Fighting Back

[Guest guest]

I've heard many things on this site about this dreaded monster and

how to combat it. I've heard bad bashing, good bashing, and plain old

bashing going on, and I've only been a member for a month or two.

Now, I can trace the beginning threads of whatever I have, since I

haven't officially been diagnosed, all the way back to shortly after

my 18th birthday. In actuality, I could probably trace it further

back than that.

I've heard about the various medications, OTC and prescription, and

their good and bad sides, oh, and we can't forget the nasty sides to

them as well. I am not on prescriptions. I've had to fight this

monster with OTC stuff because I'm too rich to qualify for Medicaid

and too poor to afford insurance, and finding a free clinic that

would be able to diagnose my mess is not going to be easy. On top of

that I am very, very phobic about doctors. I'm sure a lot of people

are.

I'm going to give you a long, drawn out history. I was a very, very

uncoordinated child, to the point where I even worried my

pediatrician as far back as my second birthday because I first

couldn't walk straight, and second couldn't walk heel to toe like

most humans. Add to that, I could never balance on one foot. That's

something I still can't do. He prescribed ballet, believe it or not.

So my parents enrolled me in ballet classes for the next six years.

In that time period I broke my first bone, my left thumb, during PE

class in first grade.

I was always a klutz, and still am, for that matter. I've been called

that, a hypochondriac, and a bald-faced liar in regard to my pain. On

some occasions, it was my parents labeling me with those. I have a

list of symptoms so long, I thought for a long time I would never be

able to verify it. I remembered something just earlier today in

regard to my medical condition that I hadn't thought about. Back in

1996 I got really sick right after my middle son had pneumonia and

was hospitalized for nine days. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, could

barely move, and was so violently ill I didn't know how I could stand

up, much less do anything else. My first thought was I was pregnant,

which would have shocked me spitless.

I found out it was chronic fatigue and my physician recommended

several things. Well, I have wracked my tiny brain and have come up

with bupkis in regard to what those recommendations are, save the

multi-vitamin, which I cannot take since I'm allergic to citric acid

and vitamin C no matter it's form or formulation. He marked the

incident in my chart. Now, all I have to do is get the doctor's

information and have it brought over from my old house. If I can, it

will help me here. I hope.

This mess I'm in, whatever it may be, I know it has an explanation. I

know it now, more so than I ever have. One day, I will have it

validated. I hope it is one day soon. I'm fighting back. I'm fighting

those who say I'm imagining things. I'm fighting those who say there

is no such thing. I'm fighting my own fears that no one will believe

me. I'm fighting because those of you here have given me the heart,

the fire, the strength to do just that. The support here may wax and

wane based on individual pain and personal situations, but it exists

here where we can all relate. I don't know how you feel, but I feel

it is the single most important discovery ever managed.

Always working to find a way to annihilate the MONSTER that is FIBRO,

A. Neff