Re: Re: Rules!!!!

[Guest guest]

I must be really shallow. I read these two messages and thought, WOW, these girls are really deep...hmmmm why do I resist turning off the tv when i eat? I gave it some real thought and tried really hard to figure out what I could be hiding from. I've come to these conclusions: I am bored to death sitting there thinking about each bite of food, after the first couple of bites which are enjoyable and cool to think about. My mind wanders to day dreams or thoughts of things I need to do or what shows are recorded on my tivo after those first few bites anyway and then i begin to resent that I am missing a show I want to watch. I'm not bored, I'm not lonely and I don't hate my mother for making us sit at the table during dinner. Sometimes, I think it's really just not all that complicated for me and that's ok too. There's not always a reason to force myself to be uncomfortable to prove I'm doing IE right. I think I'll be kind and loving to myself by allowing myself to do what I choose to do, eat what I choose to eat and move if I choose to. Thanks Ladies! That was very helpful for me!

Sunny

Re: Re: Rules!!!!

Well put. I found that without any distractions I really paid attention to the food, It's color, odor, texture, all of it and I was enjoying my food for the first time in a long time. For me it was pure joy. I have gotten away from that somewhat. I find I resent it if I have to turn off the TV. Then I think what could be so important on TV that I can't devote 30 minutes to the pure joy of eating. I am so addicted to the TV or other distractions so I don't have to feel my feelings. And I am very resistant to writing a journal about this. I wonder what I am so afraid of finding out. I loved your statement about your head not going to fall off. And you are so right, it does feel so uncomfortable. Thanks for reminding me that tolerating uncomfortableness is the way out. Hopefully my resistance will fall too and I can still watch TV after I eat. I will chose to face the feelings and not hide from the truth. Then maybe I will experience that other feeling of kindness, love and caring for myself. I am worthy. Thanks again. I need reminders like this. Sandy

Totally agree that you can only do your best at any given time with this process. What I have found by just eating and not doing anything else that eating is, well, just eating, nothing more. It gives nourishment and pleasure. After the first really good bites, I suddenly realized how much I wanted eating to give me all the wonderful things I wanted to feel and it just doesn't. Don't get me wrong, the pleasure is there when I am eating because I am hungry and it tastes good and all is good, then the proverbial "oh no its over and I have to move on to something else.

Its as if I didn't want to feel the sadness of knowing that eating is kind of a simple thing and without the "charge" of all that I had given it over the years. In my mind I was thinking the sadness would last forever but it doesn't. Much like I thought if I allowed my self to eat what I wanted I would never stop eating and that didn't happen either. Saying goodbye to the roller coaster ride is hard. Geneen Roth so aptly states, the compulsion sotps when the bolting stops (bolting from the feelings). So what I do is I say to myself, is my head going to fall off if I don't watch TV and eat? No, but it feels uncomfortable. Then I remind myself that tolerating uncomfortableness is the way out of the obsession and then my resistance falls and I just eat. Then when I am done, I watch TV or go on to the next thing. If eating without distraction is the way out, it made me curious as to why I wouldn't want out of this. As bad a a compulsion may be its familiar and safe. So now I don't hide any more from the truth and I face what feels intolerable and in dong so, there is another feeling that comes, that is greater than the compulsion ever was, which is kindness and love and caring for myself that is more satisfying than I could have ever imagined!!.