Re: Venting!!! -

[Guest guest]

I hope you don't mind me replying since I'm new to the group.

Have you had a real sit down heart to heart talk with your husband?

My husband was doing some things that upset me and I said

I'd had enough. They weren't terrible things, but inconsiderate.

For eg...not speaking up for me when we had a rude visitor.

When he did speak up for me the next time what a difference it made.

Until I persisted about how much it hurt my feelings he didn't take me

seriously.

Could you take a shower before going to bed on Friday and have

yourself ready to go on Saturday?

Sorry I don't have many more suggestions.

Hope things work out for you.

Elaine

> It is Saturday and just as it always does the day after my husband's

> paycheck is in the bank, he has ALL of these errands HE JUST HAS TO

> run. I will admit, we talk about some of them the night before, but

> at this point I am getting more and more hurt feelings. He will get

> up, take his shower, get dressed and then tell me ALL of the long

> list of places he is going, ask if I want anything and then leave.

> Now my problem is that I almost never have had much if any sleep the

> night before and when I hear him in the shower and drag myself out of

> bed, I hurt all over. And that seems to be when the pain is at it's

> highest level. Another thing about these Saturdays is that I do wish

> he would take his cell phone so that should I need to, I could call

> him!!!

> But, also, if he DIDN'T have to GO so soon after getting up and would

> wait at least an hour, he might find out, just as I am now, that I

> could get my shower, dressed and go with him!!!

> But I guess I have also realized that there is nothing stopping me

> from taking the shower, getting dressed and leaving for 5 or 6

> hours. And I could do nothing but run to one or two stores and then

> find a place to park and wait to see when he comes home, spent

> another thirty minutes doing some of my own " errands " and see what he

> thinks when he can't reach me.

> I feel as if I am a baby sitting here feeling sorry for myself, but

> this is a pattern that he has done since I guit working and it is

> beginning to hurt my feelings more and more --- I think this is the

> first time I have actually even put it in words and I know it is the

> first time I have cried so hard!!!

> Sorry for that, but it seems so unfair ==== and especially when he

> COULD NOT AFFORD TO DO ALL HE DOES IF I DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY I

> INHERITED FROM MY FAMILY, NOR COULD HE HAVE CHANGED JOBS SO OFTEN SO

> HE COULD MOVE UP HAD I NOT HAD A DIVORCE SETTLEMENT WHEN WE GOT

> MARRIED.

> I just feel as if he has no consideration for how I feel!!!

> Sorry, for this but I had to get it out.

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG Free Edition.

> Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.7/1232 - Release Date: 1/18/2008

7:32 PM

>

[Guest guest]

When he got home yesterday after his trips to where ever, I did tell

him that if he could just wait perhaps an hour or so each time he

wants to to something, the aches and pains I wake up with are much

less. And I know that he cannot understand why I can't just jump out

of bed and go as we used to spend Saturdays or Sundays out exploring

where ever we lived --- part of the fun of living in a new area every

few years --- it's like a long term vacation! But if no one tells on

me, I did take more valium than I should have yesterday --- because I

have been taking it for years, I know basically it will just knock me

out and I will feel better mentally than I did yesterday when I

posted. But it still can't take away the resentment --- and his

remark about what he has built up in his pension fund is NOT the same

as the what I inherited. He wouldn't have the jobs he's had since we

have been married with out my knowledge of the areas he was applying

for jobs in --- and I have also resented it so much when people go on

and on about his background in history and his DEGREE in history!!!

That is so much bs!!! I HAVE THE BA TO PROVE I HAVE A DEGREE in

history and double the hours required to graduate!! His is just from

reading and also misreading info (I think he is dyslexic so he

misunderstands some of the things he reads)

And I know that is just from personal feelings be hurt --- I did

finally have enough of someone going on and on and on about his

knowledge of history and said, he's never HAD A CLASS IN HISTORY and

his BA and his Master are both in STUDIO ART! Got some funny looks

after that, but it was also strange that after we were married and I

volunteered at the museum where he was curator, I recognized objects

he had no idea what they were and when the board would have a

function, they were always asking him, " Is coming??? " That

really got to him!

I guess because as he says, I never open my mouth so people have no

idea what I do know, but I don't know why I have to expound upon the

know I have in my head.

Rather like his mother when she said she had enjoyed a certain book

and I said " I found it very boring as I had read and written papers

on the author's source materials! " I got the strange look --- almost

as if I didn't know what I was talking about. I sometimes think the

only ones in his family who appreciate me are his aunt and uncle and

that his Grandma also did, too.

---

In Fibromyalgia_Support_Group , Elaine

wrote:

>

> > > It is Saturday and just as it always does the day after my

husband's

> > paycheck is in the bank, he has ALL of these errands HE JUST HAS

TO

> > run. I will admit, we talk about some of them the night before,

but

> > at this point I am getting more and more hurt feelings. He will

get

> > up, take his shower, get dressed and then tell me ALL of the long

> > list of places he is going, ask if I want anything and then leave.

> > Now my problem is that I almost never have had much if any sleep

the

> > night before and when I hear him in the shower and drag myself

out of

> > bed, I hurt all over. And that seems to be when the pain is at

it's

> > highest level. Another thing about these Saturdays is that I do

wish

> > he would take his cell phone so that should I need to, I could

call

> > him!!!

> > But, also, if he DIDN'T have to GO so soon after getting up and

would

> > wait at least an hour, he might find out, just as I am now, that I

> > could get my shower, dressed and go with him!!!

> > But I guess I have also realized that there is nothing stopping me

> > from taking the shower, getting dressed and leaving for 5 or 6

> > hours. And I could do nothing but run to one or two stores and

then

> > find a place to park and wait to see when he comes home, spent

> > another thirty minutes doing some of my own " errands " and see

what he

> > thinks when he can't reach me.

> > I feel as if I am a baby sitting here feeling sorry for myself,

but

> > this is a pattern that he has done since I guit working and it is

> > beginning to hurt my feelings more and more --- I think this is

the

> > first time I have actually even put it in words and I know it is

the

> > first time I have cried so hard!!!

> > Sorry for that, but it seems so unfair ==== and especially when he

> > COULD NOT AFFORD TO DO ALL HE DOES IF I DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY I

> > INHERITED FROM MY FAMILY, NOR COULD HE HAVE CHANGED JOBS SO OFTEN

SO

> > HE COULD MOVE UP HAD I NOT HAD A DIVORCE SETTLEMENT WHEN WE GOT

> > MARRIED.

> > I just feel as if he has no consideration for how I feel!!!

> > Sorry, for this but I had to get it out.

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------

------

> >

> > No virus found in this incoming message.

> > Checked by AVG Free Edition.

> > Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.7/1232 - Release Date:

1/18/2008 7:32 PM

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

, I know this may sound like a pat answer but have you and he

tried counseling? If he can't understand how you are feeling it may

help to have a third person to help. Some people have a hard time

understanding what FM feels like and what we go through unless they

have also dealt with long term pain. My sisters still can't

understand depression even though they have met with my therapist

once. She has helped with communication between my husband and

myself. He is much more thoughtful even though he was a good man. He

was subconsciously waiting for me to be the old Neda so he was

keeping himself busy until I found a way to be the old Neda again. I

told him I was never going to be her again and that this was how it

was going to be now. Going over that again with my therapist was a

huge breakthrough for us. Even if you just go by yourself it will

help with all of this pent up anger you have. You need to take the

time to find a good therapist by asking around. I had one who just

talked about what happened in my childhood and I didn't feel a click

with her. The woman I see now, well she has become that best friend

who I tell everything, cares for me and I trust her completely. Neda

> When he got home yesterday after his trips to where ever, I did tell

> him that if he could just wait perhaps an hour or so each time he

> wants to to something, the aches and pains I wake up with are much

> less. And I know that he cannot understand why I can't just jump out

> of bed and go as we used to spend Saturdays or Sundays out exploring

> where ever we lived --- part of the fun of living in a new area every

> few years --- it's like a long term vacation! But if no one tells on

> me, I did take more valium than I should have yesterday --- because I

> have been taking it for years, I know basically it will just knock me

> out and I will feel better mentally than I did yesterday when I

> posted. But it still can't take away the resentment --- and his

> remark about what he has built up in his pension fund is NOT the same

> as the what I inherited. He wouldn't have the jobs he's had since we

> have been married with out my knowledge of the areas he was applying

> for jobs in --- and I have also resented it so much when people go on

> and on about his background in history and his DEGREE in history!!!

> That is so much bs!!! I HAVE THE BA TO PROVE I HAVE A DEGREE in

> history and double the hours required to graduate!! His is just from

> reading and also misreading info (I think he is dyslexic so he

> misunderstands some of the things he reads)

> And I know that is just from personal feelings be hurt --- I did

> finally have enough of someone going on and on and on about his

> knowledge of history and said, he's never HAD A CLASS IN HISTORY and

> his BA and his Master are both in STUDIO ART! Got some funny looks

> after that, but it was also strange that after we were married and I

> volunteered at the museum where he was curator, I recognized objects

> he had no idea what they were and when the board would have a

> function, they were always asking him, " Is coming??? " That

> really got to him!

> I guess because as he says, I never open my mouth so people have no

> idea what I do know, but I don't know why I have to expound upon the

> know I have in my head.

> Rather like his mother when she said she had enjoyed a certain book

> and I said " I found it very boring as I had read and written papers

> on the author's source materials! " I got the strange look --- almost

> as if I didn't know what I was talking about. I sometimes think the

> only ones in his family who appreciate me are his aunt and uncle and

> that his Grandma also did, too.

> ---

> In Fibromyalgia_Support_Group , Elaine

> wrote:

> >

> > > > It is Saturday and just as it always does the day after my

> husband's

> > > paycheck is in the bank, he has ALL of these errands HE JUST HAS

> TO

> > > run. I will admit, we talk about some of them the night before,

> but

> > > at this point I am getting more and more hurt feelings. He will

> get

> > > up, take his shower, get dressed and then tell me ALL of the long

> > > list of places he is going, ask if I want anything and then leave.

> > > Now my problem is that I almost never have had much if any sleep

> the

> > > night before and when I hear him in the shower and drag myself

> out of

> > > bed, I hurt all over. And that seems to be when the pain is at

> it's

> > > highest level. Another thing about these Saturdays is that I do

> wish

> > > he would take his cell phone so that should I need to, I could

> call

> > > him!!!

> > > But, also, if he DIDN'T have to GO so soon after getting up and

> would

> > > wait at least an hour, he might find out, just as I am now, that I

> > > could get my shower, dressed and go with him!!!

> > > But I guess I have also realized that there is nothing stopping me

> > > from taking the shower, getting dressed and leaving for 5 or 6

> > > hours. And I could do nothing but run to one or two stores and

> then

> > > find a place to park and wait to see when he comes home, spent

> > > another thirty minutes doing some of my own " errands " and see

> what he

> > > thinks when he can't reach me.

> > > I feel as if I am a baby sitting here feeling sorry for myself,

> but

> > > this is a pattern that he has done since I guit working and it is

> > > beginning to hurt my feelings more and more --- I think this is

> the

> > > first time I have actually even put it in words and I know it is

> the

> > > first time I have cried so hard!!!

> > > Sorry for that, but it seems so unfair ==== and especially when he

> > > COULD NOT AFFORD TO DO ALL HE DOES IF I DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY I

> > > INHERITED FROM MY FAMILY, NOR COULD HE HAVE CHANGED JOBS SO OFTEN

> SO

> > > HE COULD MOVE UP HAD I NOT HAD A DIVORCE SETTLEMENT WHEN WE GOT

> > > MARRIED.

> > > I just feel as if he has no consideration for how I feel!!!

> > > Sorry, for this but I had to get it out.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ----------------------------------------------------------

> ------

> > >

> > > No virus found in this incoming message.

> > > Checked by AVG Free Edition.

> > > Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.7/1232 - Release Date:

> 1/18/2008 7:32 PM

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >