Energy flow/

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

What you have said here is very interesting to me.

I think I agree with you on nearly everything you said. I say think because I

could be confused about part of it, but then that's me.

I believe in your explanation of the flow of energy in and around people. I

think most mothers are probably mostly depleted of energy as you said. My

mother was one of those who sucked all the energy/life out of her children. But

she is the exception to any rule in most cases.

What about negative energy? I guess that is explained by one of the ways you

describe the flow of energy, but I just wondered where it fit, if it did.

You said you found that people were unfailingly generous. Did you mean

mostly? Because if what you said were true then the other people who are energy

hoarders, etc. wouldn't be around us.

I believe like you do that having a chronic illness can make people very

needy. When I was first dx with Fibro and then other things I told people and

also asked people for things, like picking up a prescription or the like, when I

just couldn't go out. I learned what you did that with most people you need to

not ask for things, at least not more than say once.

I did exactly what you did. I started making friends, expecting absolutely

nothing in return. It was a hard thing for me to wrap my mind around when I was

first trying to do it. I didn't really understand what I was doing it for or

how I was doing it, but I did. I ended up doing this with almost everyone,

including my family. My daughter and I have even discussed it. She wanted a

relationship with me in which I had no expectations from her. I found that to

be weird, but have been able to do it. For a long, long time that meant I

received nothing back from her and did all the giving. Last summer she started

giving a little something back and has added little bits along the way. It's

still a little awkward for me, not being able to ask for anything or not being

able to " just be myself " expecting give and take in a relationship. But it is

working as well as it can be. She is not a nurturer by nature (except somewhat

to her 3 boys)(luckily Joe, her husband, is

quite a nurturer) so she doesn't come up with many things to give. When I lost

most of my eyesight last summer, she did step up and say she would take me to my

eye specialist's appointments if she could make them and plan them around her

schedule, which was fine with me. She continued to take me until last week when

I went alone because my eyes are better for now; the doctor says that is

temporary. She also stepped up and took me to my Oncologist's appointments and

went in with me and asked questions and took notes. As you can see she needs to

be in control (I believe this has something to do with being the adult child of

an alcoholic father). It is fine with me that she is in control of this

situation. Some other ones have been a bit trying, but we do get along better

now and I don't need to be in control of things to be happy. Certainly getting

along better than when she was out of my life completely and told everyone that

there wasn't anything wrong with me and I

was crazy and a lyer. I don't know how the energy is between us now. Is it

just stationary with no movement either way? I would be interested in your

comments.

I used to consider people that you couldn't ask things of were not " friend

material. " But now I know there a different levels of friends and most are on

the level of not asking, with a very few fitting in the give and take place.

Now that I understand that I am a much happier person. I am also more happy

when I am giving whether I'm receiving anything back or not.

Thanks for such an inter sting topic for discussion.

Feel well,

Marti

Zimmy wrote:

> And I've always been an empath in life. Most will never believe

> it, but

> I do feel what others feel sometimes. I've had to train myself not to

> over the years.

I think that this is very, very important for you.

I have a kind of weird theory about love, and energy. I think that

love/energy (same thing?) is a force that is supposed to flow from

person to person. YMMV, this is probably totally screwy, take it

with a large saltshaker, result of too much caffeine, the gerbil in

my head has been on the treadmill too long, etc. etc.

There are people who the energy flows into, and flows back out into

the next person. This is as it should be. They're balanced, neither

running on a deficit, nor keeping it selfishly to themselves.

There are people who the energy flows into, and they keep it. That

means that the people around them are starved of this force/love/

energy that should go to them.

There are people who the energy bounces off of. They're also

starved. They don't know how to take it in.

There are people who it flows into, and it flows out, along with any

that they may have stored up. They will eventually run on a deficit.

There are people who don't get enough coming in, but put out the the

normal amount anyway. They'll also eventually run into a deficit.

There are people who suck all of the energy from everyone around them

and keep it.

I've noticed, especially with moms, that they often are putting out

without receiving enough in return. It's important for people with

high output to find ways of being nurtured and receiving, and not

always giving. For example, taking care of kids and hubby, working,

and then on Sunday teaching Sunday School and being in charge of

this, that, and the other thing at school is probably too much.

There has to be a place where Mom is sitting and taking in some

nurturing.

I remember a time in my life when I was very, very lonely and very,

very needy. I figured out that in order to maintain contact with

people, I had to put aside my neediness and begin to relate to people

without asking anything of them. It was difficult especially at

first, because I was running on a severe deficit, but I could not

give into the temptation to pull from other people, because then I

would lose them as they became depleted. Sounds weird, but I know

what I mean. ;D As I slowly built up friendships based on

friendship, not need, I found that I *could* ask of people, but I try

to be very careful about it. I also found that people were

unfailingly generous. And some people, I absolutely will not ask

things of; they're putting out too much as it is and I want to be one

person who doesn't take from them.

Melody, your " white light " thing is important. It's important that

you find ways, through visualization, imagery, or whatever, to put up

a shield (remember the Colgate " Gardol Shield " ?) around yourself to

prevent yourself from being depleted. Maybe for some of us, the

" progression " of this illness is that we become so severely depleted

in love, energy, whatever, that we have a harder time making it

through the bad days.

Z