Fwd: You might already have seen this, but what the hell

[Guest guest]

I say in advance that I almost never find these things funny, whatever the

subject matter, and this is no exception. I thought it might amuse sombody

or other.

>

>Subject: USA

>

>NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

>

>To the citizens of the United States of America,

>

>In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to

>govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your

>independence, effective today.

>

>Her Sovereign Majesty Queen II will resume monarchial duties

>over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah,

>which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony

>Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that

>there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for

>America without the need for further elections. Congress and the

>Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to

>determine whether any of you noticed.

>

>To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following

>rules are introduced with immediate effect:

>

>1. You should look up " revocation " in the Oxford English Dictionary.

>Then look up " aluminium " . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be

>amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally,you

>should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up

> " vocabulary " . Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with

>filler noises such as " like " and " you know " is an unacceptable and

>inefficient form of communication. Look up " interspersed " .

>

>2. There is no such thing as " US English " . We will let Microsoft know

>on your behalf.

>

>3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.

>It really isn't that hard.

>

>4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the

>good guys.

>

>5. You should relearn your original national anthem, " God Save The

>Queen " , but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you

>to get confused and give up half way through.

>

>6. You should stop playing American " football " . There is only one kind

>of football. What you refer to as American " football " is not a very

>good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside

>your borders may have noticed that no one else plays " American "

>football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead

>play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the

>girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in

>time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American " football " ,

>but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing

>full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at

>least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

>

>7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if

>they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that

>there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.

>The Russians have never been the bad guys. " Merde " is French for

> " sh*t " .

>

>8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new

>national holiday, but only in England. It will be called " Indecisive

>Day " .

>

>9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are cr*p and it is for

>your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what

>we mean.

>

>10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

>

>Thank you for your cooperation.

>

>

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[Guest guest]

At 05:14 PM 11/15/00 GMT, Pete Watts wrote:

>I say in advance that I almost never find these things funny, whatever the

>subject matter, and this is no exception. I thought it might amuse sombody

>or other.

>

>>

>>Subject: USA

>>

>>NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

In a similar vein, but unlike the UK, there are those who are trying to

help out. The page is real slow to load, it may be getting lots of hits:

<http://www.theonion.com/onion3641/serbia_deploys_forces.html>

Back to the originally quoted message, there appears to be an attempt

at organized manipulation of the language, ala Big Brother in Orwell's

" 1984 " , and some other organization that's been discussed on this list.

And wasn't Orwell one of those british people?

>>1. You should look up " revocation " in the Oxford English Dictionary.

>>Then look up " aluminium " . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be

>>amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally,you

>>should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up

>> " vocabulary " . Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with

>>filler noises such as " like " and " you know " is an unacceptable and

>>inefficient form of communication. Look up " interspersed " .

>>

>>2. There is no such thing as " US English " . We will let Microsoft know

>>on your behalf.

-----

http://listen.to/benbradley

[Guest guest]

> unlike the UK, there are those who are trying to

> help out. The page is real slow to load, it may be getting lots of

>hits:

>

> <http://www.theonion.com/onion3641/serbia_deploys_forces.html>

Tx Ben that was a classic! My Yugo sorta-gf will love it!

>

> Back to the originally quoted message, there appears to be an

>attempt at organized manipulation of the language, ala Big Brother in

>Orwell's " 1984 " , and some other organization that's been discussed on

>this list.

> And wasn't Orwell one of those british people?

I guesss they (and maybe Orwell) would say they are trying to

manipulate the language back to what it should be!

Say, any of you folks got a pump? Half of my country's under f***ing

water. I even have my own private flood by my bathroom ,courtesy of

my lunatic upstairs neighbour who refuses to let them in for 5 min to

clear the water courses. Mould looks so more interesting that

wallpaper, dont you think?!

P.

P.

>

> >>1. You should look up " revocation " in the Oxford English

Dictionary.

> >>Then look up " aluminium " . Check the pronunciation guide. You

will be

> >>amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

Generally,you

> >>should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up

> >> " vocabulary " . Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with

> >>filler noises such as " like " and " you know " is an unacceptable and

> >>inefficient form of communication. Look up " interspersed " .

> >>

> >>2. There is no such thing as " US English " . We will let Microsoft

know

> >>on your behalf.

>

> -----

> http://listen.to/benbradley

[Guest guest]

Great find Pete, found it hilarious!!!

jan

> I say in advance that I almost never find these things funny,

whatever the

> subject matter, and this is no exception. I thought it might amuse

sombody

> or other.

>

> >

> >Subject: USA

> >

> >NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

> >

> >To the citizens of the United States of America,

> >

> >In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and

thus to

> >govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your

> >independence, effective today.

> >

> >Her Sovereign Majesty Queen II will resume monarchial

duties

> >over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah,

> >which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon.

Tony

> >Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware

that

> >there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for

> >America without the need for further elections. Congress and the

> >Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next

year to

> >determine whether any of you noticed.

> >

> >To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the

following

> >rules are introduced with immediate effect:

> >

> >1. You should look up " revocation " in the Oxford English

Dictionary.

> >Then look up " aluminium " . Check the pronunciation guide. You

will be

> >amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

Generally,you

> >should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up

> > " vocabulary " . Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with

> >filler noises such as " like " and " you know " is an unacceptable and

> >inefficient form of communication. Look up " interspersed " .

> >

> >2. There is no such thing as " US English " . We will let Microsoft

know

> >on your behalf.

> >

> >3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian

accents.

> >It really isn't that hard.

> >

> >4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors

as the

> >good guys.

> >

> >5. You should relearn your original national anthem, " God Save The

> >Queen " , but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not

want you

> >to get confused and give up half way through.

> >

> >6. You should stop playing American " football " . There is only one

kind

> >of football. What you refer to as American " football " is not a

very

> >good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world

outside

> >your borders may have noticed that no one else plays " American "

> >football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should

instead

> >play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played

with the

> >girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in

> >time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to

American " football " ,

> >but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or

wearing

> >full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get

together at

> >least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

> >

> >7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear

weapons if

> >they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that

> >there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves

lucky.

> >The Russians have never been the bad guys. " Merde " is French for

> > " sh*t " .

> >

> >8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a

new

> >national holiday, but only in England. It will be

called " Indecisive

> >Day " .

> >

> >9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are cr*p and it is

for

> >your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand

what

> >we mean.

> >

> >10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

> >

> >Thank you for your cooperation.

> >

> >

>

>

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