Thank you and apologies

[Guest guest]

Thank you for all the kind words, and I want to extend a heartfelt

apology to anyone here who may have felt hurt or offended by any of my

emails. I cannot stress enough that my intention was never to hurt

anyone or challenge what you do. Since I too suffer this fibro monster,

I am extremely compassionate and understanding to what it is like to

have 'normals' around you who just do not understand. I am not one of

those people, I DO understand.

My mission in life is to help others. I know this is a fact, I just

know it. I come here to try and share a little hope with others

suffering with me, try to share a little " sunshine " (my nick name) and

try to be a rock when you need it. I share my testimony to try and

provide a little teeny glimmer of hope to even just one person who may

need that teeny glimmer of hope. My testimony is not to say you are not

trying, I have never said anyone here is not trying. I know each and

every one of you is a fighter and is trying, you wouldn't be here if you

weren't.

I will be the first to admit that at one point in MY life I did stop

trying and I did give up. But I was one of the lucky ones who found

hope, and I am here on this planet, and here in this group to try as

hard as I can to give even just one person a teeny glimmer of hope.

Yesterday I just felt like I failed at that. I had upset some members,

and when I upset people without even trying to, then I failed at my

mission. I did the opposite of making a positive difference if I upset

even just one person. We all know that negative emotions make us hurt

worse in our bodies, and knowing that I caused even one person to be

upset and in pain just kills me and made me sit here crying my little

heart out and feeling filled with despair and hopelessness. I am not

here to hurt others at all. I am here to help.

I lost all my hope yesterday because I felt like I was the only one with

that little glimmer of hope left that maybe my fibro would not

progress. I felt like that even if I had convinced myself that it

wouldn't progress in my body, that I was being told that it would

progress and that I had no choice in the matter. And no, nobody said

those words, but I just became quickly overwhelmed with what could be a

truth. I still refuse to accept that my own fibro will progress, but

that is because if I did choose to accept that, I would not get out of

bed in the morning. Whether it does or doesn't progress is yet to be

determined (in my own body) but I choose to believe it will not, just so

I can get out of bed each day and keep my own hope.

I like to compare my situation to someone who may have been in an

accident and was left paralyzed. (and yes I know that is no comparison,

but this example inspires me.) The doctor says to the patient, " I am

sorry but you will never walk again. " The patient says " I do not accept

that " and then after months and possibly years of therapy, lo and

behold, they are walking again.

I guess I am inspired by that type of will. If someone says to me " I'm

sorry but this thing is just going to progress. " I have to keep telling

myself that mine will not, because it is something that I do not want to

accept, just like if someone told me I would never walk.

I do believe our minds are one of our most powerful tools, and no I am

not saying we cannot will this thing away (trust me, I've tried.) But I

do believe there is some way we can use our minds to fight this thing

somehow, some way, and win the day by day battle - one day at a time,

even if we haven't won the life long battle just yet. Baby steps, ya

know? One day at a time.

I had a long talk with hubby and he went on and on about how proud of me

he is because of how hard I work to win on a daily basis. He is proud

that I continue with my floor stretches and yoga, my cardio, my

vitamins, my probiotics, my chiro and therapy, he has seen me fight

hard, give up, fight, give up, over and over again in the last 13

years. I myself have given up many times. I myself have stopped trying

many times. And my own personal result was that I did progress, my own

result was increased pain and longer lasting flares. I had to get back

up, dust myself off and fight harder. (once again, this is just me and

mine, I am not saying nobody here tries, please believe me, I'm just

swapping my stories.) He says he is a strong believer that my fibro is

BETTER than it was even when he first met me in 1995. (It really is,

but that is just me and my own body.) He said he thinks my fibro is

better than it was eight years ago when I quit my job, and better than

it was even six years ago before I found my chiro. He said he will help

provide me all the hope I need because he thinks I have this thing under

control as best as it can be controlled, even if there is no cure. He is

compassionate and understanding on those flare days that happen no

matter what, he is even my 'nagging' husband to take a naproxen even

when I say no, I don't wanna! (I can be the biggest brat when I flare,

just ask him, lol) He even nags me when I do the housework and he says

" hon, don't do too much, you are going to hurt tomorrow. "

But what has happened to me may be a miracle, because six years ago, a

day of housework left me in a week of flare type pain. Now, a day of

house work only leaves me in just a single day of pain. So maybe I am a

miracle case or one of a kind, and I am grateful. I believe maybe I am

blessed in this way so I can help others with hope and support. I don't

think this happened to me for nothing, and I won't throw away an

opportunity to help.

The bottom line is I wanted to come to this group and try to share that

hope with others, since I seemed to have so much to spare.

Yesterday I had a rough day where I had no hope, I think I am doing

better today. I really apologize for upsetting anyone, and please know

right here and now, if my posts make you think I'm telling you that you

are not trying, they are not. I know you are trying, I know we ALL try

harder than most on this planet. I know we are all fiercely independent

and strong fighters, we are like an army against this thing, we wouldn't

be if we weren't here in the group, right?

I do not set out to hurt others, and if my words hurt you, then my goal

was not achieved and I failed at my mission in life.

One more apology from me - I am sorry this got long, I will shut up now

and probably not post the rest of the day because I have a lot to do

today. I'm not on much the weekends since hubby is off, you all read

how incredible he is, I like spending my time with him when he's off

work. Time is so precious, and if this thing is going to one day

progress, I want to make it count today when I have this thing at a

manageable level.

I just wanted to thank you all for responding and apologize to those who

I hurt. I feel terrible and we all know that negative feelings make us

hurt even worse, and yesterday proved that to me.

Love and hugs,

Melody

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[Guest guest]

We want and need you here girl

Little

LINDA

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