Oedipus

[Guest guest]

Dillon wanted to marry me and Amber wanted to marry her dad. It's perfectly

normal for kids to say things like this. Once Amber found out she couldn't

marry her dad, she decided she would marry her cousin, . After she found

out that wouldn't work either, she decided she was NEVER going move out and

get married. She was going to live at home forever and ever. That lasted

until she was about 15 or so ...

It's a normal phase.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

> How did you handle it with

> Dillon?

>

I told him I was already married to Daddy and that one day when he was all

grown up he'd find a nice girl who wanted to marry him and they would get

married.

I also told him you can't marry your mom because it's against the law.

I think a lot of this comes from insecurity and jealousy over the role dad

plays. I assured him that no matter how big he got, he'd always be my little

boy and that I would always love him as much as I do now -- no matter what.

It's a special kind of love a mother has for her children. Nobody can ever

break it because it's the strongest love of all. And that the love between

married people is strong too, but sometimes people get divorced even though

they love each other. So, it's not the same as the love between a parent and

child because a mother's love never goes away.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

went through this a few months back and so did Sebastian, although a

few years ago at around 3-4 I think it was. It's a pretty normal part of

development for that age group, hence it took a bit of time to get

there (he was 6.5) but I just said " that's nice, but you can't marry mommy,

you have to find someone just like mommy " of course, this meant nada much

to , it just eventually faded away, and Seb purposefully hunts down

chics that have the opposite look of me (ouch..lol) but Dakota, always the

literal child, took me verbatim and every girl he crushes on could be my twin

at that age:) I guess you should just be flattered and happy he made the

milestone:) It'll pass though:( It is cute though, it is cute though, isn't

it?

Tommi

[Guest guest]

This could be great pretend play, but I too would be uncomfortable

pretending to marry him. What about giving him a doll to be his kid, and

suggesting that his wife is on vacation? Or making some kind of wife

substitute? A broom in a dress, or something?

Good luck...let us know...

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

has taken to insisting I marry him. I explain over and over I'm married to

Daddy. I explain the police would come and arrest me if I married my son.

He says, " I'm a dad, and I need a wife and a kid. "

Should I play along with this and pretend to marry him as a game? My gut says

no, but I may be wrong...

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I don't have any advice, but Jacqui goes around saying " You're my wife " to

ME.

.....oh, and the dog is her son.

?

Penny

Oedipus

has taken to insisting I marry him. I explain over and over I'm

married to Daddy. I explain the police would come and arrest me if I

married my son.

He says, " I'm a dad, and I need a wife and a kid. "

Should I play along with this and pretend to marry him as a game? My gut

says no, but I may be wrong...

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Kids equate the word " marry " with the word love. I

distinctly remember asking my grandfather to marry me

when I was five. My has asked half of our

family, including me, to marry her. It's very cute.

I usually say something like " I can't marry you, hon,

but I love you very much. "

Tuna

=====

Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope

outlives them all. "

- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

______________________________________________________________________

Post your free ad now! http://personals.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

ooh, i just had a thought. i know it's a normal phase and all that, but if he

wants an actual pretend wedding, what about amber?

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

> It's a normal phase.

>

I know. But I have no idea how to handle it! How did you handle it with

Dillon?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Sissi, that is so true. I like how you explained it.

Lori

-- Re: Oedipus

> How did you handle it with

> Dillon?

>

I told him I was already married to Daddy and that one day when he was all

grown up he'd find a nice girl who wanted to marry him and they would get

married.

I also told him you can't marry your mom because it's against the law.

I think a lot of this comes from insecurity and jealousy over the role dad

plays. I assured him that no matter how big he got, he'd always be my little

boy and that I would always love him as much as I do now -- no matter what.

It's a special kind of love a mother has for her children. Nobody can ever

break it because it's the strongest love of all. And that the love between

married people is strong too, but sometimes people get divorced even though

they love each other. So, it's not the same as the love between a parent and

child because a mother's love never goes away.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

> the child can't remember to feed her fish <

oh come now. i can't even remember to feed myself half the time! as for my fish,

they ALWAYS die of starvation. feel better now?

> She's 11. She's running out of time to improve. ( <

seriously tina. i don't want to lecture or anything, but think about when you

were 11. were you REALLY ready to be married and have kids? i understand what

you're saying, i really do. kailey will be 9 in may and she's still like an

infant in many ways, but there is NO way of knowing what the next 10 or 20 years

will bring. i realize that she MAY live with me for the rest of our lives and

that's ok with me, but i'm not resigning ourselves to that yet. you know what i

mean?

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

Tina,

nothing is saying that she won't find a really nice guy who is ready to take

care of her and love her for her. I know of a man that is 33 and autistic,

he is happily married with 2 normal kids and his wife is a nurse. He could

not be any happier. He does not talk, is still wearing diapers and palys

great with his kids because he is the same mind age has them.

Never say never cause there always is a way.

Lori

-- Re: Oedipus

> It'll pass though:( It is cute though, it is cute though, isn't

> it?

>

It'll pass? REALLY??? PLEASE tell me it's so!

's been obsessing about getting married and having kids for 5

years now.

Yes you read that right. FIVE YEARS.

*sigh*

How do you destroy a child's dream?? " honey, you can't get married

and have kids because you can't take care of yourself. "

She fully expects to grow up, have a job, have a husband, have a

family and live a totally normal life.

Tina

[Guest guest]

> One of the sitters we use is having a baby this summer. I'm hoping

that being around a newborn might discourage her a bit. <

tina, that might actually be a REALLY good thing for her. i'm guessing that she

hasn't had a LOT of exposure to newborns. maybe this will help her be a little

more responsible.

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/29/2002 10:07:15 PM Eastern Standard Time,

danaar1@... writes:

> 's been obsessing about getting married and having kids for 5

> years now.

>

well, the marrying the parents should pass, not wanting to marry altogether!

Dakota has his entire wedding planned out too, he's 8! He even has scheduled

times for me to " babysit his kids " so his wife and him can get away, he has

his wife all picked out too! lol!

Tommi

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/29/02 10:30:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,

danaar1@... writes:

> >>She fully expects to grow up, have a job, have a husband, have a

> >>family and live a totally normal life.

So did I. SURPRISE not going to happen

[Guest guest]

> > I would probably discourage child-bearing but that's just me and a

> very sensitive subject which I don't care to debate.

> >

>

> This part scares the crap out of me. You're right, it's a very

> sensitive subject but I can not see handling a baby.

neither. Can imagine him being very loving UNTIL IT CRIED.

<sigh>

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

LOL...lots of kids do this. Maybe not to the extent some of ours do. Greggory

used to say he was going to marry me and we would tell him no that I was already

married to Papa. Now he says he will marry Yessenia. ugh.lol It is kinda cute.

We just tel hjim you cant marry family and leave it at that. We do make

suggestions on potential mates too.

Jacquie H

Oedipus

has taken to insisting I marry him. I explain over and over I'm married

to Daddy. I explain the police would come and arrest me if I married my son.

He says, " I'm a dad, and I need a wife and a kid. "

Should I play along with this and pretend to marry him as a game? My gut says

no, but I may be wrong...

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Wow Lori!!

That is a very interesting and encouraging story.....

Penny

Re: Re: Oedipus

Tina,

nothing is saying that she won't find a really nice guy who is ready to take

care of her and love her for her. I know of a man that is 33 and autistic,

he is happily married with 2 normal kids and his wife is a nurse. He could

not be any happier. He does not talk, is still wearing diapers and palys

great with his kids because he is the same mind age has them.

Never say never cause there always is a way.

Lori

[Guest guest]

lol...my sister used to say she was going to have 100 kids and they would all be

purple. She was going to have 5 husbands and they would be red. And she would be

green. And the children would be named Prisioner#1, Prisoner#2,

Prisoner#3,.....etc...... and her Husbands would be named Slave#1, Slave#2,

Slave#3, and so forth. Of course she is now BP and at the moment missing.

~sigh~

jacquie H

Oedipus

has taken to insisting I marry him. I explain over and over I'm

married to Daddy. I explain the police would come and arrest me if I

married my son.

He says, " I'm a dad, and I need a wife and a kid. "

Should I play along with this and pretend to marry him as a game? My gut

says no, but I may be wrong...

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> How do you destroy a child's dream?? " honey, you can't get married

> and have kids because you can't take care of yourself. "

You don't because that is a complete MYTH! If she thinks she can fall in

love and thinks about marriage then she's completely capable of falling in

love.

I would probably discourage child-bearing but that's just me and a very

sensitive subject which I don't care to debate.

I can't find the link but the local ARC had a link to an Albany couple who

were recently married. ARC helped them find a house and helped them find

jobs. In fact they met at work if I am remembering correctly.

They're really adorable. I have written to the local chapter to ask for the

link if it's available. If it's not, I've got it in a newsletter around here

somewhere. I'll scan and post it.

It was a big deal around here and gave me a bit of hope. Boone falls in love

with every blonde he meets.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

Smart boy!

Penny :-D

>>>>>>>

He even has scheduled

times for me to " babysit his kids " so his wife and him can get away,

<<<<<

[Guest guest]

> > the child can't remember to feed her fish <

>

> oh come now. i can't even remember to feed myself half the time! as

for my fish, they ALWAYS die of starvation. feel better now?

>

LOL! No!

My fish don't fair very well either, but I can't say as I'm too

terribly attached to them. (still muttering obscenities in my

father's direction for buying the kids a fish tank for Christmas a

few years ago.)

> seriously tina. i don't want to lecture or anything, but think

about when you were 11. were you REALLY ready to be married and have

kids?

>

Ready to? No. Was I carrying a lot of responsibilities? Yes.

Including full care of my 2 year old brother. (who I'd cared for

since birth) Could I have done that totally alone? No. My mother did

tell me what to do every now and then. I also understand that my

circumstances are quite different than a lot of kids. I don't expect

to be able to do the things I was doing, or what her sister can

do now. But I know her level of self-care and it's pretty low.

Don't get me wrong. I haven't abandoned all hope yet. But the older

she gets, the harder it is to see her living a " normal " life.

Whatever that is.

I just really wish she'd find something else to obsess about.

Tina

[Guest guest]

> Both the bride and groom are MR, which means IQ below 70. They work

at the recycling center which isn't the most glamorous job in the

world, but they seem to be thriving. They have a live-in caretaker

(maybe two?) and do very well together. I do not know how the

question of birth control is dealt with, but maybe I can find out.

>

I don't care what kind of job does. She can clean toilets if

she's happy and healthy. I think we put too much emphasis on

materialism most of the time. So long as can eat and have a

decent roof over her head, that's all I ask. If she needs to live

with me for the rest of my life, that's fine too. I just want her to

be happy.

Tina

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

She's missing?????????

Debbie

Re: Oedipus

lol...my sister used to say she was going to have 100 kids and they

would all be purple. She was going to have 5 husbands and they would be

red. And she would be green. And the children would be named

Prisioner#1, Prisoner#2, Prisoner#3,.....etc...... and her Husbands

would be named Slave#1, Slave#2, Slave#3, and so forth. Of course she

is now BP and at the moment missing. ~sigh~

jacquie H

[Guest guest]

yes

Jacquie H

Re: Oedipus

lol...my sister used to say she was going to have 100 kids and they

would all be purple. She was going to have 5 husbands and they would be

red. And she would be green. And the children would be named

Prisioner#1, Prisoner#2, Prisoner#3,.....etc...... and her Husbands

would be named Slave#1, Slave#2, Slave#3, and so forth. Of course she

is now BP and at the moment missing. ~sigh~

jacquie H