Guest guest Posted February 9, 2008 Report Share Posted February 9, 2008 Hi Jeanne, My chemo starts week after next, after the weekend of the 16th. It was supposed to start this week but my daughter wants/needs to be with me (or my cousin who isn't available next week either). So it will start Wednesday 2/20, Thursday 2/21 and Friday 2/22. Next week my daughter Andi will be in Atlanta (I'm in Connecticut) at an American Cancer Society Convention, which is where she works. She has to go because she is in charge of the workshops and lectures so can't cancel and I wouldn't want her too. It means a lot to her Carree. It's hard to believe she has been there 11 years. Anyway either my cousin or Andi will stay with me those three nights, rotating however they work it out. (My cousin MJ is closer in age to Andi than to me) We all decided this schedule would work better than my going to one of their houses with all the kids. It's a megadose cocktail (the doctor's words) to try to knock the cancer out of the bone before it becomes stage 4 which it is dangerously close to. I am dreading how sick I will be, but want to try whatever I have to and the oncologist said starting small would be a waste of time. I'm really down today. I don't feel good in general. Added to my regular symptoms are swollen knees that don't like the stairs and a general all over achey, flu like pain and low grade fever, which I get sometimes. I think I may be worse today because of my emotional state. I'm beginning to believe I don't belong on this site. I try to do the best I can to support people and speak up for people, but instead of appreciation I get shunned. No one but you has answered any of my posts in a couple of days. I've evidently done something wrong by not always being a cheerleader and for standing up for what I believe when things that don't seem fair are going on. It's hard for me to ask for help and support, but I have tried to give it wherever I can. Well I'm the one who needs support and understanding now and no one even replies, but you, when I talk about my cancer and treatments coming up. I've talked in recent days about how much the brain fog and fatigue effect my life and how hard I try to battle it along with the severe pains in my neck, shoulder, upperback and head on the left side. I even answered a post about someone else having those symptoms that have been called a cluster migraine by my neurologist and heard nothing back. I've talked about the pains in my hips and knees and ankles and up my shins, but hear nothing back. I've written about hope and how I think we should all have hope that things will change and how we should look at the day to day things that matter in our lives instead of projecting way into the future, because we don't know what is going to happen in the next few minutes, and surely not the next few years. I heard nothing from anyone. Someone else wrote on the subject and they got all sorts of answers. I don't know why people on here don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm not all cheery and light, but talk about how things are. I don't mean to be a downer and I don't ask for support that much, but I've sure needed it lately and other than you don't get it. Emotionally I'm sinking down into a pit and it looks familiar. I've been here before. I live alone and this site was my where I was reaching out to a world of people living with what I'm living with. It looks like I don't belong here either. Marti Jeanne and Dave wrote: What did you find our about your treatments? You can reply privately if you prefer. Jeanne in WI > Hi Angie and Debra, > It is amazing how few people there really are who care about others and > what they are going through. Several years ago I had Leukemia (well I > guess I still do, but it's in remission and I am fine) and went through > two rounds of chemotherapy. I was still working at the time and really > didn't get any sympathy at all, after the beginning well wishes. People > there and everywhere, including my family, really did not want to know > about it. I think people get scared of having cancer themselves and can't > talk about it or something - the same happens with Fibromyalgia. There > are also those who say they don't know what to say. (My mother says > that's the way the cookie crumbles.) > Now I'm starting chemo again next week for the bone cancer and the few > people left that haven't already fallen out of my life because of Fibro > don't want to talk about it. At least I'm not working now, so I don't > have to look at the faces of the people I worked with like I did the other > time. That was terrible. Seeing the uncaring faces look away really > fast. --------------------------------- Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 9, 2008 Report Share Posted February 9, 2008 Marti: I am sorry you have to take Chemo. I am glad you have your daughter and cousin who will help you while you take your chemo. I did not answer sooner because I really do not know anything about chemo. I have Lupus and Fibromyalgia. I have been diagnosed since October l992. I wish there was something I could say to help you but I have never been on chemo, so I really do not know anything about it. The only thing I know about it is it is not easy to deal with and that it makes a person very sick. I hope you feel better after the chemo. Sharon H. ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 9, 2008 Report Share Posted February 9, 2008 > > Hi Jeanne, > My chemo starts week after next, after the weekend of the 16th. It was supposed to start this week but my daughter wants/needs to be with me (or my cousin who isn't available next week either). So it will start Wednesday 2/20, Thursday 2/21 and Friday 2/22. Next week my daughter Andi will be in Atlanta (I'm in Connecticut) at an American Cancer Society Convention, which is where she works. She has to go because she is in charge of the workshops and lectures so can't cancel and I wouldn't want her too. It means a lot to her Carree. It's hard to believe she has been there 11 years. Anyway either my cousin or Andi will stay with me those three nights, rotating however they work it out. (My cousin MJ is closer in age to Andi than to me) We all decided this schedule would work better than my going to one of their houses with all the kids. It's a megadose cocktail (the doctor's words) to try to knock the cancer out of the bone before it becomes stage 4 which it is > dangerously close to. I am dreading how sick I will be, but want to try whatever I have to and the oncologist said starting small would be a waste of time. > > I'm really down today. I don't feel good in general. Added to my regular symptoms are swollen knees that don't like the stairs and a general all over achey, flu like pain and low grade fever, which I get sometimes. I think I may be worse today because of my emotional state. > > I'm beginning to believe I don't belong on this site. I try to do the best I can to support people and speak up for people, but instead of appreciation I get shunned. No one but you has answered any of my posts in a couple of days. I've evidently done something wrong by not always being a cheerleader and for standing up for what I believe when things that don't seem fair are going on. > > It's hard for me to ask for help and support, but I have tried to give it wherever I can. Well I'm the one who needs support and understanding now and no one even replies, but you, when I talk about my cancer and treatments coming up. I've talked in recent days about how much the brain fog and fatigue effect my life and how hard I try to battle it along with the severe pains in my neck, shoulder, upperback and head on the left side. I even answered a post about someone else having those symptoms that have been called a cluster migraine by my neurologist and heard nothing back. I've talked about the pains in my hips and knees and ankles and up my shins, but hear nothing back. > > I've written about hope and how I think we should all have hope that things will change and how we should look at the day to day things that matter in our lives instead of projecting way into the future, because we don't know what is going to happen in the next few minutes, and surely not the next few years. I heard nothing from anyone. Someone else wrote on the subject and they got all sorts of answers. > > I don't know why people on here don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm not all cheery and light, but talk about how things are. I don't mean to be a downer and I don't ask for support that much, but I've sure needed it lately and other than you don't get it. > > Emotionally I'm sinking down into a pit and it looks familiar. I've been here before. I live alone and this site was my where I was reaching out to a world of people living with what I'm living with. It looks like I don't belong here either. > > Marti > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 9, 2008 Report Share Posted February 9, 2008 Hi , Thank you so much for writing. It makes such a difference to me. I'm sorry for all that you have been going through and of course understand you weren't in a place to respond. I appreciate so much your thoughts, concern and prayers. Blessed be, Marti wrote: > > Hi Jeanne, > My chemo starts week after next, after the weekend of the 16th. It was supposed to start this week but my daughter wants/needs to be with me (or my cousin who isn't available next week either). So it will start Wednesday 2/20, Thursday 2/21 and Friday 2/22. Next week my daughter Andi will be in Atlanta (I'm in Connecticut) at an American Cancer Society Convention, which is where she works. She has to go because she is in charge of the workshops and lectures so can't cancel and I wouldn't want her too. It means a lot to her Carree. It's hard to believe she has been there 11 years. Anyway either my cousin or Andi will stay with me those three nights, rotating however they work it out. (My cousin MJ is closer in age to Andi than to me) We all decided this schedule would work better than my going to one of their houses with all the kids. It's a megadose cocktail (the doctor's words) to try to knock the cancer out of the bone before it becomes stage 4 which it is > dangerously close to. I am dreading how sick I will be, but want to try whatever I have to and the oncologist said starting small would be a waste of time. > > I'm really down today. I don't feel good in general. Added to my regular symptoms are swollen knees that don't like the stairs and a general all over achey, flu like pain and low grade fever, which I get sometimes. I think I may be worse today because of my emotional state. > > I'm beginning to believe I don't belong on this site. I try to do the best I can to support people and speak up for people, but instead of appreciation I get shunned. No one but you has answered any of my posts in a couple of days. I've evidently done something wrong by not always being a cheerleader and for standing up for what I believe when things that don't seem fair are going on. > > It's hard for me to ask for help and support, but I have tried to give it wherever I can. Well I'm the one who needs support and understanding now and no one even replies, but you, when I talk about my cancer and treatments coming up. I've talked in recent days about how much the brain fog and fatigue effect my life and how hard I try to battle it along with the severe pains in my neck, shoulder, upperback and head on the left side. I even answered a post about someone else having those symptoms that have been called a cluster migraine by my neurologist and heard nothing back. I've talked about the pains in my hips and knees and ankles and up my shins, but hear nothing back. > > I've written about hope and how I think we should all have hope that things will change and how we should look at the day to day things that matter in our lives instead of projecting way into the future, because we don't know what is going to happen in the next few minutes, and surely not the next few years. I heard nothing from anyone. Someone else wrote on the subject and they got all sorts of answers. > > I don't know why people on here don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm not all cheery and light, but talk about how things are. I don't mean to be a downer and I don't ask for support that much, but I've sure needed it lately and other than you don't get it. > > Emotionally I'm sinking down into a pit and it looks familiar. I've been here before. I live alone and this site was my where I was reaching out to a world of people living with what I'm living with. It looks like I don't belong here either. > > Marti > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 Thank you for sharing with us the dates of your chemo and the fact that you will have family to stay with you following your treatments. I'm relieved to know you won't be alone during those days. I know from everything you've posted about yourself that you are a fighter. You've overcome an abusive marriage and leukemia in your past, and I value all of your posts. You do try to be encouraging and supportive to many on the list. Seems like you and I clicked right off the bat. Please don't leave the group. I would really miss you. I have been praying for you, and will do so even more while you are having your chemo. I hope the side effects will be bearable. Take care, my friend. Jeanne in WI > wrote: >> >> Hi Jeanne, >> My chemo starts week after next, after the weekend of the 16th. It was >> supposed to start this week but my daughter wants/needs to be with me (or >> my cousin who isn't available next week either). So it will start >> Wednesday 2/20, Thursday 2/21 and Friday 2/22. Next week my daughter Andi >> will be in Atlanta (I'm in Connecticut) at an American Cancer Society >> Convention, which is where she works. She has to go because she is in >> charge of the workshops and lectures so can't cancel and I wouldn't want >> her too. It means a lot to her Carree. It's hard to believe she has been there 11 years. Anyway either my cousin or Andi will stay with me those three nights, rotating however they work it out. (My cousin MJ is closer in age to Andi than to me) We all decided this schedule would work better than my going to one of their houses with all the kids. It's a megadose cocktail (the doctor's words) to try to knock the cancer out of the bone before it becomes stage 4 which it is dangerously close to. I am dreading how sick I will be, but want to try whatever I have to and the oncologist said starting small would be a waste of time. >> >> I'm really down today. I don't feel good in general. Added to my regular >> symptoms are swollen knees that don't like the stairs and a general all >> over achey, flu like pain and low grade fever, which I get sometimes. I >> think I may be worse today because of my emotional state. >> >> I'm beginning to believe I don't belong on this site. I try to do the >> best I can to support people and speak up for people, but instead of >> appreciation I get shunned. No one but you has answered any of my posts >> in a couple of days. I've evidently done something wrong by not always >> being a cheerleader and for standing up for what I believe when things >> that don't seem fair are going on. >> >> It's hard for me to ask for help and support, but I have tried to give it >> wherever I can. Well I'm the one who needs support and understanding now >> and no one even replies, but you, when I talk about my cancer and >> treatments coming up. I've talked in recent days about how much the brain fog and fatigue effect my life and how hard I try to battle it along with the severe pains in my neck, shoulder, upperback and head on the left side. I even answered a post about someone else having those symptoms that have been called a cluster migraine by my neurologist and heard nothing back. I've talked about the pains in my hips and knees and ankles and up my shins, but hear nothing back. >> >> I've written about hope and how I think we should all have hope that >> things will change and how we should look at the day to day things that >> matter in our lives instead of projecting way into the future, because we >> don't know what is going to happen in the next few minutes, and surely >> not the next few years. I heard nothing from anyone. Someone else wrote on the subject and they got all sorts of answers. >> >> I don't know why people on here don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm not >> all cheery and light, but talk about how things are. I don't mean to be a >> downer and I don't ask for support that much, but I've sure needed it >> lately and other than you don't get it. >> >> Emotionally I'm sinking down into a pit and it looks familiar. I've been >> here before. I live alone and this site was my where I was reaching out >> to a world of people living with what I'm living with. It looks like I >> don't belong here either. >> >> Marti Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 I love you Marti, of all the people on this site, you are the one I think of most. You are the one that has lifted my spirits the most. You are the one that I admire with your words of encouragement and support. I don't post alot, and I do get way behind on reading posts. I'm sorry if I have not posted my feelings. You are a amazing women with your fighting spirit. A lot of people are afraid of the C word. You will fight this. My prayers are with you always. You are loved!. Judy in Wi Jeanne and Dave wrote: Thank you for sharing with us the dates of your chemo and the fact that you will have family to stay with you following your treatments. I'm relieved to know you won't be alone during those days. I know from everything you've posted about yourself that you are a fighter. You've overcome an abusive marriage and leukemia in your past, and I value all of your posts. You do try to be encouraging and supportive to many on the list. Seems like you and I clicked right off the bat. Please don't leave the group. I would really miss you. I have been praying for you, and will do so even more while you are having your chemo. I hope the side effects will be bearable. Take care, my friend. Jeanne in WI > wrote: >> >> Hi Jeanne, >> My chemo starts week after next, after the weekend of the 16th. It was >> supposed to start this week but my daughter wants/needs to be with me (or >> my cousin who isn't available next week either). So it will start >> Wednesday 2/20, Thursday 2/21 and Friday 2/22. Next week my daughter Andi >> will be in Atlanta (I'm in Connecticut) at an American Cancer Society >> Convention, which is where she works. She has to go because she is in >> charge of the workshops and lectures so can't cancel and I wouldn't want >> her too. It means a lot to her Carree. It's hard to believe she has been there 11 years. Anyway either my cousin or Andi will stay with me those three nights, rotating however they work it out. (My cousin MJ is closer in age to Andi than to me) We all decided this schedule would work better than my going to one of their houses with all the kids. It's a megadose cocktail (the doctor's words) to try to knock the cancer out of the bone before it becomes stage 4 which it is dangerously close to. I am dreading how sick I will be, but want to try whatever I have to and the oncologist said starting small would be a waste of time. >> >> I'm really down today. I don't feel good in general. Added to my regular >> symptoms are swollen knees that don't like the stairs and a general all >> over achey, flu like pain and low grade fever, which I get sometimes. I >> think I may be worse today because of my emotional state. >> >> I'm beginning to believe I don't belong on this site. I try to do the >> best I can to support people and speak up for people, but instead of >> appreciation I get shunned. No one but you has answered any of my posts >> in a couple of days. I've evidently done something wrong by not always >> being a cheerleader and for standing up for what I believe when things >> that don't seem fair are going on. >> >> It's hard for me to ask for help and support, but I have tried to give it >> wherever I can. Well I'm the one who needs support and understanding now >> and no one even replies, but you, when I talk about my cancer and >> treatments coming up. I've talked in recent days about how much the brain fog and fatigue effect my life and how hard I try to battle it along with the severe pains in my neck, shoulder, upperback and head on the left side. I even answered a post about someone else having those symptoms that have been called a cluster migraine by my neurologist and heard nothing back. I've talked about the pains in my hips and knees and ankles and up my shins, but hear nothing back. >> >> I've written about hope and how I think we should all have hope that >> things will change and how we should look at the day to day things that >> matter in our lives instead of projecting way into the future, because we >> don't know what is going to happen in the next few minutes, and surely >> not the next few years. I heard nothing from anyone. Someone else wrote on the subject and they got all sorts of answers. >> >> I don't know why people on here don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm not >> all cheery and light, but talk about how things are. I don't mean to be a >> downer and I don't ask for support that much, but I've sure needed it >> lately and other than you don't get it. >> >> Emotionally I'm sinking down into a pit and it looks familiar. I've been >> here before. I live alone and this site was my where I was reaching out >> to a world of people living with what I'm living with. It looks like I >> don't belong here either. >> >> Marti 1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to certain health conditions or just dangerous in general. 2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying to make that situation better. 3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-unsubscribe 4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be feeling bad at the same time when it comes to flares and b/c of that potentially take something another member says the wrong way. And that includes the things that one member may find funny (even if it's laughing at fibro itself) even though we who deal with illness whether one such as fibro or multiple illnesses try to keep a sense of humor. 5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having a bad day pls let us know so that we can do our best to offer our support. Have a nice day everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 Judy, I almost don't know what to say (but you know me I always have something to say). That was the kindest, most loving post and it means so much to me. I have a tear in my eye and goose bumps because it's hard to find someone who feels this way about me and particularly will share it with the whole group. I'm so glad to hear I've been a help in some way.Thank you for your support. It means the world to me. I'm going to save this and read it when I'm down in the pit, where I've been for a few days. I'm working hard to pull myself out of it and your post will certainly help. I know people are afraid of the C word and I think I will just talk about the FMS and other more common things wrong with me for now. I may need to find another group to talk about that with. Thank you again, Marti Judy Thurow wrote: I love you Marti, of all the people on this site, you are the one I think of most. You are the one that has lifted my spirits the most. You are the one that I admire with your words of encouragement and support. I don't post alot, and I do get way behind on reading posts. I'm sorry if I have not posted my feelings. You are a amazing women with your fighting spirit. A lot of people are afraid of the C word. You will fight this. My prayers are with you always. You are loved!. Judy in Wi Jeanne and Dave wrote: Thank you for sharing with us the dates of your chemo and the fact that you will have family to stay with you following your treatments. I'm relieved to know you won't be alone during those days. I know from everything you've posted about yourself that you are a fighter. You've overcome an abusive marriage and leukemia in your past, and I value all of your posts. You do try to be encouraging and supportive to many on the list. Seems like you and I clicked right off the bat. Please don't leave the group. I would really miss you. I have been praying for you, and will do so even more while you are having your chemo. I hope the side effects will be bearable. Take care, my friend. Jeanne in WI > wrote: >> >> Hi Jeanne, >> My chemo starts week after next, after the weekend of the 16th. It was >> supposed to start this week but my daughter wants/needs to be with me (or >> my cousin who isn't available next week either). So it will start >> Wednesday 2/20, Thursday 2/21 and Friday 2/22. Next week my daughter Andi >> will be in Atlanta (I'm in Connecticut) at an American Cancer Society >> Convention, which is where she works. She has to go because she is in >> charge of the workshops and lectures so can't cancel and I wouldn't want >> her too. It means a lot to her Carree. It's hard to believe she has been there 11 years. Anyway either my cousin or Andi will stay with me those three nights, rotating however they work it out. (My cousin MJ is closer in age to Andi than to me) We all decided this schedule would work better than my going to one of their houses with all the kids. It's a megadose cocktail (the doctor's words) to try to knock the cancer out of the bone before it becomes stage 4 which it is dangerously close to. I am dreading how sick I will be, but want to try whatever I have to and the oncologist said starting small would be a waste of time. >> >> I'm really down today. I don't feel good in general. Added to my regular >> symptoms are swollen knees that don't like the stairs and a general all >> over achey, flu like pain and low grade fever, which I get sometimes. I >> think I may be worse today because of my emotional state. >> >> I'm beginning to believe I don't belong on this site. I try to do the >> best I can to support people and speak up for people, but instead of >> appreciation I get shunned. No one but you has answered any of my posts >> in a couple of days. I've evidently done something wrong by not always >> being a cheerleader and for standing up for what I believe when things >> that don't seem fair are going on. >> >> It's hard for me to ask for help and support, but I have tried to give it >> wherever I can. Well I'm the one who needs support and understanding now >> and no one even replies, but you, when I talk about my cancer and >> treatments coming up. I've talked in recent days about how much the brain fog and fatigue effect my life and how hard I try to battle it along with the severe pains in my neck, shoulder, upperback and head on the left side. I even answered a post about someone else having those symptoms that have been called a cluster migraine by my neurologist and heard nothing back. I've talked about the pains in my hips and knees and ankles and up my shins, but hear nothing back. >> >> I've written about hope and how I think we should all have hope that >> things will change and how we should look at the day to day things that >> matter in our lives instead of projecting way into the future, because we >> don't know what is going to happen in the next few minutes, and surely >> not the next few years. I heard nothing from anyone. Someone else wrote on the subject and they got all sorts of answers. >> >> I don't know why people on here don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm not >> all cheery and light, but talk about how things are. I don't mean to be a >> downer and I don't ask for support that much, but I've sure needed it >> lately and other than you don't get it. >> >> Emotionally I'm sinking down into a pit and it looks familiar. I've been >> here before. I live alone and this site was my where I was reaching out >> to a world of people living with what I'm living with. It looks like I >> don't belong here either. >> >> Marti 1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to certain health conditions or just dangerous in general. 2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying to make that situation better. 3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-unsubscribe 4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be feeling bad at the same time when it comes to flares and b/c of that potentially take something another member says the wrong way. And that includes the things that one member may find funny (even if it's laughing at fibro itself) even though we who deal with illness whether one such as fibro or multiple illnesses try to keep a sense of humor. 5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having a bad day pls let us know so that we can do our best to offer our support. Have a nice day everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 Yes Jeanne you have been there for me right from the start and I have hoped you felt the same way. Thanks for letting me know that you do. It's interesting how people can click right away when they don't know each other except from writing. But I think when you are just writing your heart comes through and you're not distracted by anything else. You write such great supportive posts and I always read them, even if I don't have time to read all of the other posts. I am a fighter and a survivor and I'm sure I will survive this bout too. I have a positive attitude most of the time and feel like I can conquer anything. I'm working like crazy to pull myself out of the pit I am in now so I can get on with being the person I usually am and not just seeing the dark side. I'm not really afraid of the chemo, but of how it will work, but that part I've tryed to let go of. I just do what I can and leave the rest in good hands. I'm sure I will have my fighting spirit back in time to start treatment and it's posts like yours that make me know I can do it. Like you said, I need to remember I survived an abusive marriage (and upbringing) and Leukemia, which I wasn't given great odds on but I showed em. I know that spirit will come back if I remember things you've said and save this post to read when I need it. I'm thinking I may stay in this group (even if I didn't I wouldn't lose touch with you) and just try to talk about the FMS and other things that go along with it and maybe look for another group to talk about the bone cancer with. It is hard for a lot of people to even think about much less talk Cancer about and this is an FMS site. Thank you again, Blessed be, Marti Jeanne and Dave wrote: Thank you for sharing with us the dates of your chemo and the fact that you will have family to stay with you following your treatments. I'm relieved to know you won't be alone during those days. I know from everything you've posted about yourself that you are a fighter. You've overcome an abusive marriage and leukemia in your past, and I value all of your posts. You do try to be encouraging and supportive to many on the list. Seems like you and I clicked right off the bat. Please don't leave the group. I would really miss you. I have been praying for you, and will do so even more while you are having your chemo. I hope the side effects will be bearable. Take care, my friend. Jeanne in WI > wrote: >> >> Hi Jeanne, >> My chemo starts week after next, after the weekend of the 16th. It was >> supposed to start this week but my daughter wants/needs to be with me (or >> my cousin who isn't available next week either). So it will start >> Wednesday 2/20, Thursday 2/21 and Friday 2/22. Next week my daughter Andi >> will be in Atlanta (I'm in Connecticut) at an American Cancer Society >> Convention, which is where she works. She has to go because she is in >> charge of the workshops and lectures so can't cancel and I wouldn't want >> her too. It means a lot to her Carree. It's hard to believe she has been there 11 years. Anyway either my cousin or Andi will stay with me those three nights, rotating however they work it out. (My cousin MJ is closer in age to Andi than to me) We all decided this schedule would work better than my going to one of their houses with all the kids. It's a megadose cocktail (the doctor's words) to try to knock the cancer out of the bone before it becomes stage 4 which it is dangerously close to. I am dreading how sick I will be, but want to try whatever I have to and the oncologist said starting small would be a waste of time. >> >> I'm really down today. I don't feel good in general. Added to my regular >> symptoms are swollen knees that don't like the stairs and a general all >> over achey, flu like pain and low grade fever, which I get sometimes. I >> think I may be worse today because of my emotional state. >> >> I'm beginning to believe I don't belong on this site. I try to do the >> best I can to support people and speak up for people, but instead of >> appreciation I get shunned. No one but you has answered any of my posts >> in a couple of days. I've evidently done something wrong by not always >> being a cheerleader and for standing up for what I believe when things >> that don't seem fair are going on. >> >> It's hard for me to ask for help and support, but I have tried to give it >> wherever I can. Well I'm the one who needs support and understanding now >> and no one even replies, but you, when I talk about my cancer and >> treatments coming up. I've talked in recent days about how much the brain fog and fatigue effect my life and how hard I try to battle it along with the severe pains in my neck, shoulder, upperback and head on the left side. I even answered a post about someone else having those symptoms that have been called a cluster migraine by my neurologist and heard nothing back. I've talked about the pains in my hips and knees and ankles and up my shins, but hear nothing back. >> >> I've written about hope and how I think we should all have hope that >> things will change and how we should look at the day to day things that >> matter in our lives instead of projecting way into the future, because we >> don't know what is going to happen in the next few minutes, and surely >> not the next few years. I heard nothing from anyone. Someone else wrote on the subject and they got all sorts of answers. >> >> I don't know why people on here don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm not >> all cheery and light, but talk about how things are. I don't mean to be a >> downer and I don't ask for support that much, but I've sure needed it >> lately and other than you don't get it. >> >> Emotionally I'm sinking down into a pit and it looks familiar. I've been >> here before. I live alone and this site was my where I was reaching out >> to a world of people living with what I'm living with. It looks like I >> don't belong here either. >> >> Marti --------------------------------- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 Margaret, You are doing fine at only 100-200 posts behind.....when I went into the hospital, I was current and 9 days later, I had 271 emails (digests, 25 msgs each)! It took me DAYS to get caught up. In fact, because some of the convos had " moved on " I didn't respond to a lot of them! Don't worry about the house so much. Our house is 3 bed/2 bath, maybe 1600 sq feet? No clue. Anyhow, the kids are responsible for their rooms (DH vacuums because both daughter and I have severe allergies). The kids clean their bathroom with us inspecting it (that's half the house!). We make our bed (DH and I) and keep our bathroom neat - daughter can get down and scrub our shower stall (which I cannot do any more) so I spray it down once a week and then spray it again when she's ready to scrub it. DH does the dog-hair catching as we call it and washes the floor. He and I share cooking duties (if I cook, he serves, we all clean up, that kind of thing) and I start laundry on Friday. Every day I eyeball my living room which is the first thing anyone sees, pick up papers, etc. as necessary and have gone to a feather duster to dust *whereever* I see dust. My old days of blasting thru the house are over....and I'm okay with that (most days...lol). So if you have rooms you don't use, I would close them off if they were clean (close the vents too). This would save on your heating bill...... Just some thoughts early in the morning... Darlene > > Marti, > I also care and do read your posts. It is just that I never know > what to say when someone is hurting so. I have no knowledge of > cancer or chemo-therapy so can't relate to it other than to know it > must be a terrible experience for you. I usually don't answer posts > unless I feel there is someway that I can help. Also, I am usually > between 100-200 posts behind. I have a large house to take care of > and I am not doing a good job on that either as I have slowed down so > much. I do wish you the best however and hope that what you are > going through isn't very painful for you. Please keep us posted as I > do follow your messages. > Margaret B > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 Wow Marti. Those who abandon you during this time are not deserving of your friendship anyway. I hope you know I'm here for you should you ever need a friend to talk to. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, I cannot even imagine. Hugs, Melody > >> Hi Angie and Debra, >> It is amazing how few people there really are who care about others and >> what they are going through. Several years ago I had Leukemia (well I >> guess I still do, but it's in remission and I am fine) and went through >> two rounds of chemotherapy. I was still working at the time and really >> didn't get any sympathy at all, after the beginning well wishes. People >> there and everywhere, including my family, really did not want to know >> about it. I think people get scared of having cancer themselves and can't >> talk about it or something - the same happens with Fibromyalgia. There >> are also those who say they don't know what to say. (My mother says >> that's the way the cookie crumbles.) >> Now I'm starting chemo again next week for the bone cancer and the few >> people left that haven't already fallen out of my life because of Fibro >> don't want to talk about it. At least I'm not working now, so I don't >> have to look at the faces of the people I worked with like I did the other >> time. That was terrible. Seeing the uncaring faces look away really >> fast. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 Marti, you DO belong here. I'm reading your posts, I had just set them all aside for some Marti time. I woke up today and said " it's Marti morning. " I'm sorry so late, and you may not even feel this low today as you did when you wrote this. I am so sorry I was not there for you. I'm a bad friend to others on the weekends sometimes as I spend less time on the computer as I do during the week when I'm here by myself. Anytime you need support and fast, email me privately as I check private emails first. I always see my " fibro " folder of emails fill up into the hundreds on weekends and then I try to go in order by date, but the really long ones I set aside so I can really read them. You are important! You are appreciated and You Matter! You are liked, I am thinking many were like me and just got desperately behind in posts or were having fog. I can't read the long ones during fogs but I'll set them aside for the non fog times. I see tons and tons of Marti replies, did you get those? How are you doing today, any better? My heart goes out to you, I know how rough it is to feel that way and wish you knew how important you are to many. Let me know what you need, I'm here. Hugs, Melody Marti Boguski wrote: > Hi Jeanne, > My chemo starts week after next, after the weekend of the 16th. It was supposed to start this week but my daughter wants/needs to be with me (or my cousin who isn't available next week either). So it will start Wednesday 2/20, Thursday 2/21 and Friday 2/22. Next week my daughter Andi will be in Atlanta (I'm in Connecticut) at an American Cancer Society Convention, which is where she works. She has to go because she is in charge of the workshops and lectures so can't cancel and I wouldn't want her too. It means a lot to her Carree. It's hard to believe she has been there 11 years. Anyway either my cousin or Andi will stay with me those three nights, rotating however they work it out. (My cousin MJ is closer in age to Andi than to me) We all decided this schedule would work better than my going to one of their houses with all the kids. It's a megadose cocktail (the doctor's words) to try to knock the cancer out of the bone before it becomes stage 4 which it is > dangerously close to. I am dreading how sick I will be, but want to try whatever I have to and the oncologist said starting small would be a waste of time. > > I'm really down today. I don't feel good in general. Added to my regular symptoms are swollen knees that don't like the stairs and a general all over achey, flu like pain and low grade fever, which I get sometimes. I think I may be worse today because of my emotional state. > > I'm beginning to believe I don't belong on this site. I try to do the best I can to support people and speak up for people, but instead of appreciation I get shunned. No one but you has answered any of my posts in a couple of days. I've evidently done something wrong by not always being a cheerleader and for standing up for what I believe when things that don't seem fair are going on. > > It's hard for me to ask for help and support, but I have tried to give it wherever I can. Well I'm the one who needs support and understanding now and no one even replies, but you, when I talk about my cancer and treatments coming up. I've talked in recent days about how much the brain fog and fatigue effect my life and how hard I try to battle it along with the severe pains in my neck, shoulder, upperback and head on the left side. I even answered a post about someone else having those symptoms that have been called a cluster migraine by my neurologist and heard nothing back. I've talked about the pains in my hips and knees and ankles and up my shins, but hear nothing back. > > I've written about hope and how I think we should all have hope that things will change and how we should look at the day to day things that matter in our lives instead of projecting way into the future, because we don't know what is going to happen in the next few minutes, and surely not the next few years. I heard nothing from anyone. Someone else wrote on the subject and they got all sorts of answers. > > I don't know why people on here don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm not all cheery and light, but talk about how things are. I don't mean to be a downer and I don't ask for support that much, but I've sure needed it lately and other than you don't get it. > > Emotionally I'm sinking down into a pit and it looks familiar. I've been here before. I live alone and this site was my where I was reaching out to a world of people living with what I'm living with. It looks like I don't belong here either. > > Marti > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 Marti, if you ever want to talk about your cancer, or just vent while you go through chemo, I'll listen anytime. If you even want to talk about your past (abuse/etc) to someone else who is a fellow abuse survivor, I'll gladly talk with you or listen anytime. Hugs, Melody Marti Boguski wrote: > Yes Jeanne you have been there for me right from the start and I have hoped you felt the same way. Thanks for letting me know that you do. It's interesting how people can click right away when they don't know each other except from writing. But I think when you are just writing your heart comes through and you're not distracted by anything else. > You write such great supportive posts and I always read them, even if I don't have time to read all of the other posts. > I am a fighter and a survivor and I'm sure I will survive this bout too. I have a positive attitude most of the time and feel like I can conquer anything. I'm working like crazy to pull myself out of the pit I am in now so I can get on with being the person I usually am and not just seeing the dark side. I'm not really afraid of the chemo, but of how it will work, but that part I've tryed to let go of. I just do what I can and leave the rest in good hands. I'm sure I will have my fighting spirit back in time to start treatment and it's posts like yours that make me know I can do it. > Like you said, I need to remember I survived an abusive marriage (and upbringing) and Leukemia, which I wasn't given great odds on but I showed em. I know that spirit will come back if I remember things you've said and save this post to read when I need it. I'm thinking I may stay in this group (even if I didn't I wouldn't lose touch with you) and just try to talk about the FMS and other things that go along with it and maybe look for another group to talk about the bone cancer with. It is hard for a lot of people to even think about much less talk Cancer about and this is an FMS site. Thank you again, > Blessed be, > Marti > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 Hey Marti, we're here for you all the way and we aren't going anywhere. got it friend. You have been there for me so many times. You are a dear. Need anything let me know. You are in my prayers. god bless Little LINDA --------------------------------- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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