I'm lonely and it's my fault + other things

February 5, 2008

Two weeks ago I felt really lonely. It was during the scrapbooking evening,

which wasn't a huge success for me anyway. I had forgotten to take with me

photos, postcards, stamps... so I couldn't start doing any scrap layouts. I just

did some sketches in a notebook how I want the layouts to look like. Anyway, the

athmosphere was nice, for the others. They laughed and chatted and did their

layouts. The only one asking me anything was the teacher. Last Thursday it was

time for scrap booking again. The same thing. I felt very lonely. Now I had

materials with me so I could do a little, but no one talked to me. Not even my

cousin who is in the same class. I took the courage and asked my cousin

something at the end of the class when we were about to go home and she answered

me shortly. Last week we had to be in pairs, talking about a photo and a

headline for that photo. We were uneven, so who do you think was left without a

pair? The teacher then said I could sit with a pair of

girls, so we were three in the group. Anyway, I still like the scrap booking

classes, although I feel horribly alone and sad when I go home.

I know it's my fault. I should ask the others things, smile and be happy. But

it is not so easy, for obvious reasons (see previous post if you don't know what

I mean). I can be happy and talk to people if they talk to me first. It feels

good when someone says something to me and then I answer them back. They don't

understand how difficult it is to go to a stranger and ask them something.

I am very tired now. But I still have to be here one hour. And then I have a

few things to buy in town and then I have to walk home, 30 minutes. In the

evening I have folkdance practise. But I must sleep a little when I get home. I

am so tired of being tired if you know what I mean. It would be lovely to go one

day without being tired.

I am also tired of having pain every day and other symptoms. In short: I am

tired of having fibro! But what can I do? Nothing.

Okay, must do some work now...

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