RE: I didn't sleep the whole night and all I can think is: food,food, food

[Guest guest]

I know men and women have different perspectives on sex but, honestly, as a man I find what your boyfriend did to be appauling.I applaud you for setting boundaries but also understand the self-doubt that comes after setting a boundary with someone you care about.As a group we tend to put ourself below others. In your instance I'd ask you - is a man who'd leave you because you're not willing to either be subservient to TV or be in the mood for sex after being woken up really a good fit? I know it's hard to come up with the notion that someone isn't worthy of us and I know it's easier for me to say this to you than to practice it myself. It's definitely better that you set the boundary but obviously it's not great if it leads to a binge. I'd recommend following up the boundary setting with doing something possitive for yourself - walk, read a good book, do something self affirming.

I spent Sund evening with my boyfriend and we had a lot of fun. Slightly after midnite, I told him that I was going to bed. He asked me if he could wake me up for sex.I "stood up" for myself and I said no. It really bothers me that every time I say that I am going to bed, he stays up for another 10 or 20 minutes and then he wants to wake me up for sex.

it is like we are sending each other these messahes: From him, "honey, the TV is more imporant than you". From me, "honey, my sleep is more important".

I hate this and even though I have been strong enough to say no, setting the boundaries bothers me as I think he is going to leave me and find someone who would not bothered being after the TV or being woken up to have sex.

We do have sex in those days when he mentions that he wants to wake me up.It is not like he does not get any.

Anyway, setting those boundaries leave me with a bad feeling so now I am not sure what is better.Allow him or continue with the boundaries and or just talk to him about what is going on.

Right now, he is till asleep.I am awake.I barely slept and all I have in mind is binge!

A

[Guest guest]

Speaking as a man, I'm with on this one. Your boyfriend is behaving selfishly, and you were right to set that boundary.

One of my rules of thumb: when presented with a choice between guilt and resentment, choose guilt. We've been trained that self-love is somehow wrong, so we feel guilty. Be a traitor to your training. Choose guilt.

Harry

-----Original Message-----From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of KarlenSent: Monday, May 31, 2010 11:30 AMTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: Re: I didn't sleep the whole night and all I can think is: food,food, food

I know men and women have different perspectives on sex but, honestly, as a man I find what your boyfriend did to be appauling.

I applaud you for setting boundaries but also understand the self-doubt that comes after setting a boundary with someone you care about.

As a group we tend to put ourself below others. In your instance I'd ask you - is a man who'd leave you because you're not willing to either be subservient to TV or be in the mood for sex after being woken up really a good fit? I know it's hard to come up with the notion that someone isn't worthy of us and I know it's easier for me to say this to you than to practice it myself.

It's definitely better that you set the boundary but obviously it's not great if it leads to a binge. I'd recommend following up the boundary setting with doing something possitive for yourself - walk, read a good book, do somethi ng self affirming.

On May 31, 2010, at 11:05 AM, "" <adriana13us> wrote:

I spent Sund evening with my boyfriend and we had a lot of fun. Slightly after midnite, I told him that I was going to bed. He asked me if he could wake me up for sex.I "stood up" for myself and I said no. It really bothers me that every time I say that I am going to bed, he stays up for another 10 or 20 minutes and then he wants to wake me up for sex.it is like we are sending each other these messahes: From him, "honey, the TV is more imporant than you". From me, "honey, my sleep is more important".I hate this and even though I have been strong enough to say no, setting the boundaries bothers me as I think he is going to leave me and find someone who would not bothered being after the TV or being woken up to have sex.We do have sex in those days when he mentions that he wants to wake me up.It is not like he does not get any.Anyway, setting those boundaries leave me with a bad feeling so now I am not sure what is better.Allow him or continue with the boundaries and or just talk to him about what is going on.Right now, he is till asleep.I am awake.I barely slept and all I have in mind is binge!A

[Guest guest]

Thanx guys - you have given me hope and taught me more about taking care of myself. Eileen

I spent Sund evening with my boyfriend and we had a lot of fun. Slightly after midnite, I told him that I was going to bed. He asked me if he could wake me up for sex.I "stood up" for myself and I said no. It really bothers me that every time I say that I am going to bed, he stays up for another 10 or 20 minutes and then he wants to wake me up for sex.it is like we are sending each other these messahes: From him, "honey, the TV is more imporant than you". From me, "honey, my sleep is more important".I hate this and even though I have been strong enough to say no, setting the boundaries bothers me as I think he is going to leave me and find someone who would not bothered being after the TV or being woken up to have sex.We do have sex in those days when he mentions that he wants to wake me up.It is not like he does not get any.Anyway, setting those boundaries leave me with a bad feeling so now I am not sure what is better.Allow him or continue with the boundaries and or just talk to him about what is going on.Right now, he is till asleep.I am awake.I barely slept and all I have in mind is binge!A

[Guest guest]

, please don't punish yourself because of your boyfriend's poor behavior! How inconsiderate and disrepectful of him! You were right for setting your boundaries, that showed self-respect!

Too bad there aren't more real gentlemen out there like Jon and Harry!

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

I did speak with him later in the morning.

I told him there are nights I wouldn't care and there are nights I do care if he

wants to wake me up.

We came to an agreement. Before I go to bed, we will talk about if I want to be

up for fun or not.

It is all learning. We have been together for 5 years and I can't believe how

many communication issues we still have and how they affect me.

It is not all his fault.

I can jump from A to Z in a second without thinking or asking for clarification.

Anyway, thank you all for your wonderful responses.

Have a great Monday

A

>

> , please don't punish yourself because of your boyfriend's poor

behavior!  How inconsiderate and disrepectful of him!  You were right for

setting your boundaries, that showed self-respect! 

>  

> Too bad there aren't more real gentlemen out there like Jon and Harry! 

>  

> Jeanne

>