hi! my name is cynthia

[Guest guest]

afternoon everyone!

my name is cynthia. i am almost 43 y/o, live in western ny, have 6

children, am almost divorces and live in pain everyday of my life. i

have been like this for what seems like an eternity. i have been

diagnosised with rhymatoid arthiritis and now osteo as well. i have

type 2 diabetes and fall in the criteria and then some for fibro. it

runs in my family, about 5 of my cousins of various levels of being

related have been diagnosised. i see a rhymotologist and his n.p. is

my primary when i go there. i am on methotrexate 8 pills a week, as

well as many many many other meds for the pain and diabetes...i know

what i have. i know that for some reason the n.p doesn;t want to

diagnosis me with the fibro. i don;t know why. i can;t work

anymore, as i can;t stand, for long periods, or sit or even lay

down. i don;t sleep well, i have a hard time thinking, i hurt, am

stiffer then a body that has been dead for 100 years and it takes

forever to get the siffness out. i swell, my hands and my feet

alwasy seem to feel like they are balloons. my jaw hurts, feels

tight or like i am grinding my teeth, i get headaches...i feel like i

have the flu all the time. i ache, i hurt, i am tired, so bad that

getting up to take a shower is an effort. i am depressed as i can not

do the things i used to enjoy...crocheting, crafting, embroidery,

swimming ( although floating feels SO good )hiking, walking, riding

my bike, the last time i went dancing i made it to the floor did one

turn around and had to sit down, we wound up going home early due to

the pain, even shopping or lunch with my friends is too much strain

for me anymore.... chasing my kids around, whatever...i feel like i

am a 300 y/o woman trapped in a young woman's body. i don't

understand why i cna't get diagnosised and get started on the path of

healing or even just releiving the pain. i know, you probably have

all gone thru this...so tell me, how do you get a doctor to listen

and acknowledge these symptoms? how do you get someone to help you?

how do you feel just a little bit human? how do you manage to explain

to people you aren't lazy or trying to get out of stuff, that you are

sick...in pain....that you feel like your muscles are being pulled

into 18 different directions and the fire shots of pain you feel

aren't all in your head? am i crazy? have i lost my mind? did i

die and this is a form of hell for whatever transgression i may have

made? sigh...anyways, i hope to find friendship here and be able to

be honest and open with others in the same boat as me...so until

then, i hope you are all able to enjoy the evening and that your

weekend is full of love and ease of pain....

cynthia