Re: Rejecting the whole mentality

[Guest guest]

I think you will get better. You have learned a lot from observing yourself.

Maybe just observing non judgmentally is the way to be gentle and allowing IE to

happen, allowing your love of yourself to be the guide. It has already guided

you this far, it's just a matter of the unfolding now. There is support out

there for ED. I had a similar experience to yours, but I stopped the purging and

now the binging has stopped, and now it's lessened to over eating. This happened

because I allowed myself to just observe and let things unfold and that's where

my insight is coming from. Take care of yourself, find something good to do for

yourself today, you deserve it!

>

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I wanted to share a big realization I had last night in case anyone else here

can relate. Sorry, this is not me at my finest.

>

> I've been on the IE path since last Spring with ups and downs, but I know that

I NEVER want to go back to the diet mentality.

>

> Not sure if others here share this particular demon, but since highschool I

not only was a binger but also a purger. Laxatives and vomiting were my way of

" justifying " all I had consumed. As I got older, married, children, now

divorced, I did get smarter and purging became pretty rare, but my secret is - I

still do it. I barely even acknowledge it to myself so it is strange to type it

here.

>

> Yesterday, I binged. I'm starting to date again, and it is sooo scary. I am

aware that is the emotion I am supressing with food. Like a late night robot, I

ate and ate and felt sick and looked for my pack of laxatives and realized there

were only two pills left.

>

> Step 1 of IE is reject the diet mentality - I did that. I realized last night

that I never rejected this other mentality - whatever you want to call it - but

it's an unhealthy mentality that I am still holding onto.

>

> I'm sharing my shameful secret because I'm thinking that we need to reject not

just the diet mentality, but any habits or secrets of our old ways. Some we

don't even realize we do until we have to choose between going to the store to

keep the habit alive or finally give up the habit.

>

> Tell me if this makes sense - IE is about being gentle with yourself. Yet

what I have been doing (not often but still) isn't being gentle - it's abusing

myself in a way.

>

> I'm fully aware that purging like that doesn't get out all the calories and

isn't healthy. It takes me days to get back on track with IE after doing it.

>

> So I'm not going to buy more, and that scares me. My entire adult life I've

held onto this. It's been my " back up plan " for when I completely fall off the

IE wagon.

>

> Hope I didn't gross anyone out. Thanks for reading

>

>

[Guest guest]

you are one brave woman to break the cycle. I used to do laxatives in college

too. (and like you, I considered it my backup plan.)

NOTHING to be ashamed of. Quite the opposite, you should be proud! You're going

somewhere BRAND NEW for you.

I'm dating too, and I have in the past come home from a date and eaten out of

disappointment that once again, it wasn't the right guy. WE CAN allow the

loneliness. It's only a feeling, it won't own us.

thanks so much for sharing this

Foggy in SF

>

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I wanted to share a big realization I had last night in case anyone else here

can relate. Sorry, this is not me at my finest.

>

> I've been on the IE path since last Spring with ups and downs, but I know that

I NEVER want to go back to the diet mentality.

>

> Not sure if others here share this particular demon, but since highschool I

not only was a binger but also a purger. Laxatives and vomiting were my way of

" justifying " all I had consumed. As I got older, married, children, now

divorced, I did get smarter and purging became pretty rare, but my secret is - I

still do it. I barely even acknowledge it to myself so it is strange to type it

here.

>

> Yesterday, I binged. I'm starting to date again, and it is sooo scary. I am

aware that is the emotion I am supressing with food. Like a late night robot, I

ate and ate and felt sick and looked for my pack of laxatives and realized there

were only two pills left.

>

> Step 1 of IE is reject the diet mentality - I did that. I realized last night

that I never rejected this other mentality - whatever you want to call it - but

it's an unhealthy mentality that I am still holding onto.

>

> I'm sharing my shameful secret because I'm thinking that we need to reject not

just the diet mentality, but any habits or secrets of our old ways. Some we

don't even realize we do until we have to choose between going to the store to

keep the habit alive or finally give up the habit.

>

> Tell me if this makes sense - IE is about being gentle with yourself. Yet

what I have been doing (not often but still) isn't being gentle - it's abusing

myself in a way.

>

> I'm fully aware that purging like that doesn't get out all the calories and

isn't healthy. It takes me days to get back on track with IE after doing it.

>

> So I'm not going to buy more, and that scares me. My entire adult life I've

held onto this. It's been my " back up plan " for when I completely fall off the

IE wagon.

>

> Hope I didn't gross anyone out. Thanks for reading

>

>

[Guest guest]

I wanted to thank each one of you for replying to my post. Something about

admitting it here I think really helped. Your encouragement meant more than I

can express.

I love that quote that we are only as sick as our secrets. This is definetly

not a secret worth having! Especially as a mom of a little girl, I want to

accept myself and pass that self-love down to her so she never has to agonize

like this.

Thank you for understanding the dating freak out!! You can't help but want to

look perfect when going on first dates. Then when they go bad it's like your

loneliness gets amplified. The fear of being rejected all over again is just so

strong. Big emotions makes it really hard to not binge.

This group is great! All the posts here help me feel more resolved.

Happy Friday Everyone! ~ anna

>

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I wanted to share a big realization I had last night in case anyone else here

can relate. Sorry, this is not me at my finest.

>

> I've been on the IE path since last Spring with ups and downs, but I know that

I NEVER want to go back to the diet mentality.

>

> Not sure if others here share this particular demon, but since highschool I

not only was a binger but also a purger. Laxatives and vomiting were my way of

" justifying " all I had consumed. As I got older, married, children, now

divorced, I did get smarter and purging became pretty rare, but my secret is - I

still do it. I barely even acknowledge it to myself so it is strange to type it

here.

>

> Yesterday, I binged. I'm starting to date again, and it is sooo scary. I am

aware that is the emotion I am supressing with food. Like a late night robot, I

ate and ate and felt sick and looked for my pack of laxatives and realized there

were only two pills left.

>

> Step 1 of IE is reject the diet mentality - I did that. I realized last night

that I never rejected this other mentality - whatever you want to call it - but

it's an unhealthy mentality that I am still holding onto.

>

> I'm sharing my shameful secret because I'm thinking that we need to reject not

just the diet mentality, but any habits or secrets of our old ways. Some we

don't even realize we do until we have to choose between going to the store to

keep the habit alive or finally give up the habit.

>

> Tell me if this makes sense - IE is about being gentle with yourself. Yet

what I have been doing (not often but still) isn't being gentle - it's abusing

myself in a way.

>

> I'm fully aware that purging like that doesn't get out all the calories and

isn't healthy. It takes me days to get back on track with IE after doing it.

>

> So I'm not going to buy more, and that scares me. My entire adult life I've

held onto this. It's been my " back up plan " for when I completely fall off the

IE wagon.

>

> Hope I didn't gross anyone out. Thanks for reading

>

>