the insanity,

will endddddddddd.....somewhere in the knight, this is so crazy, that,

somewhere in the knight, we're all going to go insane, somewhere in the

knight, I fell in love with you.... " sung to the tune of Sinatra's

" Somewhere In The Night " .

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